He bought a motorcyle?

[amaysngrace]

Actually, a very valued and finicky carrion eater

 

Okay gross. I had to look that word up you know? I'm kinda sorry I did.

[carhill]

Well, who do you think cleans up the road kill around here? Certainly not me

 

Seriously, I want the OP to succeed in her R and be happy. That said, when I see signs that remind me of the robot in "Lost in Space" and its timely warning, I point them out. I ignored such signs in my M and such has gotten me to where I am now. Eating crows

[lexi29]

LB, first why is marriage so important to you? I agree with you that 2/12 years is plenty of time for most people and isn't rushing it. It is different for everyone. At 2/12 years with my ex (a year and a half of living together) I wanted to get engaged to him and I was only in my early twenties at the time. So I'm not saying its too soon or anything but why is getting engaged so important to you? You are living with a man you love, get to enjoy your life together every day. What is getting engaged going to add to your relationship?

 

In my case (with my ex who talked the talk but never followed through) I wanted to get engaged and eventually married because I loved him, wanted to spend my life with him, and felt that I needed him to prove that he felt the same way. He told me he loved me every day, did nice things for me, we had fun together etc, but I felt that we were not totally connected and that being engaged would strengthen our bond. Also I wanted him to prove to me that he wasn't leading me on and that his future plans DID include me.

 

He always told me he wanted to marry me (started this at around six months of dating, he told me he was going to propose to me by Christmas and I'd better be thinking of my answer the year we moved in together, and again whenever we'd talk about marriage he would say yes he wanted to get engaged and had plans but wanted it to be a suprise, be special etc. This went on for a few years. Whenever we'd talk about it (sometimes intiated by him) he'd always say he wanted to but had one excuse after another). I am NOT saying your boyfriend is doing the same thing my ex did. But that is my past experience and I've seen my friends go through similiar situations. One friend was dating a guy for over 2 years and he took her ring shopping and picked out a ring and she was all excited and he never proposed. Instead he bought a house for them and then decided not to move in with her (he let her stay in the house) He kept telling her he was going to propose but had to come up with the perfect proposal (never happened) She is now married to someone else.

 

I don't know your history (saw someone say you thought he was going to propose last xmas) so maybe you are just overly eager about getting married and are looking at every action of your bf's as a hint he is getting ready to propose. Also, and honestly I mean this in the nicest way possible- I've noticed on here you get upset when others don't agree with you. You said you were happy after having the talk and now you seem upset because some people are still telling you he might be leading you on and so you get mad at them. Again, not trying to upset you because I can be like this too so I totally understand but maybe you are the same way toward your boyfriend so he is afraid to tell you how he REALLY feels (not that he's lying, just that he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear so he doesn't rock the boat. I truly do think he wants to marry you and has plans to propose. But I think you are going to be disapointed because it won't be anytime soon as in a year or so from now. (and I really hope I am wrong and he proposes in a few months!)

 

I think you are feeling a lot of anxiety from the situation (because it does suck not knowing and to be left hanging) and I think that is why you stress over it so much and need reassurance from him. I know I do the same thing when I have a lot of anxiety over a situation involving an SO. I stress about it and feel like I"m going to explode if I dont get reassurance and I'll ask him about the same things over and over (a few months apart) and he reassures me and I feel great that the anxiety is removed and then it might come back again and the cycle repeats (if that makes sense)

 

Are you maybe feeling insecure because your bf's actions don't always seem to make your relationship as in "us" a first priority but he always seems to do whatever makes HIM happy (weekends with friends, motorcycle etc) Not saying there is anything wrong with him enjoying himself or having interests outside of your relationship but do you think you could be wanting more security because he doesn't seem as connected to the relationship as you are? I really do believe he loves you and wants to marry you one day but I think he is having fun right now and enjoying what you two have and doesnt' want to become more serious just yet. Nothing wrong with that but I still believe he isn't on the same page as you (even though you said he expressed he is) Most guys who want to get engaged just does it. They don't wait for the perfect moment, they don't talk about it, they just buy the ring and propose.

 

In my opinion your bf just isn't quite ready but if you relax (and can wait maybe another year at the longest) I can see him asking you to marry him.

[Jilly Bean]

LB, do you consistently hump him about marriage because you sense he isn't as commited to the idea as you are?

 

I think he bought the motorcycle without telling you because he knows you would totally crush his stones for it if he shared it with you. I think he also knows this is how marriage would be with you - one long fight over anything that he choses that doesn't revolve around you.

 

I think in your overzealous desire to control everything in your sight out of your own insecurities, you are sucking the joy out of every situation. I get the feeling that you are diminishing his desires to be with you, or ever propose. I mean, you are always asking when, what kind of ring, etc. What a mood killer!

 

I really do fear that unless you BACK OFF of this guy, he will get tired sooner than later of your conditions and tethers, and just ride off on the chopper into the sunset.

 

LB - check yourself, before you wreck yourself.

[Treasa]

Hi LS, first time poster. I've never asked for advice on an internet forum and it's not my thing, but I have this problem with my gf and I'm hoping to get some opinions.

 

I love this girl and we've been dating for 2 and 1/2 years. We're in our mid-20's. It was long distance for a while, but we've been living together for the past few months. I have a good career and passed my CPA exam last year. She's just getting her career started since graduating from school recently.

 

I want to marry her and I have the proposal all planned out for next spring - it will be in the place we had our first date. The thing is, I really want this to be a surprise, but she's been driving me crazy all along about getting married. Every time the subject of weddings comes up, she gives me the third degree about whether I really want to marry her and when I'm going to propose. She keeps showing me rings she wants in catalogs and gets all upset when I don't give her a ring for her birthday or Christmas or something. I get her really nice gifts, too! Diamond earrings, jewelry boxes.

 

This time, she got upset because I bought a motorcycle and thought that meant I didn't want to marry her, and that I'm just stringing her along so I can keep getting the milk for free instead of buying the cow. WTF? Cows? Milk? Man, we moved in together as soon as she moved back into town, and we spend a lot of time together. Yeah, I do like to spend time with my friends and she's a little lonely because she doesn't have any friends here now, but how does that translate to me not wanting to marry her? Why is she so insecure?

 

I've already told her that I want to marry her, but I don't want to tell her when I will propose as that will ruin the surprise. Do you think she doesn't trust me?

 

Should I just propose now because she really wants it now, or should I stick to my plan and surprise her with a romantic proposal like I planned?

 

:bunny: I totally agree! And this made me laugh. I don't understand why anyone would get offended by it.

[Walk]

I got all the help I need, thanks. I was actually happy, thanks A LOT.

 

You said you have it all figured out.. but either way, a good exercise to try when you feel conflicted about your bf's actions is to write a letter to yourself pretending to be your bf. Write it as if you're him. Which means you really have to put yourself in his shoes, try to think the way he thinks, feel how he feels.

 

It's really eye opening if you take the exercise seriously.

 

But I'm pretty sure you've abandoned this thread (yet another).

[Lishy]

It's a real shame that LB abandons her threads when she does not hear want she wants to hear. Its really passive aggressive and makes a mockery of all the advice given and the time people have taken to respond to yet another repeat ongoing problem

 

Oh well

[Walk]

I figured she'd do the same as she did last time, so I didn't bother putting any effort into this thread.

 

I think LB is addicted to the idea of marriage. She gets a rush from the feelings, she has to poke the horse to feel the anxiety. It's like cliff jumpers who can't quit. They nearly die, and they're back out their the next day.

[Walk]

Not that LB will read it.. But I thought Lexi's post was really good. I enjoyed reading it. And I'm sure it'll help someone else out at a later date.

[Kamille]

Not that LB will read it.. But I thought Lexi's post was really good. I enjoyed reading it. And I'm sure it'll help someone else out at a later date.

 

I agree Lexi's post is really good. It's empathetic and not overly dramatic as some of the other posts on here have been.

 

And your situation is complex:

 

When I read your threads I'm always torn between multiple interpretations

 

1) You have the right to want to get married vs 1) You are letting that desire guide how you feel in your relationship.

 

2) Your boyfriend does show love and commitment vs 2) He isn't very good at managing your marriage anxieties.

 

3) He isn't ready to get married and IS telling you so vs 3) He does seem to lead you on about marriage sometimes.

 

and finally

 

4) You are getting good advice on LS vs 4) LS's multiple point of views are only feeding your anxieties.

 

 

I would like to add that your desire to get married combined with your fear of losing your bf seems to be your one vulnerability in your relationship. It informs how you live it and how you interpret your boyfriend's actions. Try to imagine your relationship, as it is now, without those anxieties. What would be different? How would it change you? Wouldn't you feel better about yourself, your bf and your relationship? Many here tell you your relationship would improve as a result: you would have an easier time asserting healthy boundaries, thus improving your relationship and bringing it to another level. You're the therapist so you must know the power of visualisation. Just spend some time trying to imagine living without those anxieties; as if your relationship as it is right now is exactly as it needs to be (which perhaps IT IS).

[Trialbyfire]

The only aspect that's pertinent, is LB's perception of her SOs actions and how she reacts to those perceptions. If her perceptions are negative, she will hang him. If her perceptions are positive, she will stay with him. It's up to her what she wants to do but she also has to realize that for every action she takes, there can be equal consequences, reliant on her SOs perception of actions.

 

If she wants to stay with him, she needs to control herself. This doesn't mean roll-over consistently. Boundaries are necessary. If he hangs himself, then she needs to create consequences for his actions.

 

Overall, she's responsible for herself, just like he's responsible for himself. Each person is responsible for their own happiness, including and especially, over-internalizing.

[Lauriebell82]

Well, since everyone is thinking I'm passive agressive I will just be assertive and respond. I don't wish to post anymore because it is feeding into my anxiety. I am getting more and more confused by all the different perspectives/advice and I'm mixed up between the positive and negative feelings of everyone. Maybe I will post again when/if I get engaged, however as of right now I'm just about to go nuts (if I'm not already).

 

Oh, I thought about Norajane's post and what I would say to someone who posted that. I would say that if he doesn't wish to propose now then he shouldn't. I would rather have someone propose to me when they want to and not because they feel they HAVE to. I don't want to force anyone to marry me, and I shouldn't have to. I'm better then that. As hard as it may be I will wait until he wants to propose, because then I know we will both be happy. I can think a lot clearer when I don't read a bunch of different advice because I can just maintain my clear thought patterns without my perspective changing constantly. So thanks for the advice everyone.

 

Oh, I did read Lexi's post as well and thought it was good aslo. I don't know one way or the other what his plans are, so I will just need to wait and see.

[Lishy]

Well, since everyone is thinking I'm passive agressive I will just be assertive and respond. I don't wish to post anymore because it is feeding into my anxiety. I am getting more and more confused by all the different perspectives/advice and I'm mixed up between the positive and negative feelings of everyone. Maybe I will post again when/if I get engaged, however as of right now I'm just about to go nuts (if I'm not already).

 

Post away LB,that is what LS is for BUT realise that you will not always hear what you want to hear an everyone has different views due to their age and experiences

 

Oh, I thought about Norajane's post and what I would say to someone who posted that. I would say that if he doesn't wish to propose now then he shouldn't. I would rather have someone propose to me when they want to and not because they feel they HAVE to. I don't want to force anyone to marry me, and I shouldn't have to.

 

EXACTLY!! so when he buys something for himself he should not have to justify that he still has money for a ring should he?

 

I'm better then that.

 

You are DAMN RIGHT there!! You are much better than that!

 

As hard as it may be I will wait until he wants to propose, because then I know we will both be happy.

 

LB,that is what everyone has been telling you for the last year honey,and it is so true! You will not be twiddling your fingers at every special occassion hoping and praying for a ring, no stress, how wonderful!

 

I can think a lot clearer when I don't read a bunch of different advice because I can just maintain my clear thought patterns without my perspective changing constantly. So thanks for the advice everyone.

 

LB, you will always get differing advice here that is the good/bad side to LS. You have to be prepared no matter what you are posting about.

 

Oh, I did read Lexi's post as well and thought it was good aslo. I don't know one way or the other what his plans are, so I will just need to wait and see.

 

If you can stick with this then you will be a much happier girl. It is under no doubt that your bf loves you and wants to be with you. You are a lucky girl and you should realise this, a ring means nadda in the grande scheme of things LB so just enjoy what you have right now!

[Mary3]

Quite possible.

 

I have to say that buying a motorcycle when he knows it is something you will not share with him is not a good sign IMO.

 

I think he is saying he wants to get married because he knows it is what you want. Yet in the back of his mind, he does not feel ready himself. While he loves you and thinks maybe he wants to marry you, he does not have the confidence to say he KNOWS he wants to marry you. Yes, I know what he SAYS, but his actions say differently.

 

You have a choice...do you want him more than marriage at this point? Or would you rather move on and find someone ready to marry? And yes, two years is long enough to know if you want to marry someone. By now, a proposal should have been made.

 

Right On ! Quite a few posters have hit the mark here.

 

May I say , I don't think * anytime * is the right time for this guy. I noticed alot of your posts in recent times were about him marrying you.

 

What does he do ? He buys an expensive motorcycle depleting his account announcing to you ( you dont like motorcycles ) and to his family that he is broke now.

 

When a guy does not want to get married , for it be 30 gabizillion reasons , then he DOES NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED . PERIOD. End of story. You can continue bringing it up * But *

 

Guess what " I don't want to get married " means ? It means : Guy speak for " I dont want to get married "

 

A guy that WANTS to get married formerly asks you on his knee he asks you. He presents a ring. He says : Will you Marry me ? You say yes and then later an egagement date is set.

 

Which part of the above has happened. ??

 

The when I get around to it maybe someday when an asteroid hits the earth is a STALL tactic that is bs.

 

If he does not want to get married then you have to make a choice for your own life.

[RecordProducer]

I dunno. I think we've been hearing LB worry for so long about getting married that it's making us come up with all kinds of stuff to explain his delay, when, really, she graduated very recently and they moved in together only months ago so there hasn't really been a delay. Things actually have been progressing in their relationship over the past year as their circumstances have changed.

 

I honestly don't think he's stringing her along. In fact, I think he is going to propose soon. I don't think he's lying about having her proposal all planned and knowing when it will happen - I think it will be soon. Who plans a proposal and knows how he's going to do it a year or two ahead of time? He won't be able to hold off now that he's got it all figured out.

 

I would say you're probably right in your predictions. (I loved your post in his name a lot! )

Laurie, I won't spend too much energy on you because you don't listen anyway. But I'll tell you this: you're ruining your relationship with your wedding anxiety, lack of trust, fears and your I-am-waiting-for-you position. You could be waiting for him and he'd never know, but you're standing still, tapping your foot off the ground nervously, rolling your eyes and hissing in despair. Nobody wants a woman he can easily have. You're on his neck about this issue, even though you think you calmly express your concerns. He is STILL understanding, but very soon he may lose his patience.

 

What I am trying to convey to you is: you are ruining your relationship. He will marry you if he enjoys being with you, if you guys laugh, talk, have fun - not if you act insecure and sad. He has a right not to be 100% certain that he wants to marry you and if he isn't certain - it's because of YOU. He told you that you cause drama. You do cause drama by wanting to know when. You keep asking when, when, when, then you let him know you have doubts and fears, then you play tricks with him (like the spacial treatment joke) which assure him even more that you're obsessed with the engagement.

 

You're sucking all the juice out of your love. You're young, you've been together for 2.5 years, you recently started living together, he said you're the one and he'll surprise you with a proposal some day. And what do you do? You massage the issue to the point where it becomes a major wound. You just can't let it go, not for too long. You gotta have what you want and you gotta have it NOW. If you continue like this, I can imagine him writing a "next" post on LS: "Thank God I escaped from my psycho GF."

 

I am not telling you this to offend you. I want to help you and make you understand how we all (and probably your BF too) see you. You 're obsessed with this 24/7 as if it's a matter of life and death. Finally, even if he doesn't marry you, it won't be the end of the world. Those things happen and people meet other people and end up happily married. You can't force him to marry you. You can't persuade him. You can't make him tell you WHEN, because he might not be sure.

 

He may get engaged and break the engagement. He may even marry you and dump you after a few years with two kids. What are you going to do THEN? It's your personality that will make him marry you and stay married to you. Your character is your ticket to a happy marriage. Work on that!

[Lishy]

OMG RP that is all so true

 

Props to that post!

[lexi29]

"He has a right not to be 100% certain that he wants to marry you and if he isn't certain - it's because of YOU."

 

I don't agree with this because it almost sounds like saying there is something wrong with her and thats why he's not sure. This is HIS problem. He's not ready for whatever reason but I don't think if he's not ready that she can change anything about herself (nor should she have to) to try to be "good enough" for him to marry. It's a little like saying if someone cheats on you its because of something you did.

 

 

I don't think it is all Lb's fault that she's in this situation. She is trying to trust her bf. He has been saying (for about a year as far as I can tell) that he DOES want to marry her and is going to propose. Is she obsessed with marriage? Seems like it but its not like she just picked some random guy off the street and can't wait to marry him. She loves this guy and they've moved in together and she is ready to progress to the next step and get engaged. And he is telling her he too is ready!

 

This is where I see the problem- he is constantly telling her (sometimes when she asks and sometimes out of the blue) that he wants to get engaged and has it all planned out and is going to ask her soon and yet he DOESN'T FOLLOW THROUGH. His words don't match his actions.

 

It is possible that she is reading too much into what he is saying (we don't hear his side) but she IS trusting him and believing his words and then his actions say something totally different. He is saying to her that he wants to marry her, that she is the one, that he has everything planned and wants it to be a huge surpise and if she'd just back off and let him suprise her he would very soon. Honestly, I don't think he is ready to get married and though I don't think he 's deliberately leading her on (I think he DOES want to marry LB but if left to his own devices he would put off proposing for six months to a year if not longer). From her description of him, he just doesn't seem like a guy who is interested in marriage right now. He seems like a good guy who is mostly into himself and his interests and sees a his girlfriend as a bonus in his life (He loves her and tries to treat her well) but he doesn't seem to look at her as a partner in life.

 

 

He seems to do what he wants and doesn't always consider LB's feelings until she points them out to him. Not saying he is a bad guy, but just seems to be more concerned with making himself #1.

 

I think there is a certain level of anxiety for women in their 20's when it comes to moving in with a boyfriend. Often there is the expectation of getting married and when the guy is getting all the benefits of marriage and is happy with that sometimes, they dont' feel the need to make it official. And on top of that all your friends are getting married and you are wondering when it will happen for you. My ex had no problem living with an SO but for some reason the idea of marriage terrified him (he is 35, had two serious gf's since me and is still not married).Yet he spoke of getting married often and told me he was going to propose to me and led me on for a few years until i had enough. I stuck around believing his words even though his actions didnt' match up. He had every excuse, that he didn't have the money, that he wanted it to be a surpise, that he had to plan a great proposal, that he was scared of getting hurt (he came up with that one four years into our relationship and I was like-what! I haven't hurt you so far so how is a ceremony and a piece of paper going to change that?, also he said he wanted to propose on a certain date and it had passed that year so he'd have to wait till next year, or he'd say oh we fight too much (after we argued ONE time in like 6 months) I should have been smart enough to see through his bs. But some days he'd look into my eyes and cuddle with me and tell me how much he loved me and that he WAS planning to marry me and he was going to ask me to get engaged very soon and I'd believe the parts I wanted to hear. So I sort of know where LB's anxiety is coming from. And it can make you crazy.

 

I think if her bf did more things that backed up his words she would feel more secure about the situation and be able to relax. But his words and his actions don't match. He talks about marriage and proposals and rings and instead of doing things that bring him closer to LB he has parties with friends where he asks her to leave for the weekend (or something along those lines) and then tells her he's looking at/saving for a ring and planning a big suprise and then goes out and makes a major purchase soley for himself and announces he is broke (obviously making LB think he's changed his mind about buying a ring, even though apparently he lied or misled everyone with the announcement of being broke or maybe it was just a joke because he now tells her he has plenty of cash for a ring).

 

There is nothing wrong with him having parties with his friends or interests outside of their relationship or buying a "toy" for himself. But he's acting more like a guy who has a casual girlfriend then someone planning for a future with another person. I think that the fact his words don't match his actions makes LB feel insecure.

 

I could be totally off (and hope I am!) but in my past experience I was 20 when my ex fiance proposed to me and though we had talked about getting married one day (and both wanted to) we had been together for 2 years and neither of us was out of college yet so when he proposed it was a total surprise. I didnt' see it coming. With my current fiance, he had told me he wanted to get engaged and asked my thoughts on it and it was just a causual conversation. He had said when he got his tax return he was going to buy me a ring (and I didnt' really believe him, thought it was just something he was saying because of my past) Well he followed through and I was totally suprised because he had never been engaged before and I thought he was just talking to talk (like my ex did). I was literally so suprised that I didn't cry or even speak. Had no idea what to say, I was just in shock, like one of those moments were you are thinking "am I awake, is this really happening?" because it came out of nowhere.

 

So my thoughts are still the same, when a guy is ready to propse he won't keep talking about it and making up excuses, he will just do it. Her bf could say he wants it to be a suprise, well it would even be a suprise if he just took her out this weekend and proposed. I mean as long as no one tells her how he plans to propose and what day exactly, then it would still be a surprise.

[Trialbyfire]

Realistically speaking, it's a combination of both behaviours. I don't like the way he behaves but this obsession about marriage, isn't the way to go either.

 

LB is responsible for her own happiness. She can only control herself and how she reacts to his behaviours. She has to set her boundaries. If he fails time and again to respect her boundaries, then she has to take action. If she never takes action, she's enabling him to continue boundary pushing.

 

Lexi, if LB was insecure about moving in with him, why did she do it in the first place? Not that I have issues with moving in with a guy but you can't do it half-arsed, hoping it will lead to other things that you want. Don't rely on possibilities or potential. Rely on now and fact.

[lexi29]

Realistically speaking, it's a combination of both behaviours. I don't like the way he behaves but this obsession about marriage, isn't the way to go either.

 

LB is responsible for her own happiness. She can only control herself and how she reacts to his behaviours. She has to set her boundaries. If he fails time and again to respect her boundaries, then she has to take action. If she never takes action, she's enabling him to continue boundary pushing.

 

Lexi, if LB was insecure about moving in with him, why did she do it in the first place? Not that I have issues with moving in with a guy but you can't do it half-arsed, hoping it will lead to other things that you want. Don't rely on possibilities or potential. Rely on now and fact.

 

 

You are right, it is a combination of both behaviors. I didn't mean to imply it was totally one or the other's fault. I have no idea if LB was insecure about moving in with her bf. I was just pointing out that sometimes women in their 20's feel stressed after they move in with a guy because their expectation is to take the next step and get engaged (which is what they want) and the guy is just happy living together and isn't concerned about the future and sees no reason to propose (this can happen in the woman's case too). I have no idea if this is the case with LB, as far as I've read she was happy to move in with him. I'm just pointing out that this may be the cause of some of her anxiety (they moved in together and now she's expecting the relationship to keep progressing ie getting engaged- and maybe she's worried he is just comfortable living with her and doesn't need or want anything more at this point??

 

And thats true, you shouldn't move in with someone based on potential, you should be happy with the here and now. When I moved in with my ex I was very happy with the present and excited to live with him. We had talked about marriage prior to this and it was agreed upon that we were headed in that direction. My ex kept saying he wanted to get married (years after this) and I kept believing that (why wouldnt' you believe someone you love and trust?) and I started having a lot of anxiety and stressing about getting engaged because I was afraid he was just comfortable living together and had everything and there was no reason for him to marry me. And evidently I was right because he never married anyone.

 

Yes, her bf might speed up the process if she'd leave him alone about the subject. But he won't propose till he's ready and if he isn't he needs to tell her.

[Mary3]

Yet he spoke of getting married often and told me he was going to propose to me and led me on for a few years until i had enough. I stuck around believing his words even though his actions didnt' match up. He had every excuse, that he didn't have the money, that he wanted it to be a surpise, that he had to plan a great proposal, that he was scared of getting hurt (he came up with that one four years into our relationship and I was like-what! I haven't hurt you so far so how is a ceremony and a piece of paper going to change that?, also he said he wanted to propose on a certain date and it had passed that year so he'd have to wait till next year, or he'd say oh we fight too much (after we argued ONE time in like 6 months) I should have been smart enough to see through his bs. But some days he'd look into my eyes and cuddle with me and tell me how much he loved me and that he WAS planning to marry me and he was going to ask me to get engaged very soon and I'd believe the parts I wanted to hear. So I sort of know where LB's anxiety is coming from. And it can make you crazy.

 

lexi says it best here From what I am reading here my best friend had the SAME guy telling her the SAME lines about blah blah and to me it was a STALL tactic because 3 years later they STILL are NOT married.

 

I mean its fine if marriage is what you want. But you BOTH must want it ! Not going to work with tricks , bribes, threats or ultimatums. NOT going to work !

 

He is TELLING you all these things because he does not WANT to get married OP. Whether it be next year or 12 years, if he accidentally stumbles across a girl he DOES want to marry , you will be greatly dimissed if he feels you are pushing him. Men actually detest being forced into marriage. Not that you are forcing but you nudging is likely going to draw him away from you.

[Kamille]

LB - just accept he's not ready to get married but believe him when he tells you that he will know when the time for the two of you is right. Believe him when he tells you he loves you. Believe him when he tells you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Let him make this decision. Show him you trust him.

[Mary3]

Is marriage that important ? Its important to those who want to get married but how about a man who does not ?

 

Its not a big deal when you see a glistening shiny diamond engagement ring winking at you in the window versus a hot new shiny motorcycle for about 3 grand. If you are a guy and you aren't too keen on marriage right now maybe you pick the bike.

 

I have to wonder how your bf handles money in a time of severe financial turmoil in our country. Sure you both might have great paying jobs but SERIOUSLY no matter who you are right now ( Rich getting poorer with stock crashes ) Or poor getting poorer , or middle class becoming poor working class with over one million job losses...

 

I have to ask. Why a bike RIGHT NOW ?

 

Even if he wanted to marry you I am sure you would steer him to a more affordable ring. Would he have spent 3 K on a ring ? I think a step back on wedding rings and cakes ( meaning a more affordable cake ) is the way to go for weddings nowdays.

 

Just my 2 cents on wedding prices. I would go for a low key wedding with a mild reception where your family puts in some effort . I would cut wherever I could to make an affordable wedding versus a $ 10,000 + wedding..

Later maybe. Right now cheaper ways to get hitched...

[sb129]

When my fiance proposed to me, it was SUCH a surprise that I was shouting it from the rooftops, and everyone was so happy for us.

 

We hadn't been dating for that long (a year) but we are a bit older than you LB, (early 30s).

 

Do you talk about this stuff with all your friends and family alot too LB?

 

Because if you do, I can't help but think that when your BF DOES propose, the reaction from alot of people is going to be "Oh thank goodness, he finally did it." or "about time" or other such reactions that have negative connotations.

 

I know that LS reactions will be of a similar vein, well some of them at least.

 

Is that really what you want? Don't you want everyone to be surprised and happy for you instead of relieved?

[SoFurious]

lol, just wait, although i`m a teenager but i`m familiar to these stuff, hes just saying that cuz he wants to save money for the engagment ring;), so you wont ask him to get anything knowing that hes broke, and gratz for getting engaged

[CandyGirlXO]

lol, just wait, although i`m a teenager but i`m familiar to these stuff, hes just saying that cuz he wants to save money for the engagment ring;), so you wont ask him to get anything knowing that hes broke, and gratz for getting engaged

 

 

If he wanted to save $ on an engagement ring, than he would not have bought a motorcycle.

 

I had an ex once that ALWAYS talked about marriage and proposing. He even once went as far as telling me he was trying to get a hold of my parents so that he could get permission but couldn't get through. He was the one that brought it up most of the time.

 

Then out of the blue he left, no warning. So strange and cruel. Hopefully your BF is being serious about marrying you, because its not fair to string someone along.

 

Maybe think of it this way.... say he wants to wait another 2 years, is that really that bad? I am the same age as you...26 and if you two were to break up, and lets just say you had a new BF right away. You would have to wait at least another 2 years to get to the marriage stage with this new guy. And by then your EX would have probably proposed.

 

So the question is, is he worth the wait? 26 is a hard age IMO to not be in a relationship. Its a pretty hard age to meet someone, considering our college years are over. I have been single for about 9 months and I would consider myself a good catch.