Am i clueless..update! Wow! From tonight

[Lizzie60]

She knows my name...she is also VERY IT savvy...

 

Then .. start all over again with a new name. She probably won't leave you alone.. so you'll have to find a way so that she won't find you.

[SierraRose]

Did I mention MM and W live 1,500 miles away from me? The A is impossible to continue. FYI...the extent of the A consisted of 2 weekends while he came back East. Beyond that is was just phone calls and emails. I haven't seen him since the summer, and NC for 2 1/2 months.

[Trimmer]

I never said I was being cyber-stalked...yes, she is continually checking up on me as she admitted. I do not post my inner most thoughts on my space either...as W said in the email...she is seeing what I am up to...

 

I was responding to comments such as these (not from you), which seem out of proportion with what you have reported she is doing:

...if the law in your country allows, you can have her charged with cyberstalking, in which case she faces arrest, trial and the possibility of a criminal record if she persists.

 

She needs to grow up and act within civilised norms, and the law.

 

I'd have laid charges.

 

---------------------------------------------

 

I have a blog page and yes it is public

What she did is post nasty comments on my page...I took care of that too...

Things have been quiet, this was a shock to me because there has been NC...

So in summary, she posted some nasty comments, which you were able to edit out, and since then, it's been quiet... Good to hear. Maybe the rough stuff is over then.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Ummm....NOT TRUE, my friend..If you read my orginal post, her H and were friends years ago....HE FOUND ME ON THE INTERNET AND RE ENTERED MY LIFE, WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH MY B/F....Read and do your homework before you make a nasty, ignorant post!

 

Wow, then I guess you better get off the internet before you fall on any other old married friends' penises.

[SierraRose]

Wow, then I guess you better get off the internet before you fall on any other old married friends' penises.

 

Loneyandfrustrated....you should add bitter to you handle....My guess is, you a scorned S...This forum is for OW...support, suggestions, CONSTRUCTIVE critism...if you are going to be obnoxious and bash, go elsewhere...

[jwi71]

Thank you everyone for your input. It is much appreciated!

 

Now, get this.... my MM W is nuts....I have had NC for 2 1/2 months.

 

I have a blog page about my thoughts on life....I also have a Myspace...Apparently his W checks up on me...Out of the blue...she left a nasty comment on my blog page (good thing I was still awake and got the email!) Calling me all sorts of names... I don't have that many friends on My Space, but someone has been all over my page! (there is a visitor counter) I wonder who?

 

I see that she is obsessed with me. I guess counciling isn't working? WTF?

 

I skimmed your first thread and cannot now remember if you had sex with him before or after you knew he was married. I believe before. So you must certainly created the situation as I doubt his W would leave messages w/o you having sex with her H. So you do own half the responsibility. This "out of the blue" comment you made is simply not true. It is not "out of the blue" - you created this.

 

As far as what she has done - juvenile. Stupid. Pointless. Angry. Harmless.

 

So freakin' what. She called you some bad names? Come one..read your original post and your responses - way out of proportion to what actually happened.

 

Delete the messages and go NC. Resist the urge to fire back nasty emails - now you are being juvenile. I swear you are both acting like children calling each other names and crying to mommy afterwords.

 

Let it drop. Move on and forget about it.

[whichwayisup]

HE FOUND ME ON THE INTERNET AND RE ENTERED MY LIFE, WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH MY B/F....

 

And then what happened? You chose to go back to him and cheated on your boyfriend? Sorry, I'm not following the timeline here, or is this when the A started?

[SierraRose]

And then what happened? You chose to go back to him and cheated on your boyfriend? Sorry, I'm not following the time line here, or is this when the A started?

 

I am sad to say my live in b/f was abusive. There was a final incident that allowed me to have him removed from our home. I had never cheated on him, or any other b/f for that matter-nor have I ever been involved with a MM.

 

My MM contacted me on line, then it went to phone. At the time, yes I was still living with my b/f. We spent most of the time filling in each other on our lives.

 

He knew of the situation with my then b/f and was always there when I needed an ear, or just to cry. He was very supportive and proud of me for finally getting myself out of a bad situation.

 

He confessed to me how miserable he was in his marriage. His W had 2 A's years ago and he never got over that. He said his W gradually became nastier over the years and had major mood swings. His friends evened questioned why he continued the M, but he did. At the time he was living in FL, his W was PG w/ 2nd child and they were in the process of moving to WI in time for her to give birth and to be near her family. He felt horrible that another child was being brought into a bad situation. I did nothing but encourage him to do positive things to help his marriage (counseling, date nights, hire a mother's helper). Once they were settled in their new home, he confessed to me he knew it was "over." At this point we were in contact for almost a year and still hadn't seen each other.

 

After the birth, and months thereafter, his situation became worse. I thought maybe PPD. W was very depressed, mood swings worsened and complained about everything and nothing H could do was right. Family began to think she was mentally ill, possibly bi-polar. What I am told is W would scream at him one day, nasty, go to bed mad... The next morning a breakfast for a King, like nothing ever happened. IDK, I not a Dr.

 

He finally came back East to visit and that's when A began. It consisted of 2 weekends over the summer. Other than that it was phone, text, email. He confessed he was in love with me years ago, yet never said anything in fear of loosing the friendship. He said I was the woman he should had married. He was still in love with me all these years later.

 

About a month after our last meeting, he comes home from a business trip, sits his W down and tells her everything. (That's when she hit him to the point of breaking her wrist.) As far as I know, he and W went to counseling asap. He wanted her to understand the M was over many years ago, not b/c of anyone else but them. It was irrevocably broken b/c of the years of resentment of her As and the way she treated him and his family. That was the last I heard from him.

 

NC has been close to 3 months, and out of no where I get slammed by his W. Child-like as it is, I reacted--stupid. The following day W step sister, emails me. She basically said if anything else comes my way from her to ignore it if all possible. She said email her and she will do her best to handle things. Now, she is very close to MM, more friend then family. MM has confided in her about me..everything.. She told me her family has been trying to get her to focus on her M and kids, with no avail. Apparently, mentally she is getting worse (and yes, she is on meds).

 

Step sister left off by teling me to let nature take it's course... Let's MM do what he has to do; he found me after 17 years, he will do it again...

[noforgiveness]

This guy has all the same tired lines and you buy it.

 

Oh poor me my wife cheated first. Um ok he's probably bsing you to justify his cheating.

 

This man years ago had sex with you while living with his now wife when she was just a girlfriend. While the girlfriend who would become his wife was upstairs sleeping you did him while he professed his love but alas you just mean too much to him for a releationship. Who doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Like the good friend that he is he disappears for years and years. Are you catching the bull yet? He dumped you didn't talk to you and married her. Did you think he would stay with a woman who would screw him in the garage while his girlfriend slept???? You have to respect someone to marry them.

 

Then years later when the old wifey is pregnant and he's feeling ignored with everyone giving wifey and babytobe all the attention he crawls to you who would do anything for him and worshipped the ground he walks on. Like a good little ego boost you were eager to please because oh my his marriage was bad ahhh but his wife is pregnant. :laugh:I guess she tricked him into the pregnancy. Oh but wife is so mean she even broke her hand on me. Ohhhh perfect time to get out of marriage. Proven abuse. But noooo he disappears and never calls you again as his wife is apologizing and fawing over him again.

 

Are you noticing a pattern of man choosing woman - man using you?

 

Leave him and his wife alone.

 

Oh so why didn't he escape the marriage and run to you when his wife cheated since he's always loved you? It would have been the perfect time. I can guess. Because he is full of crap. Oh and your sis in law. She's been told you are crazy from married man and she just wants to run interference for her brother and his wife to help them.

[SierraRose]

Noforgiveness, FYI, I don't bother him or his W. I am going on with my life, and that's that. Maybe I did get used. I never cheated on a b/f or got involved w/ any man that was committed. Stupid me, I guess for thinking my long lost friend actually loved me....

[Owl]

I think your best bet here is to do as WWIU suggested, and block ALL avenues of approach...regardless if it's him or his wife doing the approaching.

 

You've taken measures to do so...make sure that they're as good as you can get...and then just let it go.

 

His wife's actions are TYPICAL...NORMAL for a BS. It's got nothing to do with any potential "illness", or "problem" on her part. There was nothing out of the ordinary in what she did. (I'm not saying that it was "fair"...I'm just saying that it's not odd that this happened by any means.).

 

Just deal with ensuring that it can't happen again, and let it go.

[pelicanpreacher]

You know what really cracks me up is MM's boo hooing about 2 alleged affairs his wife had on him years back when even before he married her he was cheating on her with you! What makes you think that this guy hasn't been chasing skirts all over town the entire time he's been married based on the historical predictors he exhibited prior to marriage? The fact that he got it in his head to hunt you down for the sole purpose of getting his ego (and everything else) stroked makes me shake my head when you jump up and champion what most people would assess to be completely outrageous behavior if you were outside looking in as we are.

[SierraRose]

PP, if you read my 1st post AM I CLUELESS? MM and I were friends for serveral years wayback when. We were (platonic) BFF for quite sometime. He was never a cheater. He was the kinda guy who was alway upfront and honest with women.

IMO, I don't doubt for a minute he is/was miserable in his marriage. I retrospect, what I do think he looked me up because I was familiar.

I've read many posts on here, just now OW, but dating and such. I've read one too many stories where and old HS Sweetheart pops up from the past (for their own selfish reasons) with the hopes of going back to the happy times of way back when. The recipient of the trackdown, usually gets stuck in the fantasy of way back when; actully questioning reality!

How those emotions are handled depends upon the individual and each situation.

I, unfortunately was in one of the lowest points in my life, do to the fact I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years. Now, don't misconstrue what I am saying-by no means am I playing the pity card, just reflecting and stating the facts. Along came a man that I had nothing but admiration for, telling me everything I needed to hear at the time to get roped in. It was completely flattering knowing I was tracked down after so long. Talk about an ego boost! The reality is hindsight is 20/20...

Since both men have been out of my life, I've been focusing on picking up the pieces. I don't date, I am in no way, shape or for ready. I am worrying about nothing but myself and my son. OH, yeah, and hang out with you ppl!

[bentnotbroken]

Loneyandfrustrated....you should add bitter to you handle....My guess is, you a scorned S...This forum is for OW...support, suggestions, CONSTRUCTIVE critism...if you are going to be obnoxious and bash, go elsewhere...

 

 

Interesting that you would tell another poster with more post than you to leave.

[2sure]

I am a BS, and also a former OW - I and many other posters on both sides have both gained much and offered support to our counterparts here in this forum.

 

Sometimes other people's perspectives arent what we want to hear, or are not complete, or are even accusing or unhelpful. We can shop for answers if we dont like what we get.

 

But they all make you think and thats the point.

[wildsoul]

I, unfortunately was in one of the lowest points in my life, do to the fact I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years. Now, don't misconstrue what I am saying-by no means am I playing the pity card, just reflecting and stating the facts. Along came a man that I had nothing but admiration for, telling me everything I needed to hear at the time to get roped in. It was completely flattering knowing I was tracked down after so long. Talk about an ego boost! The reality is hindsight is 20/20...

It's really good to be looking at what made you vulnerable to the A in the first place. Sure, those of us that are in first-time affairs report that there was something about the OM/W in particular, but it's also about us and why we would even consider an A at all.

 

Like you, I own up to the fact that when I met him it was at a pretty low point in my life. Getting ready to file D papers after having moved out 1.5 years prior. Hard economic times. Living in a new area w/o a lot of friends. I'd been dating a little bit, but no one special. I think all those things made me more vulnerable than usual. Sure, I'd rebuffed the MM at first. But then I started responding to his romantic persuit and rationalizing. Now, I think the key is to shore up those vulnerabilities, because they're still there, in fact worse now.

 

Curious: if you could roll back the clock, would you do this over with him in the same way?

[SierraRose]

Bent, MY BAD...I didn't know this was "he who has the most posts win.." kinda deal...You have the right to voice you opinion just as much as I do REGARDLESS of how many posts one has. Dont get nasty with me and I won't with you...I'm hear for support, not to battle...got it?

[SierraRose]

WildSoul, If I could turn the clock back 18 years, then yes... I can't so it is what it is..

[Shygirl15]

Ummm....NOT TRUE, my friend..If you read my orginal post, her H and were friends years ago....HE FOUND ME ON THE INTERNET AND RE ENTERED MY LIFE, WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH MY B/F....Read and do your homework before you make a nasty, ignorant post!

Eh. What a rude Other Woman. I would be scared of you if I was the BS in this triangle. For real.

[SierraRose]

I'm looking for support, understanding and constructive critism. One poster in particular contues to leave posts which are just simply snide remarks. I don't appreciate it.

[Federica]

The quantity of argumentative, vitriolic, insulting and derogatory posts in this thread belie belief.

I've lost count of those who have broken the Forum Community guidelines, so much so that I would spend the entire evening dishing out infractions for civility and respect....

 

Let me please remind all those participating:

 

"We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.

Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant. It is inevitable that members will sometimes disagree in their responses to any given problem, and LoveShack.org encourages healthy debate comprised of constructive questions and criticisms, so long as they pertain to the post and thread at hand. Personal dislike of another member has no place in any post, on any thread."

 

You all know who you are.

I know who you are.

 

If I witness any further personal comments, insults, retorts, spats, tit-for-tats from any of you, in other threads, for whatever reason, against whomever, I will take immediate and appropriate action.