He Lied...He says that nothing happened and they are just friends

[Tessa]

Well, he lied to me. If any of you remember, back in mid August my b/f and I were having some problems. We did not see one another for about 2 weeks. I found out today that he went out with another girl, twice, to the movies during that time frame.

 

I want you to know that we were not broken up or even on a break. It was more along the lines of an arguement, on his part.

 

He says that nothing happened and they are just friends, but this is the same girl that we were having a problem with about 1 year ago. He has been keeping in touch with her all of this time and never told me. He told me that she has a b/f as well. "We are just friends, nothing happened". He went an picked her up at her house and went to the movies twice. I don't know about you, but where I come from, that is considered a date.

 

I did confront him and get this, he is mad at me for finding out. Typical. Once you get caught you try and turn the tables....

 

He said the reason he didn't tell me was because of how I would react. Well, what did he expect. He lied to me and I did not find out the truth from him. I found out another way.

 

My heart hurts soooo much right now...I hate to throw away a 2 1/2 year relationship, but if I can't trust him then what is the point.

 

He says that we will talk later....He said that if I want him to come get his stuff, he will. I said "Is that what you want, to end this"? "No, I don't". "Then why do you have so little respect for me and our relationship, that you feel the need to lie to me"?

 

It seems to me that men and women cannot be just friends. Normally, in the beginning, one likes the other and that's how things start. Sure later on you realize that you are better off being friends, but that never happens....Personally, I think this girl likes my b/f and thinks that something will eventually happen between the two of them if she just hangs around long enough....

 

I am not making an excuse for my b/f....but he did have girls at work that were just his friend....He would go the movies every now and again with them and his g/f at the time thought nothing of it. Sure I was his friend, but we never went to the movies. He thought that people would think something was going on, if "we" went out....So why are things sooo different now.

 

I am sooooo hurt and confused.....Help!

[bcgirl_29]

GIRL.......You deserve better, Tell him to hit the curb, If hes lying about little things......whats he gonna do when BIG things come up? Honesty is very important in a relationship....If you dont have the trust and dont feel you can get it back then maybe its time to move on......I know it will hurt at first alot....but time heals all wounds.....I've been there!

[jalexy]

dont let him lie again, i mean this was so wrong of him. i woudlnt trust a liar ever again, ive been lied to and trust me you dont want a liar.

[Tessa]

We are supposed to talk tonight...I know that I have to be strong and stand my ground, but I also don't want to be without him. However, I can't take him lying to me.

[jalexy]

you can find a dude who wont lie to you...

[Tessa]

Well, I just got home. We talked for over 3 hours. At first it was like a tennis match with no point in sight, just back and forth.

 

He states the reason he didn't tell me was becuase he didn't want to see me upset, hurt, flustered and so forth...In addition, he just wanted to avoid the whole confrontation. He says that he trust me. Well of course he does, I have no lied and have given him no reason not to trust me. I tell him everything...Why not...I am not doing anything wrong.

 

I kept on telling him the main reason I was so upset was the fact that he lied to me about her, again. This was not the first time. Sure last time I was furious. So much so, I didn't want him to have any communication with her at all. Friend or not, no communication. He said "OK"....There was the first lie...He keeps telling me they are just friends, nothing more. He said that since he started dating me he does not have any friends. Only her and there is nothing wrong with talking to his friend every now and again. Sure, I agree, but don't lie about it.

 

He said that because I am older I just don't understand wanting to spend time alone or hang out with friends. That pissed me off!!!! I do understand and I still talk and hang out with my friends. Mind you my friends are female. I have 2 guy friends, we talk, but never go out.

 

The bottom line is that I would not wanting anyone telling me whom I can and cannot see, so how can I tell him. It does come down to trust. I have to decide in my heart whether or not I can still trust him...

[Yeti]

whoa Tessa, don't jump the gun... there is a difference between lieing and not telling. now i have no clue how easily you get jealous, or what type of person your boyfriend is, but if you care about him... do you wanna kill a 2 and a half relationship on a hunch? I have many female friends of my own, that i hang out with quite often, some that could drive a female companion insane between looks and personality. i DO NOT have any intimate relations with any of the sort. i have a really close friend that some would probably break up with me for, just because of how we take walks together at night to talk about what has been going on. most women i see i don't tell about everyone of my friends until they actually meet them, mainly because i know how jealousy works... i get it too.

 

plus i enjoy having female friends, a lot of men do... its a lot easier to talk about emotional things, like you, with them.

 

so if she's only a friend to him, he shouldn't mind introducing you to her... if he has a problem with that... them can him.

 

laters...

- Yeti

[Tessa]

It has now been a couple of days since we talked and I have to say that I really don't feel any better. He is being really sweet and trying really hard, but do I believe it or don't I.

 

The doubts are starting to kick in...