A long story

[Baz0005]

You're all prolly used to long stories, so let me get it straight for yas.

 

Alright, so i'm having trouble getting over this girl, and its been about 8 months since last conversation with her now. Let me give a little background. Met at uni, started hanging out alot (never 'dating' - practically no physical contact, torture right? well i got iron willpower), tried to move it to 'dating' there a few times but she had trust issues due to a guy who hurt her, real bad (didnt know that part till AFTER i broke up wit her). We were, apart from physically, everything a couple is, but i needed to be able to hug/kiss/hold hands etc. lol- sounds weird, but it is as important as emotional connection i reckon.

 

So was basically "going out" for 6 months (always- like 4-5/7 days a week- with her and her family/freinds etc.) and i got attached, as she did. I tried to make it official again the day after she spent christmas wit me and my family, and she wanted to call it 'seeing each other'. This didnt mean much to me, I got sick of it, backed out, told her i was done, didnt want to see her or talk to her again etc. Broke contact, ignored her calls and attempts to ignore id ever left her.

 

Two months later, i'm missing her and i'm sorry, i tell her this, and she tells me shes got a boyfriend. Wow. So at the Easter show i see her with my best friend. She's with one of my best friends. First i'd heard of it, got pissed, hurt and really shocked (obviously).

 

>>Now to interject here, this friend was also kinda a rival, same age, competitive etc. and expressed an interest in her when i was with her, but she pushed him away and assured me she felt nothing for him- though i remained suspicious (trust got ravaged at that point)<<

 

So she tells me she was lonely and crushed by how i broke up with her (text message, very wrong, very cold, but after 6 months i was pretty wound up- plus i was new at this stuff) and this guy emailed her on valentines day, 2 months after, etc. Despite all this, she asks me to wait, let her think, because she still wants to be with me, but isnt sure she can trust me. I wait a month, hanging with her (while she is also hanging wit my old friend when im not there), it feels good, she makes changes to the way she was that caused me to leave her, and i tell her i need an answer, cuz i wont wait forever, and i know she still feels for me, so she says if i need an answer right now (after a month) she cant trust me again after the way i left her, wishes she could be with both of us, tear herself in two etc., basically wont risk being wit me again.

 

All over. I just break off contact completely. Delete everything, just break off entirely and ensure i get all different classes to her. I try getting out, meeting new people, tryin to forget her, hating that she is with that ******** (if she still is- would she be? impossible to say).

 

>>Now meeting new people didnt go excellent, in that i didnt find any new relationships, but i just put my efforts back into my gym work, uni work, getting out on weekends and being, well, single<<

 

Now, 8 months later, im still missing her, her family, her friends, talking with her, being with her. Saw her watching me outside an exam the other day, but I didnt talk to her. I think i should have moved on by now, and yet im contemplating contacting her and trying again. I really miss her, and i really want to be with her. Knowing why she had toruble getting close to me makes me wish id never broken it off with her (and broken her heart again). But she never told me until i had left her, so i dont blame myself entirely- tho i had partially guessed this when i was with her.

 

If i talked to her now, would there be any chance do you think? I have thought about her daily, regardless of what i do. Im sure she still feels for me, but ive no idea how to rekindle it. Especially if she is wit my ex-best-friend, if she is, i cant be around her- hurts too much. Thanks for reading, and helping, for those who can

 

Oh yeah, and she never gave my stuff back/ never gave her stuff back. That exchange didnt take place, if that changes anything. She's got my damn Evanescence CD! and Linkin Park! jeez... but seriously, teddy bears jewellery etc she has kept (presumably) in that she did not bring em in a box