Divorced 1.5 yrs, busy with work need to meet a women

[sg14all]

I'm a 47 yrs of male.

 

i got divorced about feb 08 has been seperated for 1.5 yrs, and the x, used me, as well had others lined up, that when we were divorced she was with someone already within a week after seperation.

 

I moved to Oranged county, CA from michgina for work with her, she lives in the county, i don't see her anymore and have not since 1 year ago. We were married for about 2 years, and we ended up this way because i was her Green card provider, and just could not deal with that fact. which is a story of it's own, anyway onward and forward.

 

I am working hard, and getting settled here, but having problems meeting new single ladies or lady.

 

i am not in the bar seen, have tried some of the online stuff, but no luck, i feel i'm getting down, too much and i'm not trying too hard to meet someone, as i 'm sure there is somone out there for me.

 

any ideas as to where or what and how, i can go about to get back in the process, and meet other, be able to develop a menningfull relationship.

 

appreciate any input... thanks.

[fishtaco]

Personally online dating has never worked for me, although I did have profiles up at a couple of free sites. I figure they were free, so it didn't cost me anything anyway. But I know people that have had successes.

 

Seems like as a guy, your online strategy would be to have a good profile, as in ask one of your female friends to write it for you, have professionally done pictures, at least the main one, and spam messages to as many woman as often as possible. Maybe someone else can help you with online.

 

What I believe in, is networking. The best way I feel to meet people, including potential dating partners, is through friends. It took me years to build up a social network, and I always keep it up even when I'm in a relationship. Searching for someone is work, period. Don't get me wrong, people do get lucky. You could just sit at home and suddenly the pizza delivery chick happens to be the love of your life. But for every person that gets lucky, there are 10 that didn't. I wouldn't bank on luck.

 

If you're 47, and assuming your ex didn't clean you out, you should be relatively stable, and probably a reasonably comfortable place in your life career and financial wise. That would be good. Women, especially 30+, like that. My formula is this:

 

1) Superficial/materialistic improvements. if you're financially stable you have one less thing to worry about than a 25 year old kid that just got out of college with a student loan to pay off. Dress better, pay attention to fashion, go work out. Ask your female friends for help with your style. Get a haircut that's relatively modern, but fits your age (i.e. the mini mohawk thing is all the rage these days, but probably wouldn't work for you). Get a wardrobe that's also up-to-date. Orange County is about as superficial as you can get. You have to play ball or you lose. There are gyms around every corner. Get a personal trainer. I work out at a gym the end of 55 freeway, if you're close by I can give you my personal trainer's info.

 

2) Be interesting. You can do that by develop a passion for some hobby, hopefully something cool like martial arts, or musical instruments, or something full of women like salsa/swing/ballroom dancing. But having ANY passion, as long as it's not super nerdy, like solving math equations for fun, or creepy, like collecting human bones, you should be fine. Women like men that have passion about something. Also travel a lot. Have good travel stories to tell. I don't recommend faking it, but alternately you could just read about it and pretend you did travel.

 

3) Attitude. You have to develop confidence. Women want you (lie to yourself until you believe it if you have to). But you, you're just hanging out and having a good time. You could care less if anything happens. This is also where mind games come in. In "the O.C.", dating is pretty cut throat. You picked a hard place to re-initiate yourself into the world of dating. Good thing is, quite a few women here have over-inflated sense of entitlement and are simply not date-able, feel free to practice on them. If you crash & burn, that'd be a good thing. You wouldn't want a relationship with them anyway. But the goal is to be practiced enough and be prepared to make a move when a good one does happen. They're out there, even here in "the O.C.". I tend to go for first generation immigrants (i.e. ones with accents) or women from out of state. There are psycho women everywhere, so that's not a guarantee, but the percentage swings a bit in your favor.

 

4) Most important one - be social. You HAVE to put yourself out there. Bars and clubs are great for meeting practice women, but very rarely will you meet someone worthy. It's possible, I met my ex at a club, she's a good woman. But again, we're talking percentages here. Put the word out that you're single amongst your friends. Get set up. Don't be afraid to ask for help. The best thing is to do some sort of activity. The easiest way to build a relationship is to have some sort of common ground, and have some platonic activity that repeats regularly, so you interact with each other on a regular basis. For example, tango dancing or something. Or maybe golf. And make friends. Platonic friends, men and women. That'll get you invited to parties & BBQ's, where you could meet even more people.

 

Basically do everything. Don't drop off online dating. Keep it going. Don't avoid bars & clubs because they have lower percentage of quality people there. Do everything. Use as many avenues as possible, use as many resources you have at your disposal as possible. And... protect yourself. Don't fall for women too soon. They have to prove themselves before you should take the next step forward. You are choosing them, not the other way around. Schedule time every week for "socializing". Go to places you barely know anyone and force yourself to be social. It's like anything else, you'll get better at it the more you do it. You learn more from failures than successes. So fail the first 20 times you try, and you're gonna get a lot of experience.

[sg14all]

Thanks for your reply it is very informative, well, I don't have much hair left so the hair cut is out, clothing i am fine as i'm up to date.

i would like to personal trainers info, i live in huntington beach not too too far i hope.

going places alone is hard to do, but if you know of places around here, that you have experince in meeting or places where there are alot of ladies there, don't mind you recommending some.

i do dive, but just got a house, so i'm in the process of moving, but in a month i'm going to be all in for any places you would recommend.

 

Again, thanks your input is much appreciated. Sam

[fishtaco]

Good thing about being a guy is you can be losing hair and 50, and you can still get 25 year olds if you play your cards right.

 

I'll send you PM, we can talk there about the specifics.

 

Edit: it says you can't receive PM's. Either turn it on or you can PM me with some other ways of contacting you.