Best friend (girl) is getting jealous of my love life and I fell for her...

[baseballboy7]

I apologize if this is long, but I think it's a good read and I am sure a fair amount of you can relate to it and give me some advice on how to deal with this.

I am now a sophomore in college and my best friend, who is a girl is a freshman in college. We've been best friends since she was a freshman in high school.

 

It all started my 2nd semester of college as a freshman. My best friend, Brittany, was a senior in high school, so I was away from her. It was tough as hell, but we talked on the phone every night and everything was perfect until this girl Kristin came along. I really liked this girl Kristin and she liked me. We started hitting it off and for months, we weren't officially together, but it was close enough. I spent so much time with her and since we went to the same school, I saw her each day. Unfortunately, I didn't realize I was pushing Brittany away. I barely talked to her anymore and in essence, I mistakingly "replaced" her. Well, I finally came to my senses and realized that Kristin was just a temporary girl in my life, but Brittany was forever. It took me awhile to realize, but Brittany forgave me.

Summer came around and I spent almost everyday with Brittany. It was crazy how much time I spent with her. Because of that, I realized that my best friend was everything I've ever wanted in a girl. She's smart, has a sense of humor, genuinely nice, and she's gorgeous. I never thought I would ever fall for her, but I did. I didn't tell her until we were both at college (different places, still). It was awkward at first, but we've only talked about it once and it hasn't been brought up since August, so I assume she thinks I am over her.

However, during the first month or so of college this semester, Kristin came back into my life. I didn't give in this time and I kept my distance because my friendship with Brittany is more important than my relationship with Kristin. However, I still really liked Kristin and Brittany. Brittany at this time knew I was over her, but knew I still had feelings for Kristin. She hated when I talked about her, but I vowed to Brittany that I wouldn't ever go to Kristin. To this day, it hasn't happened. I think the big reason is because I still have feelings for my best friend, Brittany.

Now, to the actual point of my post... Brittany absolutely hates when a girl comes into my life. She openly tells me that she gets jealous and feels like she has to compete for me. She's said if it was up to her, she would never let a girl get close to me because she hates to share. I'm not sure if I like it or not. In one way, it's flattering to know how much I actually mean to her. In another way, because I like her, and she doesn't want a girl in my life... it's keeping me from actually doing anything. I want to move on and find another girl, but Brittany has me waiting around because I like her and she doesn't want another girl in my life. We've even talked about how if we aren't married by 30 or something ridiculous like that, that'd we get married together. It's just a weird and tough situation. I have no desire to go after another girl because of what she's said even if I realize she may not have feelings for me because I'm her best friend. She hasn't openly said she doesn't like, but she hasn't said she likes me, either. I can't ask her, that's out of the question. I don't want to risk to make things awkward by saying I still have feelings for her.

 

It's jealousy on both sides. She hates when I have another girl in my life and I hate when another guy is in her life.

 

What does all of this mean? Is there deep feelings that are just being left unsaid? How can we contain our jealousy about others in our life? Is it possible to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex without having feelings for them?

 

Sorry that this is long, but thanks to everyone that answers. It is much appreciated.

[sscutie]

Then why are you two not together? seems to me that you really like her but both of you dont want to jeopardize your friendship... I think that you have to choose between love and friendship, you cant have both fully at the same time... I for one believe that when it comes to the point wherein both of you are getting jealous of each others romatic lives then its time to try the transition from friendship to love

[casanovacorner]

I disagree with the post above. Me and my girlfriend are best friends. We talk about everything. She tells me about guys she thinks are sexy, and I tell her about girls I'd love to have sex with. Its not the average relationship, but it works for us. She has permission to sleep with other guys, as long as she brings me a girl home and I know about the guy. She hasn't taken me up on the sleeping with another guy offer, but she does bring me girls.

 

We read together, watch movies, wrestle, eat, sleep, and go to the gym together. My girl is my best friend. You can indeed have both if neither of you are jealous, trust each other, and don't think of it as a relationship, but more like a friendship with more feelings involved.

 

That may not be what you want in a relationship, but try being friends with her and being her boyfriend. Its a lot less stressful and it'll make life easier than wanting her and not having her, or having her and being jealous all the time.

[motive2002]

What you've written, sounds like a typical plot in a chick flick. Been friends for so long but never hooked up.. etc.

 

Here's my opinion, as flawed as it may be. STAY FRIENDS. The happily ever after part is only in the movies. If you'd rather not lose the friendship you have, then make it clear that you're just friends.. and if she gets jealous, you're just gonna have to assert to her that the jealousy makes you uncomfortable.

 

I have GUY friends that get jealous when I have a GF in my life, because it DOES take time away from them, and it has nothing to do with any romantic feelings whatsoever. With that said perhaps you should ask yourself if her jealous feelings are romantic, or just "gee it be nice to see you around more often" kinda 'freinds' jealousy instead.