northstar1 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 I stayed strong, I have not texted/called nothing............and neither has she, she is still in NZ but will fly home tomorrow. I guess I can just wait, what if she calls should I ignore her? She will have had a week away from work/stress time with her old friends and family, I am hoping she would have had some time to reflect on whats happened, tomorrow it will be approx 11 days since NC began...........should i just bide my time and wait? As hard as it is, you do nothing. You showed you cared in your last meeting, now leave it. Let her have some time without you in her life, not contacting her, living your life. Let her reach out to you, if/when she's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
UnamedSeven Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 yeah, i agree with northstar. This whole thing is hurting all over, i imagine, but its just something you will have to bear with until she contacts you. At which point, you may have to tell her that everything is over. Just, don't go back on your word, either. I barely remember your situation, even though i have replied a few times, but i read your most recent post on this page about her going to NZ. Is it that you don't want to contact her, because you want this to be a very final, good bye? or, is it that you don't want to have a relationship, of any sort, with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkFlame1979 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Share Posted December 10, 2008 I would love to start again with her, although she has some issues that she must deal with, i think we had something special, which because of work and other commitments we lost sight of, but I am also ready to finalise things if she doesnt want to try again,(she still has to get her things as Istill have her furniture) which ideally i want her to take ASAP it just has not been convenient for her with her travellling etc. As northstart said above i guess ill just wait for her call and i guess answer it and not ignore her, but isnt that the whole point of no contact though? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I would love to start again with her, although she has some issues that she must deal with, i think we had something special, which because of work and other commitments we lost sight of, but I am also ready to finalise things if she doesnt want to try again,(she still has to get her things as Istill have her furniture) which ideally i want her to take ASAP it just has not been convenient for her with her travellling etc. As northstart said above i guess ill just wait for her call and i guess answer it and not ignore her, but isnt that the whole point of no contact though? Well right now you need to look out for yourself. You have to think about if she calls you, how will that impact you? If she is calling just to chat and be 'friends', then no, you should not good with that. Trust me, that's not a road you want to be on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkFlame1979 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Share Posted December 10, 2008 I would truly love for her to recognise that we could have gotten through this together, she made her decision and i am stupidly hoping that she will see the error of her ways, perhaps she wont, but I have just started seeing another person albeit long distance at this stage but i am realising that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that there is hope for new beginnings! Although if she wanted to work things out I would indulge her..........but I am not holding my breath!! I will NOT go down the friends path, its just too tough, i am not willing to put myself through that! Link to post Share on other sites
UnamedSeven Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I see. I think i mentioned this before, its that, you don't want to have a friendship with her, because you will never get over her(?) Thats what i did/doing. All it takes is just a little realization to make it all the way through..... I should really follow my own advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkFlame1979 Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 No contact since 30/11 going strong now, Although I still think of her everyday, it is getting easier, Honestly if she was to crawl back I would NOT take her back. Even after going through all of this I have realised that she was not the one for me!!!! My thought and question of the day is: Are all people doomed to do the same things over and over??? I say this because before I met my EX she was in a lot of debt, creditors after her, didnt have a car or anything, no furniture basically nothing to bring to the relationship(possessions wise). This didnt really bother me as I already had everything, car furniture (i am 5 years older and like to think a little wiser) The reason for the back story she said something strange during the breakup speech, that she wanted to get happy again and not have to worry about bills, stress,feeling trapped etc etc. The stupid thing is that the bills are if anything worse for her (now)than when we were combining our earnings and hitting both our bills head on. She is one of these birds that would setup periodical payments to her creditors to come out on a Thursday(get paid on Wed and take out all her money out) and subsequently incur dishonour fees on her account, just so she can go out and "party" and live life. The reason I say this is before I met her she was doing the EXACTLY the same thing, as her mail used to come to work and she used to show me the letters from the creditors. This is three years ago (we were friends first before hooking up) I beleive that some people are beyond help and for all my guidance and support in trying to get her to confront the issues and work towards getting debt free obviously fell on deaf ears. (the other back story to this is she has a gambling addiction which I guess I never confronted and didnt realise how much of an issue this become for her) I believe at the end of the day that people can change if and when they make a conscious decision to do so, and all the pining and wanting people to sometimes "do the right thing if not for their own sanity and wellbeing" and wanting them to recognise that there is an issue that needs dealing with. Perhaps its a cynical view on my situation but as they say "to see your future you must look into your past.............. On a side note I still have all her stuff and I am throwing up the idea of giving her until the 15th of January to pick her stuff up or I am going to ring up a charity and give it away, I think that will put a rocket up her to get her into gear! Link to post Share on other sites
againstallodds Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Darkflame, I was with my ex for 1 1/2 year. My ex didn't bring anything into the relationship neither. I got a car, my own condo and a pretty decent job. I paid for everything since she makes half of what I am making (is it fair or not asking her to share?). I had to pick her up from work everyday and on weekend drive her to work and pick her up too. It takes two to tango. I invested more in the relationship than her and we had arguments alot too because of this. I realize that this relationship is all about me doing thing for her and I got nothing in return. At the end, she left and there was nothing I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkFlame1979 Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 For some reason I believe that one always brings more into the relationship than the other, and the one with less ends up taking YOU for granted in the process. I think they believe that its "all too easy" and don't value what they have. Although she had the car (my car) all the time she resented droping me off on the way to and from work/home and having to leave a bit earlier in the mornings. I think in the end she resented the fact "I" needed the car too and because of my stupid working hours and conditions "I" never had the "freedom" to just get in the car and do stuff. She used to work in hospitality (days and nights) so if she was doing a close I would have to walk home and have no access to transport for that evening..............all im saying is that she had all the opportunities and tools do do her job and freeedom to travel/get stuff done and throws it back in your face that she felt trapped....if anything it was "ME" who felt trapped. When I wanted the car to do something I would even offer her some cash so she could get a taxi, but she "didnt want to wait" impatient bitch, I am better off without her and she will continue going through life with nothing, stealing, and using her way up the food chain(she hopes) Life isnt all smiles and sunshine and she thinks that lifes all too easy and you dont have to work for things, good looks will get you where you want, but looks fade and guys get whats going on in the end, they will see the charade before them and show her the door. Good luck to her I guess! Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Darkflame, I was with my ex for 1 1/2 year. My ex didn't bring anything into the relationship neither. I got a car, my own condo and a pretty decent job. I paid for everything since she makes half of what I am making (is it fair or not asking her to share?). I had to pick her up from work everyday and on weekend drive her to work and pick her up too. It takes two to tango. I invested more in the relationship than her and we had arguments alot too because of this. I realize that this relationship is all about me doing thing for her and I got nothing in return. At the end, she left and there was nothing I can do. Did everything for my ex, basically taught her english, helped her get into university, paid all the bills while she was studying etc., still cheated n dumped me. Looking back I was a idiot and should have said get a job or whatever but shrugs cant change the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkFlame1979 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 I heard a quote once "the only thing you get from looking back is a sore neck" There's some wisdom in those words me thinks! Link to post Share on other sites
againstallodds Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Darkflame, I think you should be thankful that she left. My ex was young and hot too but you know what it's not worth it. It take two to tango. Think about it, what happen if you marry her and have kids, you will be worse off than now, think about the child support payment and all that crap. Trust me you are better off without her unless you just want to play the field then that's a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
UnamedSeven Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I heard a quote once "the only thing you get from looking back is a sore neck" There's some wisdom in those words me thinks! haha yeah. Ain't that the truth. Hmm well, it was good that you set her and yourself a deadline before you throw her stuff out. There isn't much left to be done... i mean, all that can be done, you basically did. I'm not someone who bounces back easily. I actually just lost my two, and only, closest friends today (what a great Christmas present). The only thing thats left in the 'sane' part of my mind, is the thought that i can live on without them. Both of them meant/mean a lot to me, now they're gone. Focus on life without her and make room for a newcomer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkFlame1979 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 UnamedSeven, I am sorry to hear about your friends! Dont get me wrong I dont bounce back quickly either, I am still raw about the situation and still very hurt, but at least I now recognise that she saw me as a meal ticket. Its taken me a while to reflect on that, I am more angry at myself for allowing it to happen and feel stupid for the things I did during the initial breakup. SHE left ME and I was willing to do anything to remedy that........I feel so stupid but emotion clouds your reason and you see only the good parts of the relationship. Time really is the factor here, I still think of her constantly before I go to sleep and when I wake up, but it is getting easier. She has just changed her profile to single took her long enough, I changed it immediately after she bailed, I should not check her stuff anymore nothing good can come of it(its hard to let go compeltely i guess), I will live life on my own for three months, no women just focus on the future. She has made no attempt to contact me and ill send her a txt mesage on the 1st of Jan telling her to get her things organised! Link to post Share on other sites
UnamedSeven Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Good plan. I guess, time heals everything, but in different ways.. Ya know? I mean, it was only this past summer that my ex broke it off. As sad as i am to say it, the only way i got over it, was because i forgot everything between us. To the point where i completely forgot what she looked like and i ONLY remembered how she lied to me; in order for her to leave. Thats the only thing that i will remember about her. Which is all the proff that i needed in order for me to live on. yeah, i suggest trying to not be tempted to look at her profile. Thats where everyone tends to unleash their pain and, believe me, it hurts. Merry Christmas if you celebrate too. Link to post Share on other sites
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