will we work it out in time???

[sabrina]

My boyfriend broke up with me after a 19 month relationship that I considered a real happy time.. He said that he didnt want to be serious and he wants to have fun in his college years. He will be working 45 hrs and attending an hour away.

 

We went through this like 3 times before and he always works it out between 3 days or a week. And when we are together everything is so great between us.. He even told his mom a month ago that He thought I was the one.. My problem is I dont know why he would say things like that and want to break up.. Before he said he needed time and that he would work it out and always of course came back.

 

This time he did not say to give him time. Kinda like he means it this time. But I believe if you care about a girl enough to keep trying before in times that that kind of love will not go away....

[Tony T]

When couples break up repeatedly and get back together, there is something wrong...some unresolved issue(s)...doubt...unhappiness...confusion...a desire to see other people...SOMETHING!!!

 

Many guys in college haven't a clue of what they want to do as far as a permanent relationship goes. This is a period when both men and women are exposed to a great deal of new experiences and ideas and go through rapid change emotionally and otherwise. Unfortunately, you are caught up in this. Some people handle it well and are able to incorporate historic relationships into their new life. Others desire to move on.

 

I think a lot of his friends and activities have gotten to him. Having broken up with you three times and having told you he doesn't want to be serious and he wants to "have fun" during his college years, he has very clearly told you to seek other men for dating and companionship.

 

It's not like this happened overnight. He has well prepared you for this through the previous break-ups.

 

I do think he loves you but love is simply not enough to sustain a relationship. He does not have the commitment that a good one requires.

 

Your lead question is, will we work it out in time? There is no way to know how fate will move in life. But unless you are a seasoned, licensed gambler with a lot of time, energy and patience to put on the line, you are better off buying lottery tickets than waiting for this guy to come around.

 

There are just so many nice men who would be proud to be by your side. This one has been trying to break up with you for a long time. Take the hint and go for the REAL thing!!!

[Tony T]

One more note I forgot. If you will simply get out of his life, not so readily return his calls, not push him for a continued relationship and just be a certified, first class challenge, your chances of peaking his interest in you again will multiply many times.

 

Even if you do this and he comes back, it may only be temporary but it will give you enough time to explore your feelings more, see in him what I discussed in my previous post, and to make your plans accordingly.

 

Good luck!!!

[Totally Confused]

Your boyfriend is going through what most college boys are going through. He's discovering freedom and college women all at one time. It's the party years. A lot of people go off to college and break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend. It's a time for experiencing and experimenting. You have to let him go and accept it. If he were to commit to you without experiencing other people, how is he going to know you're the one. Would you rather him stay with you and then cheat on you behind your back? He probably respects you more than that. Let him date other women and then maybe he'll come back and realize your are the best girl. That way, you'll be even more special to him. My sister had a boyfriend that she dated from 14 - 18 years old. When they graduated highschool, she went off to NY, while he went to school in NH. After 6 months, he started distancing himself from her. She was all upset and then finally he told her he needed space and wanted to explore other women. Well, she was devistated. She cried and cried. I swear she went to every psychic in the world. My sister and her ex would then get back together and break up every few weeks. He couldn't make up his mind. Then he finally told her he met someone else. She couldn't eat or sleep. He had told her he wanted to marry her too at one point. It took her a good year and a half to get over it. He called her once in a great while, just to see if she was ok, but he was pretty much done with her. She even tried to stay in touch with his family, but it was too hard for her after a while. Finally about 2 years after graduating college, he called my sister and wanted her back. He told her he'd never stopped loving her, even though he had pushed her away. He always knew she was the one, but just wanted to know it for sure. She was so happy he wanted her back, but unfortunately so much time had passed and she felt nothing for him. She even had a new boyfriend. They are now both 27 years old and he's still trying to get her back...she has no interest in being more than just friends.

 

I'm telling you this so you can understand that she went through everything you're going through now and survived. Instead of hurting over it or hating him for it, try to understand it. It's hard now, cause you're going through it and it seems so cruel, but realistically, it's a very good thing. It's also a good thing for you, cause now you can take the time to try to date other people and get to know yourself. I know you're not ready now and I know you only want to be with him, but once the pain passes and you finally are able to focus on other things again, you will be able to explore your other options, and you may find someone else who you are more compatable with. You'll never know until you try. One day when you both are ready, you can come back for each other if that's what you want or if that's what is meant to be. I've seen it happen many times. Because things were really good between you two, your chances are even better. Don't worry, he's not forgetting about you, though it may seem that way. He's just a kid in a candy factory right now, so let him go. If you try to stop him, he'll only resent you. He said he wants to marry you, he may really mean it...just not right now. You're just going to have to let the cards fall where they may. No matter what you want, you can't control or change what's going to happen.

 

So try to relax and stop worrying so much about what he's doing...it doesn't matter, he's not going to marry or get serious with anybody right now. He's just not ready...and it may or may not be over for you two now, but I'd let him go and let him to what he needs to do to grow as a person. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

[Guest]

You are not alone Sabrina. I am 25 and my now ex is 19. She broke up with me just three weeks ago. Four weeks ago she thought I was the one. I have asked myself repeatedly what could have happened. I have begged her for answers. She has none. She is seeing someone else. I wonder how she could have moved on so quickly. And I am insulted that she just wants to be friends. We dated for 19 months (sound familiar). We had a great time together. All I can figure is that she needed a change. She says she still wants to be around me and talk to me, but honestly I can't see that happening. She also doesn't make it sound as if she doesn't think I could still possibly be the one.

 

Now, do you think I am going to sit around and wait for her? Hell no. You have to go out each and every day and see what else is out there. I don't see my ex changing her mind anytime soon so I have to let her go. And chances are if she does change her mind about me I probably won't feel the same. I know what I want and damnit I'll find it.

 

I know the questions and doubts you must have about your ex. You wonder what could have changed his mind so quickly? You wonder if he really loved you how he could treat you this way? You wonder if it was ever love at all if he felt so strong one day and then needed space the next? You must feel the pain that I do and I'm sorry. I can actually feel my heart breaking sometimes. I've cried more in the past three weeks than ever before in my adult life. I feel so hopeless and alone. I'm lost. What you are experiencing hurts more than physical pain. It's emotional and it takes a long time to heal.

 

I wish I could tell you things will be better soon, but they probably won't. You wake up each morning and pray that the hurt will have gone away. But it doesn't happen overnight. But one day you will wake up and it won't be the first thing you think about. And then you find that a whole hour goes by and you haven't thought about it. It's gradual, but you will feel better. Just don't search for answers. You won't find any. And don't cling to the fact that he may change his mind. You have to move on, when you are ready.

 

I don't know if you are feeling some of the same things I have described, but I have a good idea as to what you are going through. If you need someone to write that understands the hurt, feel free to respond or e-mail me. Good luck. You are certainly not alone. Take care of yourself.

 

Steve

[Desperado]

Steve, you are not alone too...I'm feeling every bit you are feeling as well....there are no answers to the questions we seek.....below is a poem that best describes my life now......

 

A day in the life of a broken heart

 

These four walls in my room consumes me

 

The echo of my screams is a shallow reminder of the emptiness inside me

 

My old pillow is stained with tears that wouldn’t dry as I lay wasted and wounded on my bed

 

Rotting my insides, making my day a night and weeping more with every sad song I play on my guitar.

 

My broken heart skips a beat whenever there's a phone call, hoping that it's you calling

 

The flowers in the garden seems to be a miserable symbol of the perseverance in my soul

 

Trying to stay alive, trying to keep a strong head on my shoulders…

 

Trying to keep my sane self, which has already been lost with your goodbye…

 

Going insane with the Sunday breezes whispering your name.

 

Tasting regret on my lips each time I say your name with mine.

 

The caress of the water dripping on my skin in the rain is the closest touch of love from a world full of "life goes on".

 

Taking out my needle and thread and asking you to sow my heart back together again.

 

Where did the painting go wrong? Thought one scribble would make it sell for a million, two scribbles ruined the masterpiece.

 

Holding on to the moments as tears trickle down my face leaving a trail of salt.

 

These yearning arms needs your warm embrace

 

"Please come into these arms, I love you, I want you, I need you", I whisper to her in my dreams every night

 

I wake up crying

 

That’s how I live a day in the life of a broken heart

 

Tell me is it fair for us to fall apart?

 

Living my life with a broken heart

 

If I could change the past,

 

I would do so tonight.

 

If loving you is wrong,

 

I don't ever wanna be right.

 

'From a poem to a song, remember me when I'm gone'

 

love hurts......

[John]

I know how you all feel also, I had my heart broken horribly. But i might be able to give you all some advice. I was in a relationship for 18 months and she broke up with me saying that she JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS!!! And she started seeing another guy. My heart was CRUSHED, i tried and tried to talk to her for some answers but got none. I cried every night for her. After like 3 or 4 months of trying to get her back, i finally got mad and left her alone. My father always told me that you can't get over anything unless you get mad at it. I stopped talking to her and more or less let her know that i didn't need her in my life and didn't want her anymore. Well, after like two months, she came crawling back on her hands and knees begging for me back saying how wrong she was and how much she loved me. I hope this can help some of you. I don't think it would work in every case but in some it might. Just remember "you can't get over anything unless you get mad at it!!!"

 

~John~

Steve, you are not alone too...I'm feeling every bit you are feeling as well....there are no answers to the questions we seek.....below is a poem that best describes my life now......

 

A day in the life of a broken heart These four walls in my room consumes me The echo of my screams is a shallow reminder of the emptiness inside me My old pillow is stained with tears that wouldn’t dry as I lay wasted and wounded on my bed Rotting my insides, making my day a night and weeping more with every sad song I play on my guitar. My broken heart skips a beat whenever there's a phone call, hoping that it's you calling The flowers in the garden seems to be a miserable symbol of the perseverance in my soul Trying to stay alive, trying to keep a strong head on my shoulders… Trying to keep my sane self, which has already been lost with your goodbye… Going insane with the Sunday breezes whispering your name. Tasting regret on my lips each time I say your name with mine. The caress of the water dripping on my skin in the rain is the closest touch of love from a world full of "life goes on". Taking out my needle and thread and asking you to sow my heart back together again. Where did the painting go wrong? Thought one scribble would make it sell for a million, two scribbles ruined the masterpiece. Holding on to the moments as tears trickle down my face leaving a trail of salt. These yearning arms needs your warm embrace

 

"Please come into these arms, I love you, I want you, I need you", I whisper to her in my dreams every night I wake up crying That’s how I live a day in the life of a broken heart Tell me is it fair for us to fall apart?

 

Living my life with a broken heart If I could change the past, I would do so tonight. If loving you is wrong, I don't ever wanna be right. 'From a poem to a song, remember me when I'm gone' love hurts......

[Fran]

I know how you all feel also, I had my heart broken horribly. But i might be able to give you all some advice. I was in a relationship for 18 months and she broke up with me saying that she JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS!!! And she started seeing another guy. My heart was CRUSHED, i tried and tried to talk to her for some answers but got none. I cried every night for her. After like 3 or 4 months of trying to get her back, i finally got mad and left her alone. My father always told me that you can't get over anything unless you get mad at it. I stopped talking to her and more or less let her know that i didn't need her in my life and didn't want her anymore. Well, after like two months, she came crawling back on her hands and knees begging for me back saying how wrong she was and how much she loved me. I hope this can help some of you. I don't think it would work in every case but in some it might. Just remember "you can't get over anything unless you get mad at it!!!" ~John~

I know what you are all going through, and there is nothing worse than breaking up with someone, and never knowing if they will come back to you. I was recently dumped by my ex, and I didn't see it coming. I cried for two months over this guy, trying to figure out in my mind why he let me go, I beat my breast over and over, and there were no answers. Well, when I finally accepted he didn't want me anymore, he called me and asked to see me, and I did. Well, the reunion was nothing like I had dreamed or imagined. He didn't come crawling back and express his undying love for me. He is getting ready to move out of state in a month and wants to spend every day with me until he goes, but I refused. So basically, the best thing to do when someone dumps you for any reason, is forget about them. If they didn't love you the first time, they probably wont love you ever. I have learned to trust that better things are out there for me, and so should you. Keep the faith, your heart will mend.