His explanation for why we don't see each other is that our relationship has evolved

[sunnie23]

hello everyone,

 

for the past four months of my relationship, i've felt like i was on pins and needles. my bf and i have been together eight months. for the past four i've been able to see him only on weekends, but we talked every night (with the exception of a missed call here and there.) i can deal with giving him his space, as i'm a busy girl and require a lot of space myself. i get insecure, however, because he can't open up to me and tell me how he feels.

 

about two months ago i told him i loved him, because i do. he treats me the same way i treat him, but his response was that he cared about me and liked me and that we'd see where things went. although this hurt, it was something i could deal with (or so i thought)

 

now, he doesn't really say anything about his feelings. unless i go by the things he said months ago, i have no clue whats on his mind when it comes to me. we can talk about everything else, just not that.

 

so tonight when i got home from work i was feeling lonely. i thought to myself "i'd like to see mike..." but we were just together on saturday so i don't want to push it...so i called him, and he was at home, doing nothing. i got really offended by this, like if you're not busy and i'm not busy, shouldn't we be together?

 

so i told him we had to talk about the way things are with us. i told him i wanted to know how he felt and whether he was happy. i told him that we don't spend a lot of time together and since we're both back in school and not working, is there a reason why we don't see each other more often?

 

his responses have me feeling very uncomfortable. when it came to the part about the way he felt, he didn't really answer. he said he was happy with the way things are and is content. he assured me that he's not using me and that he's not just passing time with me.

 

his explanation for why we don't see each other is that our relationship has evolved, and he likes the way it is. his life is different now in that his priorities have changed, now he's very focused on his career goals and with only having one year left in school it's important to him that he gets everything done with his best effort.

 

we have plan to go for coffee wednesday and have an actual conversation. i am terrified that we're going to break up. he said that he thinks it'll be good for us to talk it all over, and i agree.

 

after we finished talking about our relationship, we went on to talk about other things, my work and school, his school, etc.

 

we still get along great and although we've had minor disagreements we don't really fight. we have a great time together and i hate it when he's not around.

 

any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Yeti]

truthfully, in my opinion.... from a guy, i do realize that sometimes we feel suffocated while in a relationship. however the amount of time that you are telling us that the two of you spend together sound like you have move almost to a position of friends. i could understand only of weekends if you two were living a distance apart, say like a half-hour or forty-five minutes, even if work and school conflicted... but i don't believe this is the case, correct? i don't blame you, if i were you i'd want to see him more too.

 

i enjoy spending a good amount of spare time with the people i care about whenever i can... yes, there is a limit, don't suffocate... but a relationship needs the two people to interact enough, not just talking on the phone all the time.

 

as far as the "i love you", that might just have scared him... some guys can't open up... but after 8 months you should have somewhat of a good idea of what kind of emotions he has.

 

i'm sorry to say but for your sake, you might want to think about taking a bit of a breather from this relationship... meeting for coffee once a week to talk about how to better your relationship isn't what you really want...

 

that's just my opinion though...

best of luck

- Yeti

[sunnie23]

thank you yeti

 

i should add that he lives an hour away. and that this "coffee meeting" won't be the only time we've seen each other...

[Yeti]

that makes a bit of a difference, the fact that the two of you live an hour away from each other... i was never one that was big on this type of situation, just because i can always see this happening sooner or later. i don't like long distance relationships for the simple fact that without that ability to be able to goto the other when needed, alot of times interest in the relationship can be lost by one or both of the people... but some can pull it off, my brother is a perfect example... to do this though, you MUST have full cooperation from both people... which, in your case, i don't believe you are getting from your boyfriend.

 

which leads me back to my last conclusion, you might want to take a breather, think about this relationship... hang out with some interesting guys that are closer to you... sitting an hour away from him for a week, waiting for friday or saturday to roll around finally doesn't sound like fun...

 

good luck...

- Yeti