forgotten_hopes Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Hey there. This is going to be long and if anyone is interested to read this I'd be more than grateful for a little advice or perspective. I'm very new to this thing. First off, I'm 21, I consider myself to be a very loving, trustworthy, and loyal person. However, my past actions have not reflected that. I have been in an on and off relationship with a guy (we were friends since I was 14) for basically the past four years. We've broken up and gotten back together about four times. One time when we were broken up I (stupidly and drunkenly) fooled around with one of his friends. I told him the truth, sobbing, and all, and we stopped talking for about 8 months. We then started talking and got back together for a while. He eventually broke up with me this past summer because he said he couldn't really trust me. I didn't really want to break up but was fine with that, willing to take responsibility for my actions. Since we broke up I've felt good with my life, in fact happier than I have been in a while. I also felt great because I had a big secret that I wouldn't have to worry about: I messed around with his best friend (yes, a different one, and I feel like total crap even writing this) about four times, once when we were together and the other times during one of our "off" periods. There were no feelings involved whatsoever. This is messy because I'm good friends with his friend (Jack) and his friend's girlfriend (who he cheated on with me!). This sounds absolutely miserable, I know. I didn't tell my ex because I knew it would irreparably damage his relationship with Jack. It would also end my friendship with his girlfriend. Over the past week my ex has called me and said he still loved me, wanted to be with me, made a mistake, etc. I doubted if I even loved him because, well, how could I have done that to someone I really loved? I did that because I was at a low period in my life when I was drinking a lot and wasn't very responsible overall, had low self-esteem, etc. He makes it sound like he really wants to work at being with me, and we've always had a really close connection and deep love. I want to be with him too but I feel it's not fair to him to even bother. Telling him the truth isn't really an option at all. Should I call it quits before it gets even messier or should I try to make our relationship work without telling him? I know I would never cheat on him again because I made my mind up about that years ago and haven't had any feelings for anyone else. I know this is whiny and I am willing to call it quits, but I feel like I'll be hurting him if I tell him I don't want to be with him whereas I might be able to have a good future with him if I swallow my guilt and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Well, you kind of answered your own question. You said telling him the truth isn't an option. So, just leave the poor guy alone is my advice, I mean soon you're gonna run out of friends of his to mess around with anyways, so better to walk away now. Also for future reference it's never a good idea to get between friends, especially best friends it's kinda shady. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 I would think that you need to tell about his so-called friend Jack. He needs to know that this guy Jack is not a true friend to him at all and is willing to stab him in the back. The bottom line is that: 1. He needs to know that Jack is not a friend to him and probably try to this again with someone else. 2. Only the truth shall set your free. Tell him the truth and there is a possibility he will forgive you and try to make a life together with you. You are a different person now. 3. Not telling him means you will not have a relationship with a man you may love and you allow him to be made a fool of by a good friend of his. If you truly respect him then you will need to tell him the truth and stop running away from being honest with him. You either value truth and honesty or lies and deceit. The choice is yours. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Call it quits! You have a pattern of doing the most hurtful thing you could think of. If you really did care about him you would let him know what kind of friend he has. Don't get into a relationship until you can work out your own issues. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 if you loved him, i'd advice to shut up about these indiscretions and do it right this time, but really, really mean it and do it right. but i don't think you do actually love him- read your own description - you're considering getting back with him because of him, not really because of how you feel. so it's probably best to leave him alone. i would also recommend cutting all ties with the so called ****face friend and his gf. it is none of your business to mess up with people's lives and "tell everything". you take responsibility of your own mistakes. let others do the same for themselves (or not). you'll hear a ton more of replies that would advice to tell everything, but ask yourself what would be your true motivaiton if you did... Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 i would also recommend cutting all ties with the so called ****face friend and his gf. it is none of your business to mess up with people's lives and "tell everything". you take responsibility of your own mistakes. let others do the same for themselves (or not). you'll hear a ton more of replies that would advice to tell everything, but ask yourself what would be your true motivaiton if you did... So, in your world Lies = Good, and Truth = Bad. That is a sad and pathetic place to live. FH, Don't date the guy. It will not end well, and it seems your starting to put together a happy life. Don't take the risk. Link to post Share on other sites
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