where is the man i married??

[flmomma]

my story is a very long and complicated one. we have both done stupid things since we seperated in july.

 

i let things be about 3 weeks ago. i quit the begging and pleading. even though when i would i would get different responses and mixed signals from him. he would say things like, i want to come home but i want you to change. i want to come home when i can make sure i'm able to take care of myself. i want to get counceling.

 

the last week has been horrible. we haven't been going NC but there is very little. he lives 5 mins away with his brother, 2 females and one of the womans 6 month old son.

 

i have sent him two messages. even though this is going to embarrass the poop out of me im going to put them on here, because i need some advice:

______________________________________________________________

 

*ME * hope you and the kids had a good weekend! t.j. has another appointment tuesday in milton. i'll let u know the details when we get back. well, what you said earlier in the text is WRONG =), MY AMAZING UNDERSTANDING husband is hidden underneath confusion, anger and pride right now. but his UNDERSTANDING SEXY wife, is showing him who he fell in love with, and in due time he will come home to her, and have the life he longs for! baby, the fact is WE both have done stupid things these last 5 months. thats it, its only been 5 months of FOREVER!! i love you more than anything, thats why I married you. I KNOW you will be the man that i promised my life to and make the best choice for our family and I know if you let me be your wife you would be the happiest man alive ;-)

 

*STBXH*

 

i do not love you

i want you to leave me alone

quit using timothy as a ploy

understand that you and i will never EVER even so much as brush shoulders ever again. I cannot stand you, your forehead your frizzy ass hair, your ignorance, your illiteracy, your derranged stalker, this aint a movie, you can only get away with this **** for so long, your a peice of work bitch, leave me alone.

go find some other poor soul to torture, you sociopath. you are possessed by a derranged sociopathic demon.

 

*my response to that e-mail*ok, here it goes. you hate me right now! COMPLETELY understandable. i would hate me to (i already do) if i have done all of the bitcy insane unstable things i have done. dude, up until that weekend i was seriously loosing it. (you know what i mean). i had so many emotions flooding me. and anger and hate were all that shown through. does your mom have reason to hate me? yup. your brother? yup. this is what im trying to say. . . what i have done should be enough to make you run, all the way to freakin china. but, i want to ask you one more time, open your heart to me, watch for the changes and the improvments im making. will you believe them after a week, or a month, probably not. ****, i've told you so many things, (and when i would say it i meant it) but i was still having my issues. and would **** **** up all over again. we both have hurt each other and we BOTH need time to heal. it's going to take a while for you to be even able to look at me without getting pissed. i've been trying to prove to every body that i love my husband and want him to come give me a chance. then i did stupid things. seriously, think REAL hard. if i could change, and give you your space or whatever it is you need, and then you started to see the changes im making, would you want to give us a shot? just think about it. my sorry's won't mean **** until i show you that im not going to go do something else the next day that reqiurs an "im sorry". so, go get your space. see other people. date. whatever makes you happy. but i know once i get better we can be together. you love me brody, and damn do i love you. we are each others soul mate. soul mate's don't get along that great because they are so much alike. =) but they fill the void in each other, and know in there hearts the other is the "one". i know you can feel that right now, i sure do. so what im asking, is will you just put EVERYTHING between me and you on hold? fighting, argueing, divorce? custody? child support? will you take that time and focuss on you? in a few months, after our tempers have cooled and we have had some SERIOUS time to think about things, really think about them, we can conqer them one at a time. custody. . ect. i really do believe that if we give it 3 months, a year, with some thought we will realize that we either need to work on us, or be able to get out of the marriage with dignity, money in our wallets and as friends. am i asking u to come over for coffee next sunday? HECK NO! you need to hate me right now, you have every right. i have embarrased my self, my husband, my family and my pride. i can't be a wife right now, i got a lot of things to fix about my self before i can be the wife you need. since the split began i wasn't thinking about those things, i was in panic mode/emotional over drive trying to get you back. think about all of this. a simple "ok" response would be amazing. you don't owe me anything, not one bit but i think we both owe it to our selves, our future and our children to "sit" on this for a while. . . and just fyi, im wearing my wedding rings. im attending church wednesdays and sundays. im in church groups and i haven't excepted any date offers or anything. im focussing on me and my kids. and i need this time and so do you. . you know what im saying. i know you do.

 

*stbxh* Get out of my computer demon.

The power of Christ compells you.

I do not read 95% of this crap you send. Leave me be. The emails are too long to "conqer" heh. Go back to school Jessica.

_________________________________________________________

 

wow, i just got the last one. still crying from it. since these girls have moved in with him, he has being so hate full. he was still understanding and loving before that, thats why i sent the messages.

 

i know my husband, i know something is going on right now with him. i hate that i can't help him. im letting go now. the way he has treated me has tore me up so much. i can't deal with him any more.

 

i told him a while back that i am letting God take the wheel, and everything will fall into place. he came back with there is not god. and trying to convience me that there isn't.

 

im not ugly, but now all of a sudden he is talking about my looks. up until 3 weeks ago he would still tell me how beautiful i am.

 

i dropped out of school to be with him, and we had out first child. but went back and graduated, but now he is throwing that in my face.

 

why do i still want to be with him? why do i still cry over "loosing him"? look how he treats me. is it because i want to be in control and i WANT him to want me?

 

how do i let go and quit beating a dead horse.?

 

and last, is it possible that he just doesn't love me any more.? how could that be so, if 6 months ago when we were still together he was telling me how i am his soul mate and never could live with out me. and 3 weeks ago he came over and told me that he loved me and was coming home???

 

im just so broken right now.

 

p.s. i'll probably delete this soon, i already regret putting the messages on there. im so embarassed that i was begging him to THINK about saving our marriage and he is downing me!

[whichwayisup]

This is just so wrong...Honestly, he needs help because the disrespect and the way he's treating you so AWFUL! But then again, the things you've done too, aren't very great either..

 

Have no idea if you two cheated upon eachother, but whatever happened, it's changed your marriage.

 

Obviously you two have had a very unhealthy dynamtic and a rocky marriage. Question is, IS it worth saving by doing marriage counselling together FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILD, to give it one last shot? or would it be best to divorce, have shared custody and learn to co-parent together but in separate houses..

[LostHusband]

You need to take your husband's advice and just "leave [him] be". That's the only shot you have - all the stuff you write and all the begging you do will just push him further and further away. I'm reading your email you wrote (that can't be a phone text can it??) and it's pushing me away and I don't even know you. Hope you get better and start to feel better soon, I'm sure you are really a sweet gal when you aren't worked up over some guy who doesn't sound like he's worth trying to win back in the first place.

[flmomma]

i know. i beat my self up every time i send those messages. i just feel so out of control over the whole thing. that has always been my issue, control. i know he isn't going to come home just by me writing a message, but i still do it.

 

i do love him, and i know i have pushed him to this point.

 

but i also know he does things to push me to push him, as complicated as that sounds.

 

we are both very young. im 21 and he is 23. we were both living with our parent when we started dating, which was only 3 weeks before we found out we were having our son. (we were friends for 6 years)

 

it was like life was just thrown at us over night.

 

we seriously went from living at home with no responsibility's to a mortgage, baby, car notes, new jobs, another baby.

 

all in a 2 year time span. i was an emotional wreck, i had pp depression after our son was born, then 2 months later we got pregnant with our daughter. then i had a c section. and pp again.

 

i just wonder that if we both have this time, is there any way we can make it work.???

 

this is the first time he's ever lived on his own with out a crying, complaining wife and kids. im scared he likes it too much.

 

every one tells me to focus on me, and if it's ment to be he will come back and it will work. i know thats true but i can't just let it sit. i'll tell my self every night before i go to bed that im not going to contact him at all. but then i do. about something silly.

 

i always tell him that he is hurting his kids, which i think he is. he gets them 24 hours a week. he always tells every one how much he loves his kids and how good of a dad he is, but he only keeps them when he HAS to. they can't even call him, he won't answer. he knows that he can keep them WHENEVER he wants. but he chooses not to.

 

my two year old is having a really hard time with this. he is purposly acting out and beating up his sister, not in a "Normal" two year old way though.

 

i don't know what else to do. i can't make him want to work on our marriage, or be a dad. i just wish he would WANT to.

[LostHusband]

Don't beat yourself up over sending those messages, what's done is done. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to control yourself. I still call my STBXW or text her about stupid stuff that I should just let go or wait until a better time. I use to sit around and just think of something and then grab the phone, and think "I better not..." but then I just flip it open and start typing something - all the while thinking "There's no way I should send this to her" then I would just automatically hit the "send" key the whole time thinking "this is stupid...this is stupid..." It's like I was possessed by this need to contact her and couldn't stop myself. I have that more under control now - tonight her mother is in the hospital and I have the kids and I want so much for her to call or text just to check on the kids or something, and I want to contact her to see how everything is going - but I'm not part of her life anymore, someone else is, so I just won't do it. It hurts that I can't even call someone who before I could just pick up the phone and talk to anytime about anything. Oh yes it does hurt and it is also very hard. Keep your head up girl it will get better if you let it!

[carhill]

No more messages....let him talk to your lawyer

 

IC would be great. Sacrifice something else (to pay for it) to retain your sanity.

 

People who experience this kind of rancor often come to think that this is how divorce is supposed to go. Not true. The rancor is a result of immaturity and lack of negotiation and communication skills. Nobody's fault. Life experience brings these tools. Take it from someone who's way too emotional about such things Therapy will teach you tools to manage this.

 

Don't worry about where the man you married is. He's gone. Save yourself

[stray_cat]

 

 

 

*STBXH*

 

i do not love you

i want you to leave me alone

quit using timothy as a ploy

understand that you and i will never EVER even so much as brush shoulders ever again. I cannot stand you, your forehead your frizzy ass hair, your ignorance, your illiteracy, your derranged stalker, this aint a movie, you can only get away with this **** for so long, your a peice of work bitch, leave me alone.

 

go find some other poor soul to torture, you sociopath. you are possessed by a derranged sociopathic demon.

 

 

 

*stbxh* Get out of my computer demon.

The power of Christ compells you.

I do not read 95% of this crap you send. Leave me be. The emails are too long to "conqer" heh. Go back to school Jessica.

 

 

 

why would you even want to be with someone who can disrespect you this much? from the way he sounds, its like he is disgusted by you. please dont let him treat you this way. but he will if you let him. he does not respect you. and when there is no respect, how can there be love?