Distancing Herself From Me

[ATR]

Okay, me and my girlfriend used to text each other allot during the day, while we were at school. We would talk most nights and i thought she was generally enjoying it...

 

Recently she's not been as enthusiastic about talking to me (probably me being stupid) i now find her to give shorterned answers or get the feeling she's uninterested. Im feeling like that i am annoying her by contacting her. So i thought i'd lay off texting her for the day and see if she bothers to try and contact me... she doesn't, so i sent her one (out of boredom:rolleyes:) and we sent a couple to eachother.

 

I sometimes feel that i am not worth her time or annoying her. I'm not sure if she actually "fancies" me. I know i like her more than she does me... She is not one to give out many compliments, but i think that could be just her personality.

 

Is this all some kind of therapy for me!?

 

Argh LDR's suuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

[Ronni_W]

Have you asked her if there's anything going on in her life that is causing more stress than usual? Sometimes we make things about us, and we end up forgetting to show care and interest in our loved ones.

 

Could be a more-hectic work or school schedule, or trying to help a friend through a crisis, or wondering whether to take up yoga or sky diving. Doesn't have to have ANYTHING to do with you, I mean. Or maybe it has everything to do with you...either way, you won't know until you ask (from a place of caring and concern for HER well-being, not just your own.)

 

Good luck -- hopefully it just is that her mind is occupied with other areas of her life .

[Maggs]

In the beginning, generally there's lots more contact in an LDR. Because of the excitement factor and you're missing each other and needing the extra. But I find as you each get into a routine of your own life, you aren't in constant contact all day long. Usually one partner is more anxious to talk then the other.

 

Try not to make any assumptions about why she's not in contact as much as you. Because you'll end up in a downward spiral of being upset over something that's not even there.

[ATR]

Aha, thanks for the advice

Yeah i think she's just being busywith other stuff in her life at the moment, i'm being too needy:o

[The LDR-er]

Okay, me and my girlfriend used to text each other allot during the day, while we were at school. We would talk most nights and i thought she was generally enjoying it...

 

Recently she's not been as enthusiastic about talking to me (probably me being stupid) i now find her to give shorterned answers or get the feeling she's uninterested. Im feeling like that i am annoying her by contacting her. So i thought i'd lay off texting her for the day and see if she bothers to try and contact me... she doesn't, so i sent her one (out of boredom:rolleyes:) and we sent a couple to eachother.

 

I sometimes feel that i am not worth her time or annoying her. I'm not sure if she actually "fancies" me. I know i like her more than she does me... She is not one to give out many compliments, but i think that could be just her personality.

 

Is this all some kind of therapy for me!?

 

Argh LDR's suuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

 

sorry i just wanna get the story stright, so u are in LDR with her? and where is she now? r u both out of reach from each other? is just confussing since u said when u are both at school? does that mean u guys have to be seprated because the end of college.

 

as for her seems not intrested in texting you, as u said she is not the type that gives out complimants, but that should not be a element of that she did not text you when u did not text her, i asume u used to tect her everyday right? surely if she cares, she will notice that you did not text her that day, but u should not be worried as it is only one day, as some girls are just positive thinking in general and think u were busy or something maybe don't text her more often as a test, if she has no respond to that and does not ask you why u don;t text her as often i think you might need to ask her what is worng, cos usually couples tend to care abt their rotine alot especially with LDR couples.try calling her when u do that don;t confront her, just ask her as u care abt her feelings.

[JaydaLeah]

well, i guess sometimes its natural that a person will start to "cool down" in the relationship. In fact, it happens to all relationship, whether LD or not.

 

i'm beginning to find myself struggling with my LDR too. The internet and ph connections just sucks so much, it's hard to chat or skype w/o disconnecting or battling with distortions. It came to a pt that i don't even feel like talking to him anymore coz.. its just a pain to try to conduct a decent conversation w/o "huh?" or "what did u just say again??".

 

Not that i don't love my bf, just that.. i don't know, i just don't feel like talking to him. Maybe i just need time off from having to "struggling" a chat with him? Shrugs.

 

Anyway, maybe it'd be good for you to email her your thoughts? And then maybe drop her a text saying "i've been feeling down about us..Just thought to share them with you...sent you an email. (rem to end off with an I Love You!)". If you really matter, she will check it soonest knowing that something is bothering you. All the best... LDR is indeed not easy. Its a test to a person's ability to be patient, to compromise and a test for the couple's commitment and endurance to run that race. Sigh!

[ATR]

sorry i just wanna get the story stright, so u are in LDR with her? and where is she now? r u both out of reach from each other? is just confussing since u said when u are both at school? does that mean u guys have to be seprated because the end of college.

 

Well we met on a school trip. We don't live too far but i don't drive yet and the trains are tricky. So we started off already in a LDR We're about 4 hours away from each other.

as for her seems not intrested in texting you, as u said she is not the type that gives out complimants, but that should not be a element of that she did not text you when u did not text her, i asume u used to tect her everyday right? surely if she cares, she will notice that you did not text her that day, but u should not be worried as it is only one day, as some girls are just positive thinking in general and think u were busy or something maybe don't text her more often as a test, if she has no respond to that and does not ask you why u don;t text her as often i think you might need to ask her what is worng, cos usually couples tend to care abt their rotine alot especially with LDR couples.try calling her when u do that don;t confront her, just ask her as u care abt her feelings.

 

Yes we used to talk a lot throughout the day. Yeah, i'm not texting her as much as i used to, but she did text me last night so i think she realises, and care

She said she was ill a couple of days ago, so i think she might just be recovering.

 

well, i guess sometimes its natural that a person will start to "cool down" in the relationship. In fact, it happens to all relationship, whether LD or not.

 

Yeah i think that could be happeneing, getting bored of me? haha

 

i'm beginning to find myself struggling with my LDR too. The internet and ph connections just sucks so much, it's hard to chat or skype w/o disconnecting or battling with distortions. It came to a pt that i don't even feel like talking to him anymore coz.. its just a pain to try to conduct a decent conversation w/o "huh?" or "what did u just say again??".

 

Yeah this is exactly what is happening to us aswell. She says she can hear me perfectly but i cant her her atall sometimes i find myself asking what she said all the time. So far we've laughed it off but i can hear her frustration sometimes

 

Not that i don't love my bf, just that.. i don't know, i just don't feel like talking to him. Maybe i just need time off from having to "struggling" a chat with him? Shrugs.

 

Anyway, maybe it'd be good for you to email her your thoughts? And then maybe drop her a text saying "i've been feeling down about us..Just thought to share them with you...sent you an email. (rem to end off with an I Love You!)". If you really matter, she will check it soonest knowing that something is bothering you. All the best... LDR is indeed not easy. Its a test to a person's ability to be patient, to compromise and a test for the couple's commitment and endurance to run that race. Sigh!

 

I think she does want to talk, she tells me sometimes that she misses our phone calls if we havent spoken in a while. Nah, i guess i am just a worrysome guy:o I have not told her i love her yet... as i do not (she hasn't either)

Your right, LDR's are not easy, too many mind games! I am commited to her and i feel she is to me.

 

Can't wait to see her again!

[Mollyeb_7]

I am in a LDR and my boyfriend and I usually send e-mails back and forth to eachother during the day. A lot of times I won't e-mail him first because I feel like I'm bothering him or he doesn't want to talk to me. Maybe she just needs the reassurance of you sending her a message before she can send you one.

[ThisGuy85]

I don't know, but maybe texting is the problem. Personally if someone texts me And they want to carry on some kind of conversation, I end up getting annoyed with all the typing and just tell them to call me if they want to talk. Texting is just kind of time consuming and can be annoying, Especially if you're trying to do somthing. Having to stop, Put the fishing pole down , Open the phone, Read the message,type my reply on the impossibly small keyboard , Hit send, Close the phone, Pick the fishing pole back up , Only to hear beeeep two seconds later . Maybe

[ATR]

Ok we haven't talked in 3 days now. I left her the last text saying goodnight a couple of nights back.

I refuse to text her first as i am so sick of chasing her!

Shall i text her in a couple of days saying "is anything wrong etc" or should i just leave it and wait for her to text me?

[thisismystory]

Ok we haven't talked in 3 days now. I left her the last text saying goodnight a couple of nights back.

I refuse to text her first as i am so sick of chasing her!

Shall i text her in a couple of days saying "is anything wrong etc" or should i just leave it and wait for her to text me?

 

i am going through the same thing as your are. or similar situation, at least. and have pretty much decided to stop contact.

 

it's true that after a while, people get caught up in their own lives.

 

and the person that cares more WILL always notice the decrease in communication. sometimes you just get sick of it.

 

you definitely wonder if they're genuinely busy, disinterested, or something. but you don't want every conversation you have later to be "hey, why aren't you talking to me anymore?" right? it can be such a downer.

 

and i understand it can be tiring. maybe she was ignoring you because she thought you were ignoring her? if you guys are in college, maybe she's got finals. maybe she's not interested anymore. you never know until you ask. and i'm not to judge your situation.

 

maybe you should take a step back and not worry so much. i feel like there's always an inbalance in relationships. my first bf...he cared too much. i didn't care. and with this one.....he's distant and i feel the need to put in more.

 

not sure if i helped =X i'm not one to give advice. i'm just going through the same thing as you. guess it helps to know someone's in the same situation as me.

[ATR]

Yes it does suck:mad:

I don't want to anger her though so i dont know if i should text her, but then i dont know if i'm being too clingy by texting her first (would feel like i'm giving in to her) i wouldn't want to break up with her over this. It's my birthday next week, i think i'll wait and see if she remembers, if she doesn't then that's a clear sign she's disinterested in me.

[thisismystory]

then just wait it out. if you feel questioning her is gonna make her more angry....then it's just not gonna be good, right? but maybe she never got your text message? sometimes i find emails more reliable. or just plain AIM.

 

when is your next visit with her? maybe your questions will all be answered when you see her in person. that's what i'm gonna do. wait it out until i see him in person. electronic communication and leave with so much misunderstandings.

[ATR]

she got pissed off cos i didnt contact her and broke up with me:sick::(:(

[jessica2484]

I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING.i BROKE U WITH HIM BECAUSE HE DIDNT CONTACT ME ENOUGH.HE WOULD TELL ME TO CALL HIM AND WHEN I DID HE WOULDNT ANSWER....

[thisismystory]

she got pissed off cos i didnt contact her and broke up with me:sick::(:(

 

did you try explaining to her that you didn't contact her b/c you thought she was distancing herself from you?

[ATR]

I am extremely pissed off with her:mad:

This relationship was extremely one sided, she made pretty much no effort.

I always went to see her, she never came to visit me.

I think i must have spent roughly £60 on her during our relationship, i'd say she spent around £2.

I was always the one to call

I was always the one chasing her

She blames her mum for everything that she cant do.

And then she has the ****ing cheek to break up with me! AND IN A TEXT! I told her i thought that was disrespectful and she came up with some **** excuse that she has no credit and her house phone isnt working.

Argh god i so deserve better:mad:

 

I asked if she wants to go non-contact, she said no cos she likes me its just b/c of the distance and i didnt do anything wrong.

I'm seriously considering though as i am mega pissed off at her right now:mad:

[Amalia]

I have similar situation as you do… I understand your anger.

Lately I feel similar, but it’s maybe he is passing hard time. In the begginings he did all the effort, now I feel am I doing it for couple of moths.

For example, before we used to contact each other often during the day, now he is busy so it’s not possible. Sometimes he doesn’t contact me all day, and I don’t like always to be the first who writes messages, first to call…I don’t like not to know what he is doing.. Not because I don trust him or because I am jealous (although I am) but because I want to be the part of everything he does… One day happened after work I tried to call him but he didn’t respond. I didn’t write text messages and went to celebrate with my friend her birthday. I come back lately in the evening and he criticized me not to let him know anything. When I don’t contact him he criticize it, when he doesn’t do it, he was busy, in the bad mood or something else.

If you really care about her, try to talk with her, maybe in person would be the best, try to explain her your feelings and why didn’t you contact her.

Don’t judge relationship about how much every person has spend. I did it also, and I know it’s wrong. Don’t let beautiful things get ruined because of financial reasons.

But try to understand what she feels also, if she doesn’t care, all the effort is invain..

[thisismystory]

well i agree you should talk it out with her to get the whole story. but if it doesn't work and she's just not gonna cooperate....then you should just NOT contact her. who knows how much longer she's gonna string you along.

[ATR]

I just find it so disrespectful. I'm not saying anything to her untill she contacts me. I do not care. I have lost all my likeness towards her:mad:

 

Oh i dont know if i said but her reason for dumping me is.

 

"I don't want to do this anymore. Seeing you once every 2 months is not enough"

 

****ing hell it was her turn to visit me and i tell her that im available every weekend.

 

**** it:mad:

[ATR]

I'm sorry for double posting.

 

But i really am extremely depressed now I cant stop crying i dont know what to do with myself.

[amerikajin]

Sorry about that, chief.

 

As you say, LDRs are challenging. People on both ends go through all sorts of highs and lows -- more than the usual highs and lows that you find in any relationship. Sometimes the distance is good because the pace of the relationship doesn't go too fast. But if one person really needs intimacy, LDRs can be almost unbearable.

 

I know the response is "Well if that's the case, why enter into an LDR." All I can say is that sometimes it's hard to predict how someone's going to feel after several months of not seeing someone. People probably enter into it with the best of intentions, but it just doesn't work out. Of course that's of little consolation to the person on the other end, who desperately fights for the relationship to continue.

 

I don't think you can see this in terms of right or wrong, though. I think she did the honorable thing by letting you go rather than stringing you along. Perhaps the end could have come sooner, but it wouldn't have been any less painful. You'll recover and find someone who's worth your time.

[LavendarGirl]

ATR, I'm sorry for your pain, you certainly don't deserve it. If its any consolation, I doubt that the real reason she broke up was because you stopped contacting her. You stopped contacting her because you felt her pull away and then b/c she wasn't replying to your txts, you didn't want to make all the efforts.

 

Put this behind you, allow yourself some time to heal, and then find yourself a gal who can treat you right.

 

--LG

[ATR]

She told me she broke up with me because she didn't see me enough. She wanted to see me but her mum is really secure about her so she wouldnt let her travel on her own to see me.

I still believe this relationship has a chance again, am i holding on the false hope? Probably.

Just turned 17 so i can now learn to drive which means i could see her FAR more frequently.

But then again i dont know if i shouold just move on...

[LavendarGirl]

ATR, can you arrange to see her face to face? She's not that far of a drive, is she? Maybe a friend of yours can drive you to see her? Or a train ride away, I don't know. But make it sooner rather than later, so that you can find out once and for all if this is a relationship that can be mended or not. It's definitely tearing you up.