25yo guy who has never dated

[kashmir]

Ok, seriously, communications is a joke. Normally I wouldn't come out and say that but because you have no problem criticizing the OP for his lack of education and ambition, I have no problem saying that to you. You're in no place to be critiquing other people's educations.

[Green]

No, he wanted to know what he could have done or what he did wrong to prevent him from never having a date- I just told him...the fact that he doesn't have a degree is a huge huge turnoff for a lot of women. And there's the answer...take it or leave it.

 

yeah and my point is the op should leave it and pay no attention to that

[Perry]

If not having a degree is a huge turn off for a particular woman, is she worth being with in the first place?

[tnemvayla]

Not to be rude, but I think part of the reason why you are having a hard time is b/c you are 25 and still in college. I refuse to date anyone who doesn't have his degree by 22. There's no excuse for it.

 

Also for me personally, 6'5" 170lbs is waaaay too tall & skinny...but then again I am 5'1" on a good day.

 

What kind of job do you have? That could be a factor as well. I think the events of your rocky past may be causing you to still be single.

 

Then again, I'm 26 and single and my past is the opposite of yours. I did have my bachelors degree @ 21, though.

 

Not to be rude, but your suggestions are not useful in the least.

 

So for me to be dateable, I need to go back in time and start on my degree at 18?

 

At 18 I did not have a clue what I wanted to do with my life, so I jumped into the workforce. Now, I know what I want to do and I am good at it. I am getting a Computer Science degree and I will have a very well paying job by 28, very likely with Sun Microsystems for 67k starting.

 

I am not "still in college." I just started. For perspective, though, I have changed more about myself in the past 7 years than many people do in their entire adult lives. I have not been sitting around slacking off and being lazy. I have been actively becoming part of the solution. I have given of myself to my community, I have become active and healthy, I have been an inspiration to several other addictive-personalities to knock out their addictions and become healthy and active themselves. If you find that to all be irrelevant and overruled by the fact that I waited to enter college until I felt a motivated commitment to further my intellectual capacity, then frankly, I would not ever be interested in you either.

 

I am not belittling you or minimizing your success. I wish I had entered college earlier. But, I am asking for advice as to what to do now, not what could I have done then. That frankly makes little difference, and it is all easy in retrospect... it always is.

 

Plus, I can't get shorter. I am building muscle but that is not overnight either. I am tall and skinny and I know of plenty of tall skinny people who successfully date. (Ever heard of basketball players dating? Often these guys are tall and not all that muscular. Watch some NCAA games sometime.) Perhaps not girls such as yourself, but I am not all that interested in someone who is as critical as yourself, anyways. You seem to believe that because you did it that way, so it must be the right way to do it. In your view, apparently, you are the standard by which all others should be judged. I do submit that you are entitled to your opinion.

 

As for job, to answer your question, I worked at a racetrack from 14 to 23, a full decade of my life. I also have worked for a long time at Whole Foods. Career? No, but that is EXACTLY why I am in college now. I want to have a better job. I find it hard to believe that this is standing in my way in the dating scene. I personally know minimum wage fast food workers who have held a steady relationship for several months without their job being an issue at all.

 

I am not asking how I could get a date with YOU. I am asking what I might need to know that I missed in my formative years which may help me in changing myself in this portion of my life.

 

In other words:

 

I used to be a 2.5 pack a day smoker, I quit cold turkey, off for 4 years.

I used to be a couch potato, now I run, hike, bike, swim, and work out regularly

I used to have bad hygienic practices, now I am impeccable about my hygiene

I used to be anti-authority, now I participate in my local crime-free program

I used to be blindly religious, now I enjoy widely varying theological discussion with people of many faiths

I used to believe whatever the lefties told me, now I have learned to think critically and read from a wide variety of sources to influence my opinions

I used to eat sugary stuff and drink soda all day, now I eat healthily

 

Now, I am trying to add this sentence:

 

I used to accept that I couldn't find a date, now I am dating regularly and successfully.

 

But, I wanted some advice as to how to get there.

 

Frankly, your posts have not helped me.

 

But thank you kindly anyways. I appreciate the input.

[tnemvayla]

If not having a degree is a huge turn off for a particular woman, is she worth being with in the first place?

 

I wholeheartedly agree.

 

Thank you.

[tnemvayla]

yeah and my point is the op should leave it and pay no attention to that

 

Thanks, KMT. I know I have problems in my past, but I can't go back in time to change that. All I can do is try to get back on track now.

 

Your advice seems like it comes both from thought and experience.

 

I do acknowledge, of course, that not everyone is into tall guys... everyone has their own taste. But you seem to see in my posts what I am asking for here and you have given me some good food for thought.

 

But not too much thought... now it is time to act, and I love a challenge. I just was feeling like my efforts were destined for futility and I needed some help to get my thoughts back on track so that my actions can follow.

 

Thanks again, and let me know if you think of anything else.

 

I am headed out to a party tomorrow. I am going to try your suggestion between now and then. Why the hell not, right?

 

And I will be a "hell of a lot more aggressive" than I have been before. You have inspired me to try something a little bit new.

[You'reasian]

 

As Frank Zappa once said, "If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library." Your education is what you make of it, not what some fancy sheet of paper says. You can go to college and decide to pursue something rigorous where you really learn something, or you can go and slack off and major in communications. In both instances you get a degree.

 

Excellent reference to the great guitarist!

[tnemvayla]

I graduated college in 3 years, but ok...sorry, getting a degree is really the easiest thing in the world and if someone can't do that, then no, they are not good enough for me. It's not that much to ask for to just go through the motions and get the paper. People who can't or don't want to are simply lazy.

 

I think a lot of highly educated people would look down on someone who is 23 and doesn't have a degree. It's not just me who feels this way...I'm just the only one who will voice it b/c i really don't care what you or anyone else thinks about me.

 

...I had to call you on this one.

 

You say that getting a degree is the "easiest thing in the world" and then you indicate that such people who get one are "highly educated." Those two statements stand in stark opposition.

 

I also know several people with Masters degrees who are incredible only in their lack of critical thinking abilities. A degree makes not an intelligent person.

 

Not to mention that not everyone who can get a student loan can afford school. I got around 10K for school from student loans, but that only covers tuition and rent. I still have to rely on my job for food, utilities, and anything else I might want (clothes, internet service, a cell phone, etc.). Your assertion that anyone who doesn't get a degree is just lazy speaks volumes against your insinuation that you are highly educated. You clearly need a much better understanding of economics and educational bureaucracies, as well as government loans and subsidies and eligibility requirements insofar as these incentives are concerned.

 

And may I remind you that many of our society's greatest and most celebrated scholars, historically, did not even finish high school, let alone college?

 

If it is so easy to get a degree, why would it be so desirable? Wouldn't it be more attractive for a guy to do something with his ambitions that isn't "the easiest thing in the world," like, say, join the US Navy at 18 and commit four years of life to being on a boat somewhere on the other side of the world fighting in military actions which he had no say in starting?

 

I think your statement is indicative of the level of education you received, or the ease of the particular degree you chose (which many would agree is amongst the easiest available), but certainly not of the average or optimal educational experience of your peers.

[Geishawhelk]

I'm almost 100% certain that what lovestruck means is that to pursue education at any time of life is extremely easy.

Once upon a time, once you left school, you either entered into an apprenticeship or ended up in a no-skill job.

Now, Higher and Further education is open to everyone, at any time of life, any age, any gender, any persuasion, any calling, anything goes.

No-holds-barred.

My partner left an extremely lucrative job as an area Director for a major company, to pursue his dream of taking a Master's Degree in Law.

he's 45.

 

He's unarguably one of the oldest students at University. But at least, he's there.

A few years ago, it would have been unheard of.

[tnemvayla]

I'm almost 100% certain that what lovestruck means is that to pursue education at any time of life is extremely easy.

Once upon a time, once you left school, you either entered into an apprenticeship or ended up in a no-skill job.

Now, Higher and Further education is open to everyone, at any time of life, any age, any gender, any persuasion, any calling, anything goes.

No-holds-barred.

My partner left an extremely lucrative job as an area Director for a major company, to pursue his dream of taking a Master's Degree in Law.

he's 45.

 

He's unarguably one of the oldest students at University. But at least, he's there.

A few years ago, it would have been unheard of.

 

Fair enough, but Lovestruck did say that she would never consider dating anyone who did not have their degree by 22. I still find that statement to be pretty ridiculous and indicative of a level of superficial criticism that is rather... unbecoming.

 

I do agree with what you said... hence why I am even in school right now. Two or three decades ago, I would probably be stuck in no-skills jobs for the rest of my life. Now, I have the ability to go back to school when I want to. And that time is now.

 

But to say that I am having a hard time getting into dating because I didn't have a degree by 22? I can't find the sense in that.

[tnemvayla]

I see that this post is starting to go down a different road, one of "Is a degree by 22 critical" and not the original "25yo guy who has never dated"

 

That is fine, and I will not be one to stand in the way of the fluidity and amorphous nature of dialogue in general. I am not trying to limit people to one subject.

 

But, before we stray too much further, I just wanted to thank everyone for their input. When I posted, I was skeptical that I would receive any applicable or intelligently reasoned advice. I stand corrected, and I am appreciative of the time and thought spent by all posters who replied.

 

I remain open to further advice and I will contribute to this discussion as long as people continue with it.

 

So, thank you. And Happy Thanksgiving to all.

 

TPN

[Geishawhelk]

.....But to say that I am having a hard time getting into dating because I didn't have a degree by 22? I can't find the sense in that.

 

No, you're right, I agree with you here.

I've never had a degree and I'm 52.

I wouldn't tell my BF this, but I receive a request to go out, at least once a month.

 

Not bad for a grandmother!

[Charles1978]

Yeah don't worry about someone saying you should have a degree by 22. Mass Comm? Sure. That's the easiest major there is. I'm a civil engineer, and I can tell you... it is one hell of an accomplishment, and it takes longer than 4 years, believe me. Sounds like you are studying computer engineering or something similar. Keep with it and you will have accomplished more than 90% of people out there, regardless of when you complete it. You should be proud of that.

 

But as far as your original question... you just need to stop overthinking it. Yes, you probably should gain some weight. 6'5" is awefully tall to only weigh 170. But just be more outgoing. Be more aggressive. As someone said earlier... girls want a guy who has the confidence and proverbial balls to step up and pursue. Good luck. I'm sure you'll be fine. And remember, it isn't about watches, cars, clothes and money. Be yourself.

[reservoirdog1]

I have the answer to your problem: online dating.

 

I'm serious. Put up your profile and a few photos, and if you're a good looking guy, you'll get women sending you messages -- you may not even need to send any out yourself. The benefit to the whole thing is that at the moment a woman first contacts you, she's already seeing you as potential dating material. That's why she's on the site in the first place!

 

After a few messages back and forth, it shouldn't be hard to get her to agree to meet for a drink. And once you're actually with her, you can carry on your good conversational skills, knowing that she's already seeing you as a potential romantic partner. First hurdle successfully cleared.

 

Try it... I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

[lovestruck818]

I have the answer to your problem: online dating.

 

I'm serious. Put up your profile and a few photos, and if you're a good looking guy, you'll get women sending you messages -- you may not even need to send any out yourself. The benefit to the whole thing is that at the moment a woman first contacts you, she's already seeing you as potential dating material. That's why she's on the site in the first place!

 

After a few messages back and forth, it shouldn't be hard to get her to agree to meet for a drink. And once you're actually with her, you can carry on your good conversational skills, knowing that she's already seeing you as a potential romantic partner. First hurdle successfully cleared.

 

Try it... I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

 

Some people are on dating sites solely looking for "ass" though...not everyone on a dating site is actually looking to date.

[lovestruck818]

Not to be rude, but your suggestions are not useful in the least.

 

So for me to be dateable, I need to go back in time and start on my degree at 18?

 

At 18 I did not have a clue what I wanted to do with my life, so I jumped into the workforce. Now, I know what I want to do and I am good at it. I am getting a Computer Science degree and I will have a very well paying job by 28, very likely with Sun Microsystems for 67k starting.

 

I am not "still in college." I just started. For perspective, though, I have changed more about myself in the past 7 years than many people do in their entire adult lives. I have not been sitting around slacking off and being lazy. I have been actively becoming part of the solution. I have given of myself to my community, I have become active and healthy, I have been an inspiration to several other addictive-personalities to knock out their addictions and become healthy and active themselves. If you find that to all be irrelevant and overruled by the fact that I waited to enter college until I felt a motivated commitment to further my intellectual capacity, then frankly, I would not ever be interested in you either.

 

I am not belittling you or minimizing your success. I wish I had entered college earlier. But, I am asking for advice as to what to do now, not what could I have done then. That frankly makes little difference, and it is all easy in retrospect... it always is.

 

Plus, I can't get shorter. I am building muscle but that is not overnight either. I am tall and skinny and I know of plenty of tall skinny people who successfully date. (Ever heard of basketball players dating? Often these guys are tall and not all that muscular. Watch some NCAA games sometime.) Perhaps not girls such as yourself, but I am not all that interested in someone who is as critical as yourself, anyways. You seem to believe that because you did it that way, so it must be the right way to do it. In your view, apparently, you are the standard by which all others should be judged. I do submit that you are entitled to your opinion.

 

As for job, to answer your question, I worked at a racetrack from 14 to 23, a full decade of my life. I also have worked for a long time at Whole Foods. Career? No, but that is EXACTLY why I am in college now. I want to have a better job. I find it hard to believe that this is standing in my way in the dating scene. I personally know minimum wage fast food workers who have held a steady relationship for several months without their job being an issue at all.

 

I am not asking how I could get a date with YOU. I am asking what I might need to know that I missed in my formative years which may help me in changing myself in this portion of my life.

 

In other words:

 

I used to be a 2.5 pack a day smoker, I quit cold turkey, off for 4 years.

I used to be a couch potato, now I run, hike, bike, swim, and work out regularly

I used to have bad hygienic practices, now I am impeccable about my hygiene

I used to be anti-authority, now I participate in my local crime-free program

I used to be blindly religious, now I enjoy widely varying theological discussion with people of many faiths

I used to believe whatever the lefties told me, now I have learned to think critically and read from a wide variety of sources to influence my opinions

I used to eat sugary stuff and drink soda all day, now I eat healthily

 

Now, I am trying to add this sentence:

 

I used to accept that I couldn't find a date, now I am dating regularly and successfully.

 

But, I wanted some advice as to how to get there.

 

Frankly, your posts have not helped me.

 

But thank you kindly anyways. I appreciate the input.

 

First of all congrats on maybe having a job @ Sun by the time you are 28 and making $67k...but my point is...most people by the time they are 28 are making way more than $67k. Had you finished college on time, maybe you would already be making that kind of money, if not more...thus probably making you more attractive to date. Just saying. I'm not saying I have to want to or need to date a guy with money, I'm just saying had you started college @ 18 rather than 23, you would probably be better-off financially right now.

[Green]

First of all congrats on maybe having a job @ Sun by the time you are 28 and making $67k...but my point is...most people by the time they are 28 are making way more than $67k. Had you finished college on time, maybe you would already be making that kind of money, if not more...thus probably making you more attractive to date. Just saying. I'm not saying I have to want to or need to date a guy with money, I'm just saying had you started college @ 18 rather than 23, you would probably be better-off financially right now.

 

 

So unless you chose the wrong words you are actualy under the dilusion that most people are making way more than 67k by the time they are 28? Seriously do you have zero concept of what people in the US actualy make... what is way more than 67k? 80k? is 80k way more then 67 because I doubt most people make more than 67k I really wouldn't know just sounds completly wrong. According to this quick unauthorative link http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2008/02/median-us-gross.html the median houshold income is less than what he said he would make all by himself. Now your saying that money on its own will make him more attractive but then you point out even you don't need a guy to have money to date... Seriously just ignore this poster OP its nothing but useless nonsense you don't need to think about. I hope you tried that thing I told you?

[CandyGirlXO]

So unless you chose the wrong words you are actualy under the dilusion that most people are making way more than 67k by the time they are 28? Seriously do you have zero concept of what people in the US actualy make... what is way more than 67k? 80k? is 80k way more then 67 because I doubt most people make more than 67k I really wouldn't know just sounds completly wrong. According to this quick unauthorative link http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2008/02/median-us-gross.html the median houshold income is less than what he said he would make all by himself. Now your saying that money on its own will make him more attractive but then you point out even you don't need a guy to have money to date... Seriously just ignore this poster OP its nothing but useless nonsense you don't need to think about. I hope you tried that thing I told you?

 

LOL!! I completely agree! Most people DO NOT make 67K/year, especially by 28. That is crazy. I went to college "on time" and I make about half of that. But I think she might live in NY so it is expensive to live there. It all depends where you live.

[zhsoj]

Oh you poor bastard... CS is about the worst possible degree to meet women in... Take advantage of all those "lesser" liberal arts classes, cause when you get into the more advanced CS courses your time for them (and the cute women in them) completely goes out the window... I know this all to well :-\

 

Anyways, CS in my opinion is a great degree to have. Like any technical degree it pretty much leaves all of your options open. Once you have it no one dares argue that you can't achieve something. And IT in general is weathering the current economy rather well. Though Sun has some tough times ahead.

[kashmir]

Oh you poor bastard... CS is about the worst possible degree to meet women in... Take advantage of all those "lesser" liberal arts classes, cause when you get into the more advanced CS courses your time for them (and the cute women in them) completely goes out the window... I know this all to well :-\

 

Anyways, CS in my opinion is a great degree to have. Like any technical degree it pretty much leaves all of your options open. Once you have it no one dares argue that you can't achieve something. And IT in general is weathering the current economy rather well. Though Sun has some tough times ahead.

 

It's kinda funny how there's a very small minority of women in the most challenging fields out there - math, physics, computer science, and engineering. Wonder why?

[reservoirdog1]

Some people are on dating sites solely looking for "ass" though...not everyone on a dating site is actually looking to date.

True enough, but right now he's getting neither dates, nor just "ass". So what's the problem?

[orangehose]

It's kinda funny how there's a very small minority of women in the most challenging fields out there - math, physics, computer science, and engineering. Wonder why?

 

Yeah, it's because women are actually really stupid and hate a challenge

[Green]

Yeah, it's because women are actually really stupid and hate a challenge

 

Seriously I would never want a Computer Science degree I would much rather do some easier computer information degree

[DollWelch]

I read your post, and I must say excellent job for turning your life around!

 

Firstly: Don't listen to those who mock you on this message board. You have done quite a lot through the last couple years of your life, to better yourself. No one can take that away from you.

 

There will always be people putting you down, in one way or another, or finding faults in your life, to get you to behave a certain way -taking on the form of jealousy or whatnot. So, don't let that get to you.

 

The important part is to keep going. I suggest you gain a couple of pounds, because at 6'5 and 170, you must be thin. A gain in weight could really make you much more attractive to some women.

 

I don't think there is anything you should or shouldn't be doing at this point. It's your life, you make whatever you want out of it. However, here is what I think you should take into consideration or at least keep in mind:

 

(1) Go out there, and get women. Don't hold back just because one woman said something bad to you, or an unattractive one approached you. You mustn't let the downfalls make you think that ALL women out there don't want to hook up with you.

 

(2) Be a gentleman. I think being an @$$hole is not the way to go about getting women, regardless of what your other peers/friends say about it.

 

(3) Just because you're doing a Computer Science Degree has nothing to do with dating women. A woman will like you regardless of whether you have a CS or a LA degree. Those who say otherwise, are envious of your CS skills.

 

Don't lose hope of getting back on track in the dating world. It's cruel out there, some of the time, but in the end your hard work definitely pays off.

 

I really encourage you to go have some fun meeting women, and then come back and tell us about it -and how it went. I think that's about it.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

My cousin joined the marines at 18 had 4 kids by the time he was 25. Since then, he's received his bachelor's degree and then went on for an MBA. He now is a VP at his company and regularly travels to the Far East for business.

 

Not everyone is on the same plan. Doesn't mean crap.

 

I guess he is a loser, LOL.