Should I be friends with my ex-girlfriend?

[Jazzman]

Long story short - me and my ex broke up six months ago. We were only together for two months. She broke up with me, I didn't want it to happen, but I accepted it (eventually).

 

After the breakup, we remained friends, talking on the phone to each other every day for about two weeks before she decided that she needed time and space.............a grand total of about three weeks, before we began talking to each on the phone and online every day, like we used to do. A couple of months pass by, I get back in school, and we don't spend as much time with each other. About two months ago, I mistakenly believe that she's making a pass at me and wants to reconcile. I'm wrong........and ever since then, our conversations have been much more sporadic.......we talk about once or twice a week now, and even then we don't really talk.....we just send short messages to each other. We had our first "real" conversation since that time about three weeks ago.

 

Anyway.............in the two months since then, a lot has changed. My ex has fallen for someone else........and I've moved on. It's been tough, but I've just plain given up the fight. I'm not in love with her anymore; I'm not attracted to her anymore. But I still want to maintain a friendship.........we've both told each other countless times that we're each other's best friend.

 

But this morning she posted a survey on her myspace page, complete with her responses..........and one of the questions was, "Do you think exes can be friends?" Her response was, "I thought so." Now I don't want to go in making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, but that sounds like there's some doubt in her statement. She doesn't sound too confident in her reply. My question is, 1) should I confront her about it, and if so, how, and 2) should I just let this one go?

 

After all, I am her most recent ex, and according to her, the ONLY ex she's ever tried to be friends with. So wouldn't it seem reasonable to conclude that this response has something to do with me or with something that I've said?

 

I really do feel that I'm over my ex. But truth be told, I really don't like hearing her discuss anything about her new love interest (they're not officially in a relationship, just dating I guess). I just don't. I don't think it's jealousy but someone told me that it is, and that if I was truly over her, I wouldn't care. But who wants to hear their ex talk about getting hot and heavy with a new guy? I'm not even attracted to her anymore! I just don't want to hear it........am I really over her?

 

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[UnamedSeven]

I'm sorry, but just by reading your 'headline', you should never be friends with your ex. I'm still friends with my ex, but i know that things won't go anywhere beyond where they are now (for the record, she broke up with me) and, its no use in being your ex's friend if you still like him/her because you will never get over them if you are their friend. Which, leads to a very, very, struggling life. Coincidently, i tried to end my ex's friendship with her today, but i couldn't. She was trying to comfort me since she heard that my aunt and uncle are getting separated, and i couldn't bare any more pain to myself by ending a friendship on her birthday (today) and finding out about my aunt and uncle splitting. Its just too much pain.

 

Bottom line, don't be her friend. It only causes more pain for yourself and your closest friends.

[sscutie]

i think your ex is just having the same feelings that you are having... The way it can get awkward, the way you keep thinking about it, most likely that is the same way she is feeling... That is probably she responded to that... i really think you should just let it go and dont think too much about it...

[casanovacorner]

I'm friends with every ex except for 1, she's married and has 2 kids. I talk to her on myspace on occasion, but that's it. Here's the problem about being friends with an ex.

 

1) One of my ex's hates me, tries to make me jealous with her new boyfriends. She gets pissed when I don't care, then has sex with me. Strangest thing ever.

 

2) Another ex is crazy and only wants to have a sexual relationship because I have another girlfriend that she doesn't like.

 

3) This ex is gay now, lol. We are very good friends and she even shared one of her girls with me once.

 

4) Finally, this ex has been my off and on since I was 14 and she loves me. We mess around, are in love with each other, but we are FWB in the truest sense of the word. Neither of us wants to be with the other again and its great. She cooks for me and my current girlfriend and they hang out together. I love it.

 

The problem is, you end up having sex again, and potentially ruining any relationship that you currently have with someone else. Not to mention, the person you're with probably won't be comfortable with you being friends with an ex.

 

If you're single, go for it. If you plan to start a relationship, forget it unless your new girl is completely OK with the idea of an ex being around.

[Jazzman]

Well here's an update -

 

 

Tonight she posted another one of those damn bulletin things. And it asked her the same question, "do you think exes can be friends?". Her response this time? "I used to, but not anymore."

 

That sounds pretty clear-cut. The last time I thought maybe I misinterpreted something and let it go. Last time I talked to her was on Thanksgiving, we shared a couple of good laughs and I really felt good about things.

 

Even as recently as last night she left a funny comment on my facebook page (funny as in humorous, not funny as in suspicious). But now she sounds like she's made up her mind that we're not friends anymore?

 

I am HIGHLY upset. Here's why,

 

1) She apparently didn't want to tell me straight up and directly. She seems like she wants me to find out through these little bulletin things that I rarely look at. WTH???

 

2) She's been acting like we're cool! We just talked on Thanksgiving (Thursday)! I never would've known based on her behavior that we weren't friends anymore.

 

3) Since she's been acting like we're friends, but she says that we're not, she's been LYING to me! She's been lying all along, for all I know. And to think that she broke up with me because I lied to her! Now she thinks it's cool for her to lie to me? I can't help but wonder if she ever loved me. I can't help but question everything she's ever said or done. I sent her a message, and I want some answers. For the sake of closure, I want some answers. I know I'll move on.....................but I want to hear what she has to say about all of this.

 

I wish I didn't care and I wasn't hurt, but I am. I've literally lost my best friend, plus I feel like I've been betrayed. I know I have to move on, and love again. She has. I'd feel like she'd be getting the best of me if I say screw it and never open myself up again to anyone, so i have to move on. But dang this is really, really messed up.

 

I just feel like I've been done so wrong, but did I deserve any of this? What could I have done to prevent this? Maybe refusing her offer of friendship (yes, it was HER idea) in the aftermath of our breakup would've been the best thing to do.

 

And why does she feel the need to end our friendship all of a sudden? Is it the new dude? Is he so insecure that he demands that she gives up her ex-boyfriend/friend if she wants anything to do with him? It couldn't have been anything I've done..............if it is, she's done a REALLY good job of not telling me about it. I can't imagine what I could've done that would've caused this.

 

Any answers or insight? I'm hurt and confused.