MixMinus Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 How long should you wait after a separation before introducing your new SO to your young kids? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I would wait until you're divorced. The kids need time to adjust and get used to you being separated, they're upset, confused more than likely and it isn't fair to push a new possible step parent or SO into their lives. They have enough to deal with, so wait. It isn't fair to them to have to deal with one of their parents having a new partner so soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 There's no simple answer without more information: How old are your kids? How long have you been separated? Does your STBX-spouse know about the SO? If he/she hears about the SO from the kids instead of you, how will that go? Is divorce inevitable? How long after (or before...) your separation did you meet your now-SO? Was the presence of the SO a part of the dynamic around the separation? What is your purpose in wanting to introduce him/her? What is the advantage to doing so, over keeping it to yourself for now? My main comment is that you owe it to your kids to make sure that your thought process around introducing your SO keep their best interests as the prime consideration. If introducing the SO has a good chance of confusing their understanding of the family situation, or adding drama to your STBX-spouse's life that might affect them (even indirectly through your parental relationship...) then unless there is a compelling reason to air it all out, this might be a situation where you should just take one for the team and keep it to yourself until things get farther along. But all of that depends, of course on the answers to my questions above - especially the one WWIU also mentioned: are you divorced yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MixMinus Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 I'm not the one with the SO, my STBX is. She started seeing this person 2 months in to the separation while I was still in the home. My 6 year old called me the other day and told me she just met "moms new friend". STBX was having sleep overs at "The Friends" almost immediately in to the relationship and my daughter new she was staying at the nameless friends house. So now she meets the friend. She's not stupid, she can put 2 and 2 together. And I have an 18 mo old who I'm sure is totally confused. I just moved out 2 weeks ago. We share custody now. The divorce is not final. Still hashing things out. Thanks for the feedback! Link to post Share on other sites
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