leah_kely Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 I'm curious, why can't a guy come out and admit when he's not interested in a girl? Maybe I'm a little dense and don't pick up on certain signs, but wht the heel can't people just be honest and admit how they feel? I met a guy and asked him out, he said he was interested and has "tried to call me." Yet every time I have called him (all but once) he's been "busy." I've given him plently of opportunities to tell me he's not interested in me. I've told him "if you aren't interested tell me please." But he keeps saying that he is. It really pisses me off. Take right now for example... I called him and he was playing some stupid game, so he said he'd call me back in 5 minutes. It's going to be an hour since I called him. What the f**k is his problem? I've been up front, and given him tons of chances to say "hey I'm not interested." Normally I don't let things like this get to me, but it's just because he's saying one thing but acting another way. Where are all the good guys in the world? I'm a nice person. I'm smart, fun, and I'd like to think pretty, but I have the ****tiest luck with men. I am so sick of people saying "it's just not your time yet." I just don't understand why I am so unlucky in love. I'm a good person I deserve to be happy. Kelly P.S. this has nothing to do with the guy I talked about in my "did he like me posting?" Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 Ever hear the saying "actions speak louder than words?" You have ample evidence, tons of evidence, that this guy is not interested in you. He's often busy when you call, he doesn't return calls, he prefers to play video games than talk to you. He hasn't asked you out. All of this adds up to the plain and simple fact that he isn't interested in you. You were just trying to be simple and honest when you asked him out. Good for you. But the downside to such straightforwardness is that it can put people on the spot. Some people are very uncomfortable rejecting others. You might think that your straightforwardness deserved to be responded to in kind, but maybe he's just not that kind of person. You started out fine, but you forgot to pay attention to what he was doing in response to your straightforwardness. You can't expect someone to follow the same signal book that you use -- that's why you have to pay attention to them. When he started making lame excuses you should have seen that he was making lame excuses, which usually indicates that a person is uncomfortable and unwilling to be straightforward themselves. Since you made yourself and your intentions clear, why keep badgering him? Why focus on a narrow and flimsy piece of evidence that he might like you -- because he said, in a roundabout way, that he might -- when the overwhelming majority of the evidence you have says he isn't interested. Guys aren't the only ones who respond to a direct question with coy evasiveness. Women do it a lot too. I've been guilty of it myself. If someone says, "hey wanna go out for a drink with me tomorrow night," it's not easy to respond with "no thanks, I don't think I'd like to go out with you, but thank you for asking me." In fact some people would be offended if they got such a response, they might say, "well he didn't have to be so blunt about it, sheesh. All I did was ask him if he wanted to get a drink." I'm sorry you're having to deal with rejection. But the beauty of being upfront with him is that at least you know there's no way he mistook your intentions. You won't have to walk away from this wondering if the reason he didn't ask you out was because he wasn't really sure you wanted him to ask you out. Cut your losses and soon you'll find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 I've been up front, and given him tons of chances to say "hey I'm not interested." He might be saying something different to your face, but his actions would indicate that he's not interested in you. Maybe I'm a little dense and don't pick up on certain signs No, you're not dense and your radar is working just fine. See below. he's saying one thing but acting another way There is a guy out there for you somewhere. It's just not this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Yeti Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 seriously... then you got guys like me who don't have any problems when it comes to telling a girl when he isn't interested... but freaks out as soon as it's time to tell a girl he is interested... that really sucks, cause it only seems to happen around the really good ones... Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 I think you are just feeding his ego. It really doesn't matter how great you are because he is not taking you seriously. Why do you waste your time with him? Where are all the good guys in the world? Are you even interested in good guys? What is your idea of a good guy? The idea of a good guy seems so subjective. For example, there is a guy that questions his actions. Do you think he is introspective, or do you think he lacks confidence? Let's say this guy's fashion sense is not up-to-date. Is he old fashioned or does he prioritize things differently? He backs down from a fight. Is he a coward for not fighting, or is he a peacemaker? This guy like to drive well over the speed limit. Is that exciting or is it reckless? This guy has a low paying job but he really likes it. Does he lack ambition, or did he find his calling? You can put a twist on just about anything. I'm a good person I deserve to be happy. Relationships involve two people. Where is "us?" I think you are looking for a relationship for the wrong reasons. I would be miserable if I had to entertain somebody for the rest of my life. Would you do that? What is worse than being a clown? There is nothing dignified about it. Hypocrisy, lying, and manipulating apply to both men and women. I don't like it any more than you do, but there are a lot of people who do that. I am so sick of people saying "it's just not your time yet." That reminds me of "don't worry, you'll find somebody." Next time, ask them what the proper time should be. I really want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 IT destroys guys like this IMAGES To a toothpick of a size coin!! Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 I am so sick of people saying "it's just not your time yet." Are they suggesting that relationships are guided by a mystical force, or are they referring to some culture based time table. For example, some people believe that relationships are dictated by the stars (destiny), or they try to plan it like a dentist appointment. "Son, you will get married when you turn 28, and if you don't find someone, I will." I don't buy into any of it. IT destroys guys like this IMAGES To a toothpick of a size coin!! ~Heidi~, please elaborate. Link to post Share on other sites
cappie Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 I'm a good person I deserve to be happy. Besides the fact that happyness has nothing to do with having a relationship or not; why do you believe that you can't be happy with him not being interrested in you? Just be glad you're not wasting your time with him, and start opening your eyes for those guys who ARE interrested in you (are you sure he isn't gay, has a girlfriend or a lot of other girls he can "bone" so that he doesn't need a relationship (because he's simply not ready for it?)) Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted September 9, 2003 Share Posted September 9, 2003 IT destroys guys like this IMAGES To a toothpick of a size coin!! Ok, for those of you whom may have taken this comment thee wrong way.. Here's my elaboration of this semi simple phrase.. I DO NOT VIEW ALL GUYS LIKE THIS...... Just very recently I was encountered with so once I thought was my friend ( a guy).. And, well started seeing this girl.. And, absolutely ignores me now.. as if I don't even exist.. We used to be like best friends (to a certain extent). And, will for whatever reason he just doesn't want to acknowledge my phone calls, ims, etc. I had this whole recent summer '03 to recover and try to move on from him.. But in some ways.. it still hurts me that a once good friend like this.. has completely turned waves.. and now feels the need to act as if I'm invisible. WHATEVER!!! I say to myself. I just want to apologize to any guy out their whom took this comment the wrong way.. I don't view all guys like this.. There's only a select view which keeps me puzzled. Hopefully this clarifies my statement.... Link to post Share on other sites
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