Please Respond ASAP!!

[Would be lost without him]

Help Please

 

Ok heres the problem

 

My boyfriends dad Thinks I am a Slut

 

He even said it to my face

 

My man trys to defend me but it doesn't help!!!

 

I asked my guy to the movies this weekend and his dad goes sorry he can't go he doesn't go with sluts!

 

I don't Even Show barely any skin in my outfits!!

 

So I had a friend Go and ask him to the movies and his dad goes sure we love Cheerleaders!!

 

She took him to the movies but then left us alone!

 

I CAN NOT BELIEVE HIS DAD LET HIM CHEAT ON HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!

 

THAT MAKES ME MAD

 

If your wondering hes 16 im 16

 

We have been together about 3 months!

 

We kinda have to sneak around his mom loves me and even calls me sweety!

 

his dad owns a buissness and works him 24/6 Please don't say dump him Cause I have VERY strong feelings for him!

 

PLEASE HELP!!!

 

Thanks in advance

[Tony T]

You've asked this question before and I'm sorry I wasn't much help. I'll give it another try.

 

First, his father is a controlling bXsXaXd. For some reason he has to control his son's life, working him 24/7, deciding who his friends will be, labeling his girlfriend a slut, etc. Anyone who threatens to take any measure of control over his son away from him will be a serious target.

 

I am assuming you have already asked yourself if you could be interested in a guy whose father runs his life. As you know until he is 18 or financially able to leave home, get a place of his own, and fully support himself, his father OWNS his entire being.

 

For some reason which you have not disclosed, you have torked his father, either by your appearance or behavior. My guess is that you or any girl his son may be interested in will be a threat to him, as I mentioned above. The dad is a sicky but you have to respect his wishes whatever they are.

 

A dating situation with this guy is going to be very difficult. You seem to have already analyzed this and have exercised many of your options, including violations of child labor laws. So let's see what else there is.

 

*** You can change you appearance and kiss up to him. Offer to work for him part time as an intern at no charge.

 

You will NEVER get this guy without gaining the favor of his old man so forget anything else.

 

*** Find an adult who is understanding and who knows you well and have him go see your boyfriend's dad and put in some good words for you. Obviously, the dad doesn't know you are a good person and needs to be told how good you are for his son.

 

*** Do some homework and make a list of some things that would improve his father's business...make more money for him. Have your boyfriend take the list, show his father, and let him know YOU prepared it. That will impress his dad more than anything.

 

My guess is that your boyfriend's dad's father left his mother when he was small for another woman, leaving his own mom stranded, lonely and in despair. This made a horrible memory for him and caused intense pain. Now, he sees a pattern here and doesn't want an outsider coming in to take away his son...and he is doing everything in his power to keep that from happening.

 

You have got to show this man you are not a threat, that you are NOT going to take his son away, and you would like to be a part of both his and his father's life. That's the ONLY way it's going to work.

 

In my opinion, unless you love this guy more than life itself, it won't be worth the work and the crap you'll have to put up with if you remove all the obstacles...but you asked for advice and her it is. I don't know what else to tell you.

 

You gotta want this guy fiercely bad. I wish someone could be so passionate about me.

 

Good luck!!!

[Would be lost without him]

Acually in Response to Tony his Parents are together and have been together for 23 years no threat of devorce and his son is his only child!

 

Do you think it help to get my mom who is close to his dads age go in and sit down with his parents and explain how much we love eachother????

 

If so What Should she say??

 

Please give me something to go off of!!

[Tony T]

I did not imply that his parents were not together. I did state I felt there had been problems with his father's parents. Read my post again, VERY CAREFULLY.

 

I do not think it is a good idea for your mother to act as your negotiator in this situation. However, in the absence of any better alternative, it may be your only choice. Your mother is old enough and wise enough to know what to say. If nothing else, she may be able to find out why his dad has such a dislike for you. That information may help you make the necessary changes.

 

The longer you keep charging away at this thing, the more the father is going to dislike you. You need to resolve this very quickly.

 

Again, the key here is to change the dad's opinion of you and I gave you some suggestions on how to do that.

 

I also think you need to come to terms with the fact that you cannot have everything and everyone that you desire in life. There are simply obstacles that can't be overcome in some instances...and you've got to know when it's best to walk away.

 

I will no longer respond in this situation. I've given it my all. But I urge others who see your post to give their advice. There are many people here who are much smarter and wiser than me.

 

Also consider that part of the reason you may be so attracted to this guy is because his father has made him one of the biggest challenges of your life. If you were completely free to see him anytime, you might be bored very quickly.

 

Again, this is my final post on this issue.

[Mary]

Does your Mom know about how the dad is?

 

This may sound corny...

 

How about going on a movie date with your Mom chaperoning? If your Mom knows his parents, have her say that she'd be happy to chaperone you two because she heard how strict the father is. Or invite his parents and yours to chaperone. He'll probably decline, and you can go off with your Mom to seperate movies.

 

He wouldn't DARE call you names in front of an adult.

 

This man sounds like a nightmare. Be careful, he sounds like a psycho. Any so-called 'adult' who would treat you like that is a freak. If he's that controlling of his son this much, he will turn his son into an emotional cripple.

 

Please be careful and good luck.