She said she would be ready to give things another try soon, but changed her mind

[eli]

A little background. My ex and I broke up a month ago, because basically she thought we were going to get engaged over the summer. She picked out a ring, and I bought it at the beginning of the summer, so it was understood that in time we would get engaged. As the summer went on and I didn't pop the question, her resentment to me continued to grow. One weekend I went out of town to visit and friend, and called her right before we were going out, and only talked to her for a couple of minutes. When I returned I could tell that she was upset with me, and she ambushed me. My making this call when I knew I was getting ready to go out was the icing on the cake. She felt that I did not love her anymore, and she felt unloved. She said she was unhappy and wanted a break.

 

Over the last month I tried everything I could (flowers, letters, gestures) to show her how much I loved her and wanted her. Her response was that she didn't feel that I was sincere, and that I was trying to be someone I wasn't. Last weekend she called me several times, in which I did not pick up. The last time I had seen her was last Monday. When we saw each other last Monday, she said she would be ready to give things another try soon.

 

Last night when I told her I missed her I asked if she missed me. She looked me right in the eye and without any emotion said no. She said she thought about our relationship, and that the bad things outweighed the good things. I told her that we could work through this, but she said she didn't want to. She felt that it was to late.

 

In retrospect, I feel that she never had any intention of ever getting back together, and that she put me through this hell the past month for sheer pleasure. I am crushed and in disbelief that someone I thought I loved could treat me this way.

[quankanne]

SHE decided it was time to be engaged; SHE picked out the ring for which you paid; SHE got pissed off when you didn't propose quickly enough, even though you say " it was understood that in time we would get engaged."

 

Sounds to me that you guys have little or no communication going on, regarding the question of marriage and engagement, but that both of you assumed a certain situation was going to occur within a given time frame.

 

You need to sit down and talk with this girl and you both need to figure out where you're headed, relationship-wise. If you feel a need for more time before popping the question, tell her. And you need to know why she expects an immediate proposal. Is she bossy or likes to be the one in charge of your relationship? Does she feel pressured about being the only one in her circle of friends or family not yet married and is looking at some kind of deadline? What? Why is she acting this way?

 

A thought: she might be acting cold toward you to hurt you the way she feels you have hurt her. Do you really need games in lieu of good, honest communication from someone? Maybe you're better off without a person like this.

[eli]

I agree about the communication issue. She made a lot of assumptions about my actions and non-actions without asking me. Last night after she told me she didn't miss me, I asked where that left us. She responded by saying not together. So in her mind it seems that our relationship is not worth salvaging. She did not come out and say, but I'm sure that she felt pressure to get engaged by family, and the fact that most of her friends are. She also said that the only reason she missed me last weekend is because I was originally supposed to go to the beach with her. Her statements last night really hurt, and I'm not sure if she was saying things to make me hurt or those were her true feelings.