Am I too nice or cute?

[aleniderei]

This is gonna be a long post, but I feel all info is relevant. Thanx for the input!!!!!

 

Tonight I worked with like six females. The only guys were me and one other dude. So, anyway..the girls seem to always pick on me. For example, we had a little meeting about cleaning up messes or something, and the one said my name accusingly (not that it was really me causing messes). They had a laugh at my expense...I just sorta smiled and threw up my hands in a "woah...hey" kind of way. My (female) boss said "it's just so easy to blame him".

 

Later I got stuck having to put together some cabinet for a retail display. All the girls were picking on me saying I was too slow, etc. I just smiled and played it off, pretended like i was "sobbing" and said "u guys are mean, i'm gonna go home and cry" (obviously joking). The one girl was like "It's just so easy to pick on him, I think it's cuz he's such a nice guy".

 

Now, I guess the reason I'm feeling a little insecure is the whole dreaded "nice guy" comment. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dork who's afraid of girls or anything. I tend to be a playful goofball naturally, and I guess it could be seen as flirting sometimes (but i'm not like overbearing or anything). Sometimes, I just go about my work day very reserved and I'll still get picked on.

 

So what is the dynamic here?

 

-Are they flirting with me?

-Are they just messing with me because I'm the only guy? Then why don't they pick on my other male coworker like that?

-Am I too nice?? Do they think I'm "cute". Cute as in, "aw you're fun to pick on but thats it"

 

note: I've been told I'm attractive. Probably not quite Hot with a capital T but still a good lookin guy if I must say so myself. I'm actually tall, dark-skinned, and handsome-ish.

 

 

another note: I'm the baby of my family and I've always sorta been picked on and typecast as the clown.

 

I admire my brother. He's always just extremely laid back and cool. It seems like he gets more respect (sort of speak) in the family. He's also "hot", so I guess that works for him with the ladies.

 

I've even tried acting cool and reserved when I first meet people, but somehow it's like they know, and eventually they just start picking on me.

 

Any input you have would be greatly appreciated. Like I said, I'm used to being the goofball, It's not like killing me or anything to be seen in that light... BUT... I don't want to be that forever if it means girls are only gonna look at me and say "aw he's adorable...now where are the REAL men at!!!".

[Geishawhelk]

Your responses are inviting this treatment.

if you want to change the way people treat you, change what you do.

[aleniderei]

I see what you're saying, but what am I supposed to do? I think laughing it off is better than causing a scene and seeming uptight.

 

I think I should clarify..it's not like they tease me alll the time and it's getting in the way of work. I'm just asking, when they do tease me are they flirting or are they just poking fun at the clown.

[Geishawhelk]

You have to be honest and react with your gut feeling at the time.

 

If someone says something that makes you laugh, because actually, you DO think it's funny - then you laugh.

 

But if someone says something you find a bit sharp/offensive/uncalled for/inappropriate/NOt funny - why do you feel it's right to cover that up?

In a way, that's being dishonest.

With them, and with yourself.

If you keep masking how you feel, then people are going to think that's the real you.

I know about this.

I've done this.

In the end, it doesn't make you "Mr. Nice Guy".

It makes you "Mr. Doormat".

 

You don't have to be rude about it, or insulting.

Sometimes it's ok to just say something like -

".....Isn't it odd how what some people find hurtful, others find amusing?"

 

They'll get the message.

 

But don't clam up.

You'll get the reputation of being 'nice', 'shy', 'quiet', 'not into girls' and - boring.

 

Alone, in other words.

 

Speak up! You have nothing to lose but your false persona!!

[lazlow99]

Yeah, I can relate to that. Where I used to work my co workers would jokingly pick on me, and I mean I was friends with them and all and it was nothing major, but they'd be like ''oh, I can't imagine you being angry'' or ''your not intimidating at all'' and yeah, one girl said to me ''your too nice.'' Thing is its not true. I'm just laid back, and confident in myself. I guess I am pretty reserved, some days I just wanted to work and not mess around to pass the time, and if you're quiet people are on you like flies on sh*t.

 

Thing is though this only happened at work, with my friends I'm sort of the cool laid back one.

 

My co workers, a lot of the male ones acted like they always had something to prove and were always talking about themselves, and I'm not like that at all.

 

As for being ''cute'' looking I think its a double edged sword. The last girl I was with said she thought I was gay, and I've had that a couple of times with girls. I'm not camp or anything, she said I just had a 'gay face' whatever that is. Other girls say I'm cute etc... don't really know if its a good or bad thing.

[aleniderei]

Yeah, I can relate to that. Where I used to work my co workers would jokingly pick on me, and I mean I was friends with them and all and it was nothing major, but they'd be like ''oh, I can't imagine you being angry'' or ''your not intimidating at all'' and yeah, one girl said to me ''your too nice.'' Thing is its not true. I'm just laid back, and confident in myself. I guess I am pretty reserved, some days I just wanted to work and not mess around to pass the time, and if you're quiet people are on you like flies on sh*t.

 

Thing is though this only happened at work, with my friends I'm sort of the cool laid back one.

 

My co workers, a lot of the male ones acted like they always had something to prove and were always talking about themselves, and I'm not like that at all.

 

As for being ''cute'' looking I think its a double edged sword. The last girl I was with said she thought I was gay, and I've had that a couple of times with girls. I'm not camp or anything, she said I just had a 'gay face' whatever that is. Other girls say I'm cute etc... don't really know if its a good or bad thing.

 

Well I think she could've thought of something better to say than "gay face", lol. Maybe "babyface" would've been better. I wouldn't worry about it though, gay guys are notoriously better looking than us straight slobs.

 

As far as the double edged sword that comes with being "cute", I think I agree..to an extent. It's' no so bad if you think about it... You're either hot or cute or nice. You just have to be good looking to be hot. To be cute you've gotta be at least average i guess and have SoMetHIN good going with your personality. If you're "nice"... I guess girls see you as well-intentioned but dorky/boring/too-easy-to-figure-out, and they'd never consider you for a date.

 

The latter is what I was worried about. But I think I just let them get into my head too easy. They sorta ganged up on me last night cuz there were so many of them. It sorta felt like big sister and her friends picking on baby brother. But then I thought back to all the times I've flirted and picked on them individually and the times they flirted and picked on me individually and I didn't feel weird then.

 

So yeah, I think I'm good. A room full of women can demasculate you pretty quick..I guess is the lesson learned??

[LittleDove]

Hmmm,

as usual geishwelk is right on it..

Its the way you handle this 'teasing' .... you invite more of it. An easy target who plays right into the tease....

 

Play sobbing? seems you LOVE it- the attention...

 

Im guessing you are easy to pick on and get a reaction. Is it 'your thing'?? because you are the 'baby' of the family??

 

I dont think people 'pick' on others who are confident, most guys would either ignore most of it, or go very quiet.

 

Not calling anyone anything here, but it is a kind of whimpy reaction letting all the girls pick on you and pretend sobbing... i have to say, id pick a guy who cops being picked on like that as gay.....

 

maybe thats what theyre thinking??

 

*sorry for repeating myself, but 'pretned sobbing'????lol

[OneTwo]

I think it is your personality more than your looks that is edging you into the "cute" zone.

 

Next time they tease you, try to thow in a bit of confident arrogance - not so much that you come off like a pompus-ass, but just enough to show that you can man-up when needed. Maybe through a double meaning in with your answer.

 

When they teased you about being slow at putting together the cabinet, you could have answered them completely strait-faced with something like, "I maybe slow, but I can go all night at this pace." If that is too much for a work environment, then maybe something along the lines of, "So you like quick?" with a little smirk.

 

I've always done very well as the only guy in a group of women. Women have always labled me as "hot". But I dont' look much better than anyone else. It seems to be just a positive attitude that does it. I am not condoning being cocky all the time, but a little bit of confidence goes a long way.

 

Best of luck.