They're really pushing themselves out of our lives...

[ohhmyandrea]

My boyfriend and I were seperated for 3 or so months, long distance. He went off to school, I stayed home. He came back home for a break and proposed.

 

His parents flew off the handle.

 

I recently moved to Alabama, where he attends school to make our relationship less troublesome. After a while of his parents completely disagreeing with our relationship - they really did approve of me before the move - we decided to call the engagement off.

 

He tells me that he's going to do everything right before proceeding again and told me that if we do get engaged that he doesnt want a wedding until hes out of school.

 

Im not completely opposed to the idea if it wouldnt have only come about because of his parents.

 

He asked his parents how long this relationship would have to be successful before they would approve of a marriage. She coldly replied that we wouldn't work out.

 

She said our relationship is built on selfish lust.

 

I have never done anything to make her think this of me. Ive encouraged him to stay on good terms with his family despite their disapproval. I encourage him to do well in school and really just want whats best for him.

 

 

How am I supposed to deal with them interfering with our relationship?

And so coldly disapproving of me?

[Sunshine11]

Gosh, I don't know. I guess that depends on why his parents disapprove of your relationship. Do they think no one is good enough for him? Do they think he doesn't know how to choose a good woman until after he's done with school? Do they disapprove of the fact that you're not in school, or maybe they are being judgemental about having different backgrounds? It may have nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, if this is the case, there's not a whole lot YOU can do; he'll have to make his own decisions about his own relationships with you and his folks.

 

On the other hand, if it does have something to do with something you did or said, you could try to win them over. Send them a Christmas card, or do something nice for them. Or you could try to get on their good side by asking them to go in on a gift for your SO for Christmas, e.g. "He keeps saying he wishes he had a digital planner to keep his study schedule on track, but it's kind of a big purchase for me. Would you be interested in going in on a palm pilot or iPhone with me as a Christmas gift?" Then it'll show you want him to succeed in school, and you're not trying to coerce his energies away from being successful.

 

I don't know; I was in his situation...I broke up with my former boyfriend, then we got back together, and I just didn't tell my folks. We ended up breaking up a few months later anyway, so I don't have any experience with resolving your issue.

[Geishawhelk]

How old are you both?

[Lauriebell82]

I've been on both sides of this fence before. My ex-bf's family HATED me and I never even met most of them!!! I remember that he invited me for thanksgiving dinner one year and his grandma (who I neve met) said "I wasn't welcome." It really broke my heart to hear that. We had plans to get married, however I ended up breaking things off before engagement happened because he lied to me.

 

Current relationship: family LOVES me, and I love them. Whenever we do get engaged, i will be happy to have them as a family.

 

It's a really hard thing to have your boyfriend's parents hate you..and for no good reason. All I can say is you are in for some pain if this does not get resolved. You could ask your fiance why his mom thinks your relationship is built on selfish lust? If she has some kind of reasoning, maybe you could get him to talk to his mom and resolve things. If not then you two will just have to deal with his parents not liking you if you want to be together. I know that is probably going to be hard, but if you want make your relationship work you will need to deal with it.