I think I'm falling for someone else...

[bk1234]

Okay, so I'm currently in a relationship. We care about each other very much, and I know my girlfriend's crazy about me. Unfortunately, I just don't feel the same about her.

To make things worse, I know another girl. I believe I've fallen in love with her. Then she admitted that she loves me too, and that she envies my girlfriend.

I just feel bad about it, and I wish I could be with the girl I love instead of my current girlfriend. I can't break up with my girlfriend. Especially for another girl. It's not that I won't feel bad about it, I know I would.

It's just...If I dump my girlfriend, (and I'm 100% sure she'll know it's for another girl, which makes it worse)

1. I'm afraid she might hurt herself or do something bad/worse. and 2. She'll become miserable, and I don't have the heart to break hers.

 

What should I do? I feel so confused and really in need of good advice.

[Geishawhelk]

If you stay where you are, you make 3 people miserable.

if you leave and follow your heart, you just risk making one person miserable.

 

If she damages herself - and I know this sounds cruel - that is not your fault.

If you're really worried about it, talk to a mutual friend, and say you can't stay in the relationship any more because you don't love her.

Ask them to help you keep an eye on her.

 

But if you break - break. Don't pussyfoot and prevaricate.

[bk1234]

Point taken.

[Trialbyfire]

If you no longer have the same feelings for your g/f, then walk. Do this for your g/fs sake.

 

I will point out to you that while it might make your ego feel good, what kind of person poaches, to get a b/f or g/f? As well, what kind of person can be poached?

 

All questions you need to ask yourself but those are personal self-development issues, rather than the advice you're looking for.

[mental_traveller]

You should dump her. There's no easy way to do it, just be honest and do it quickly.

 

If you don't dump her, you are going to cheat on her, which is 100 times worse than being dumped. Even if you don't cheat (unlikely), you will be wasting years of her life. Are you gonna marry this girl even though you don't feel for her? If so then you are going to lie to her, waste her life, waste yours. If you aren't, then you are going to have to dump her eventually anyway.

 

You are just afraid of the consequences. Man up and do the right thing, stop procrastinating and hoping for an easy way out - there isn't one. Just do it.

[reservoirdog1]

I was where you are, about five months ago (but without somebody else I was interested in). We'd had a lot of disagreements and fought a lot (non-physical), but she was crazy about me. Actually taking the step of breaking up was bloody difficult, and I know it hurt her, and I felt lousy about that, because I actually cared for her. But it was the best thing for me, no doubt about it.

 

I could have stayed and been miserable, just out of fear of hurting her. But I have a right to be happy too, and overall I'm much happier now than I was then. She was devastated for a few months, and I was on the receiving end of some sad/angry outbursts on several occasions, but she seems to be doing quite a bit better these days. Long story short, we're still in periodic contact, but we can actually carry on a conversation and be friendly with each other now.

 

Be prepared to feel horribly guilty when you actually break up with her. But if your feelings aren't there for her like they should be, what you will probably also feel afterwards will be a sense of relief.