How could this happen? I'm scared and freaking out! What do I do???

[EMBeee]

Ok so, I just got back from visiting my LD bf from November 13 to November 21... I am on Birth control Pills and so I am supposed to be getting my period NOW! I have taken them like I should right?!? Well, i thought that I was feeling a little "weird" well, my period never came and so for craps and giggles I decided I would take a Pregnancy test (I get them free at work since i work in a lab)... I thought there would be NO WAY of being pregnant because I am on oral contraceptive... but low and behold there was a very very faint positive!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! What do I do???? I am scared and freaking out! I am 27 and my bf and I already have 2 kids from our previous relationships and I have been on the pill for 6 years! 6 YEARS!!! And this has never happened before!!! I thought for sure I was protected!!!!!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!! How could this happen? What am I to do now that we are 1,200 miles apart from one another? I love him so much but I wasn't ready for this... how, after 6 years, does the pill decide not to work for me anymore????? Maybe it's fate? Damn, how do I tell him? What if he freaks out and NEVER wants to talk to me or see me anymore?? We've known each other 18 years but have been involved for only 1 year. OMG I am torn I don't know what to do... I should sue the ortho-tricyclen company, I had just switched back to this pill in June but had been on "the pill" for 6 full years! In the earlier part of our relationship we did talk about kids. He said he would like to have kids with me. He said if it happens it happens, but he knows that right now he can't afford another child... I start school again in January to acheive my bachelor's... so how could this happen?

 

Has anyone else got pregnant while on birth control??? Am I the only one?? What can I do?

[girlsweetness]

Hi,

 

Well birth control pills don't always protect 100% against pregnancy, its usually advised to use it along with other protection such as condoms. People usually just think that the prospect of becoming pregnant while on birth control is so low that they don't often bother with other protection. Other protection is always good anyways to help protect against STD's etc.

 

If he walks away because you say your pregnant than he is probably NOT the guy you want to be with anyways. A guy who really cares will say that they will support you in you. You should probably reflect and see what decision you should make as to the future. There are pregnancy centers in every major city where you can speak to a counselor and explore all options and get that personal support you may need.

[Maggs]

Well it is possible that you are!

 

Do you use condoms every time along with the pill?

 

Were you on antibiotics in the last month? I always thought when you were on antibiotics that it just affected the pill those few days you're on it. Turns out if you read the fine print--if continues to reduce your pill's effectiveness for the remainder of the month, until you start your next pack.

 

Had you been sick at all the time you were there? I've heard that if you have vomiting or diarrhea that it's possible for the pill not to be in your body long enough to work for that day.

 

And as with previous poster--if he runs, he's not the man for you! Go see a dr. and get confirmed for sure. Before you really start to worry.

[EMBeee]

Hello, I don't think he'll run... though that's just a fear of mine. He's really good with kids... his own and mine. When he came to visit me in October, I was feeling a little queasy but I took numerous tests that confirmed I WAS NOT pregnant and then got my period. But NOW, since I've visited him in November, I wasn't feeling sick but when I came back home I just didn't feel "right" like I felt like I was getting my period but it never came, just really really light spotting. And so I thought for the heck of it that I should do a pregnancy test and 2 out of 2 showed a very very faint positive.

 

I was NOT on any anti biotics, but I had just loose stools when I went to visit him, not bad enough that it was runny... just loose. I don't think that had any part in the effectiveness of the pills. I'm just scared, confused, dumbfounded as to how this could've happened. I know it happens to women all the time, but I have been on these things for 6 years and NEVER had any issues like this!!! I am so nervous to tell him, I don't know how to tell him, if I should wait a little while, maybe there could be a miscarriage (I know it sounds awful but I'm weighing my possiblities here). I don't believe in abortion because I feel everything in life happens for a reason and there must be a reason the lord gave my a fetus when I was on contraceptives!

 

I'm just in shock I guess... what am I to do now? Move there? He move here? What about our children we have already? What do I tell my parents? What do I tell my co-workers? What do I tell anyone? I know I shouldn't have to care what anyone thinks of me for this is my life... but I am just shocked!!!!!! I was NOT expecting this to happen quite yet

[norajane]

I'm just in shock I guess... what am I to do now? Move there? He move here? What about our children we have already? What do I tell my parents? What do I tell my co-workers? What do I tell anyone? I know I shouldn't have to care what anyone thinks of me for this is my life... but I am just shocked!!!!!!

Go to a doctor and have them do tests to confirm whether you are pregnant or not. THEN you and your bf can decide what to do about the pregnancy. Until you know for sure, this is just panic.

 

And I don't understand what you mean "what about our children we have already?" You'll still have them! They'll just have another half-brother or sister if you decide to have this one.

[Trialbyfire]

Go get another pregnancy test. Wait a couple of days or so, then take it again. If it's only faintly positive, it could be a false positive.

[EMBeee]

Well, I took 3 of them yesterday and they all read a faint positive. So, i will wait just another day or 2 to take another and then see what that one says. It could be just a "chemical" pregnancy... who knows... but I do know that I'm starting to feel queasy and such, just as I did with my other 2 kids. All I know is if I am pregnant that one of us has to make a move, either me to there or him to here. I know that we'll have a beautiful child. I just don't know how to tell him, "Hey sweatheart, you know how I'm on the pill and took it religiously? Well guess what? I got pregnant anyway! I guess we should have used a condom on top of spermicide whilst on the pill as well... isn't that how making love should be?"

 

I guess I am still just shocked. I am gonna go to the doctor tomorrow and then I'll have to tell him the news. I wanted to tell him last night but we were having such a wonderful conversation because he was in a great mood and I didn't want to just blurt it out.

[EMBeee]

Well, I told him a few days ago that I'm expecting. He was shocked as I am. He is very depressed though and has so much to deal with. His ex is deciding to take his kids away by moving 3 hours away. He's depressed about that and has every right to be. He's also depressed because wants to be here for me during this and doesn't know how. He and I are so against abortion but I feel like right now that's my only option. I don't know what to do. This happened so unexpectedly. I can't even afford an abortion... I'm about 5 weeks tomorrow LMP... and I can take the abortion pill up to 9 weeks, but he and I are against it. But like I said I don't know what to do!!!! I tried ot protect myself and it backfired and now I am alone with my two kids and one on the way if it goes full term. I feel trapped, alone, sad, depressed, dumfounded... and i feel as though I have to go through with this all alone. He doesn't know how he can come here, I don't know how I can go there... my insurance won't cover that far away... I hate the way life throws us curve balls! Has anyone ever been in this type of situation or know anyone who has been??? Please advice is welcomed!!

[TMichaels]

Well, I told him a few days ago that I'm expecting. He was shocked as I am. He is very depressed though and has so much to deal with. His ex is deciding to take his kids away by moving 3 hours away. He's depressed about that and has every right to be.

 

Not to mention the fact she isn't really his "ex." Unless, in the past six months they have gotten divorced. Has he?

 

He's also depressed because wants to be here for me during this and doesn't know how. He and I are so against abortion but I feel like right now that's my only option. I don't know what to do. This happened so unexpectedly. I can't even afford an abortion... I'm about 5 weeks tomorrow LMP... and I can take the abortion pill up to 9 weeks, but he and I are against it. But like I said I don't know what to do!!!! I tried ot protect myself and it backfired and now I am alone with my two kids and one on the way if it goes full term.

 

You were "alone" with your children before, EmBeee. This guy is not their father, and legally cannot be unless: A) He gets divorced from his current wife; B) You two get married; C) He adopts your two out-of-wedlock children from your previous relationship.

 

I feel trapped, alone, sad, depressed, dumfounded... and i feel as though I have to go through with this all alone. He doesn't know how he can come here, I don't know how I can go there... my insurance won't cover that far away... I hate the way life throws us curve balls!

 

That's life, EmBeee. It rarely goes the way you've planned. You knew to a certain extent "you were playing with fire" with this relationship all along given all the complications on both sides.

 

What do you hope will come from the situation in which you now find yourself? That you will be a single mom of three young children with no college education still living at home with your parents? That the pregnancy will push your b/f to get his own act together and prove once and for all that he has "chosen you" over his "ex?"

 

Leave a "Prince Charming" out of the equation for once. What should EmBeee do to get her life on track not only for herself but to raise two young daughters who are learning life lessons watching how mom deals with the curve balls she's thrown?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[EMBeee]

No. 1 - yes... he has gotten a divorce, thanks for your concern!

 

No. 2 - I am college educated and going back in January to get my Bachelor's - thank you for your concern again!

 

No. 3 - I have gotten my own place and no longer living with my mother and father, lived with them for a few months and once my house got taken care of and all my other finances set straight... I went and got myself a condo, once again... thank you for your concern.

 

Lots of things can happen in just a short amount of time right?!?

 

As for you, maybe you're feeling just a little up tight because you can't have children of your own.... ????

[TMichaels]

No. 1 - yes... he has gotten a divorce, thanks for your concern!

 

No. 2 - I am college educated and going back in January to get my Bachelor's - thank you for your concern again!

 

No. 3 - I have gotten my own place and no longer living with my mother and father, lived with them for a few months and once my house got taken care of and all my other finances set straight... I went and got myself a condo, once again... thank you for your concern.

 

Lots of things can happen in just a short amount of time right?!?

 

Yes, they can. Glad to hear you were able to get so many important issues sorted in such short order. However, my advice to you still stands.

 

As for you, maybe you're feeling just a little up tight because you can't have children of your own.... ????

 

LOL... Not uptight at all about my children or yours. But, it's one thing when people are footloose and fancy-free and the consequences of their actions affect only themselves, and quite another when children are involved. IIRC, you and your b/f already have five other young children between you, not to mention all the custody, visitation and support issues that come with.

 

You yourself said "I was not expecting this to happen quite yet." He said "if it happens it happens, but he knows that right now he can't afford another child... "

 

Though scores of couples have been in your shoes, expediting a relationship that neither person is ready or able to embrace without reservation isn't the greatest game plan for partnership longevity or parenting success.

 

But, it's your life -- or more accurately, your children's lives that is the most important thing here. Partners may come and go, but as a parent, your children's welfare, stability, security and happiness should be your first priority, regardless of what difficult choices you must make.

 

Best of luck to you,

TMichaels

[Lucky_One]

I thought you were moving to where he was for the beginning of the 2008 school year? Why can't you move now, as compared to moving then?

 

You need to check with your health insurance company; even if you go beyond your company's coverage area, you should be able to get a new plan in the new state with no lapse in coverage (and maternity is not a pre-existing condition by law). That just sounds weird; you need to do some research here.

 

Honestly, there seems as though there is nothing holding you back from moving. You don't own a home, you aren't in school, you have the legal freedom to take your other children from their father.

 

So why the angst on moving to where he is? Is he still involved with that married girl; is that an issue?