Assuring No Attachment with FWBs

[Tryn2LookAhead]

Just after my divorce was final over two years ago, a friend set me up with a woman that was single for many years. We first talked online for about 2 weeks with a lot of flirting and sexually laced discussions. We met on an official first date and due to the prior discussions, we felt comfortable having sex.

 

Right off the bat, she emphasized that she wanted to keep this an FWB situation. She said it over and over almost every time we were together. It was almost a running joke. FRIENDS ONLY! This was ok with me because my head was still spinning from the divorce (which I asked for).

 

Well a couple weeks in, she sat me down to have a 'talk'. She explained that she had gotten significantly attached and wanted to 'take back' everything said about 'friends only' and immediately pursue to an exclusive long term romance with me. I was shocked, but said 'why not'. We had a very fulfilling two year romance. She feel deeply in love, but I was behind in that area. This lead to the end of the romance. Fast forward to a month ago. She dumped me because she felt she was more invested in the relationship than I was and was very very frustrated.

 

Shortly after the break up, while looking for a new LTR, another woman I knew started to flirt with me heavily. I reciprocated. The problem was, she was MUCH younger than me. So much so, I considered her out of the question for an LTR. She didn't want one anyway she told me. She just wanted to be my FWB while I dated and nothing more. She said she was sexually attracted to me for a long time and just wanted to sleep with me; nothing more. That worked for me because of her age.

 

So we agreed to an arrangement while I was dating and in search of an LTR. She warned me over and over not to get attached to her. I assured her I wouldn't...and I didn't. However, just three 'sessions' in (about 2 weeks), she begins to show signs of jealousy with my dating and calling me 'close-minded' for seeing the age difference being a problem. She finally admitted to my greatest fear that she had developed romantic feelings for me.

 

OK, while this was happening, one of my dates kind of worked out. She liked me a lot, but said after the date she just wanted to just be friends due to my baggage (young kids). In her ideal world, she wanted us to support each other platonically while we continue dating and looking for romance. I was a little disappointed, but ok fine. BTW, she was NOT aware of my FWB.

 

So we had another 'friend' date together. The next day she approaches me about upgrading our friendship to FWB status 'while we date in search of an LTR'. So now I have a decision to make because I don't want two FWBs. I'm thinking due to the feelings the young one is getting, maybe I just need to put and end to that and go with the new one that is my age and has potential to grow into something more.

 

So now I need to tell her that I found someone and our arrangement is now over (remember, I explained upfront this was going to happen...not 'if', but 'when'). After that, I will start an arrangement with the new FWB. That's where I am now. I haven't told the original FWB we are done yet.

 

Before I do; and the reason I'm writing this; is because I need help from you FWB veterans on how to make sure this new arrangement doesn't end up like the first two. I DON'T want her to get attached either. Not yet anyway. We both are talking about FWB-only...but I've heard this twice before with the others and within a few weeks, that all went out the window as they developed feelings.

 

So my question is....HOW HOW HOW can I prevent this from happening a third time? Is there something that needs to be done or said prior or during the arrangement to help both parties stick with their 'no attachement' declaration? Are there steps to take? Things to avoid? For all those with successful long-term FWBs, how did you keep the attachments in check. I seem to suck at it and need help. Thanks.

[casanovacorner]

You're crazy... lol... you're single, have fun. You have 2 girls that want to have sex with you, NSA sex at that. Have you seen some of the posts on here? Guys can't even talk to girls, let alone have sex with them. You have to do it for every guy out there that would kill to be you.

 

With that said, why end it? FWB is a great situation if you can find a girl that wants to keep it that way. Unless you plan to be with one that wants to be with you, you should keep doing what you're doing. You could break it off with one, and the other could find and LTR the next day, and you'll go from 2 women to 0 women all at once.

 

Think about it.

 

As for your problem with no feelings getting involved. There is no sure way to make sure it doesn't happen. Don't get too involved in their personal problems and you should be fine. The more they confide in you, the higher the chances they will catch feelings.

[kimba]

Women are biologically wired to develop feelings with the person they are having sex with.

 

You cannot change it. I think you are wasting your time

 

Thats why these women you are seeing say at the outset they are fine with it, but in a couple of weeks thats all out the window. they have the best intentions, but cannot control it.

 

You could go through 500000000000000000000000000 women and still encounter the same problem.

 

Its biology, and it involves a chemical that is released in a womans brain after sex. Men have it but at much much lower levels.

 

So dont blame the women. We cant help it! Google it.

[MichiganMan222]

Kimba, I certainly don't blame the women. On the contrary, I think I'm doing something wrong; or doing something I shouldn't be and that's why I'm asking. To be honest, I usually treat it no different than an LTR as far as affection and attention. Should I be cold and display no sentiment whatsoever? If so, well geesh, that kind of makes the sex not as fun. I don't go over the top and buy gifts or cards or have a lot of gushy contact outside the physical meetings, but when I'm with them, I'm very affectionate towards them and have fun talking and laughing outside of the sex.

 

casanovacorner, LMAO! I am definitely trying to have fun. In fact, I'm trying not to be so quick to convert to LTR right now. Mainly because in a way, I tend to attach to someone quickly too and this time I want to make sure she's right for me and I'm right for her. And honestly, I feel like its a fluke that these two want to have sex at the same time. I think women have some sort of widespread covert communication system with each other. Seems like there are either more than one interested or NONE. As an example. I have two ex's that I would consider working things out for another try. They are both with other guys. Whenever their relationships got rocky, they would call me and start talking to me about the idea of getting together if their relationships ended. It ALLLLWAYS seemed like this happened to both of them at the same time so I found myself deciding which one should I pursue...I would waffle over it so much they both ended up working things out as the same time LMAO!!!! I SWORE they were coordinating this and doing it on purpose haha.

 

Also, like I said before, I don't know FWB code....isn't it wrong to have multiple FWB's or is this not the case? I honestly don't know if that 'cheating' or not.

[casanovacorner]

casanovacorner, LMAO! I am definitely trying to have fun. In fact, I'm trying not to be so quick to convert to LTR right now. Mainly because in a way, I tend to attach to someone quickly too and this time I want to make sure she's right for me and I'm right for her. And honestly, I feel like its a fluke that these two want to have sex at the same time. I think women have some sort of widespread covert communication system with each other. Seems like there are either more than one interested or NONE. As an example. I have two ex's that I would consider working things out for another try. They are both with other guys. Whenever their relationships got rocky, they would call me and start talking to me about the idea of getting together if their relationships ended. It ALLLLWAYS seemed like this happened to both of them at the same time so I found myself deciding which one should I pursue...I would waffle over it so much they both ended up working things out as the same time LMAO!!!! I SWORE they were coordinating this and doing it on purpose haha.

 

I swear me and my friend have been saying that since high school. There has to be a website somewhere that us guys don't know about. lol.

 

Also, like I said before, I don't know FWB code....isn't it wrong to have multiple FWB's or is this not the case? I honestly don't know if that 'cheating' or not.

 

There is no FWB code. Its not wrong to have more than 1 FWB. Friends shouldn't get mad when you have other friends, regardless of the arrangement you have with your other friends. The point is that you are not in a relationship, so its not possible to cheat on a friend.