Uncontrollable jealousy - The jealous feelings are unfounded

[kitten1981]

Hi. It's two in the morning and I'm doing research on jealousy and my inability to overcome it.

 

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have dated for three years. Never once has he given me reason to doubt his feelings or loyalties to me. I cheated about a year ago, he found out, and we got over it. At least HE got over it.

 

Now I am irrational and jumpy in our relationship. He is very close friends with a girl his best friend date. This girl has a questionable background and my boyfriend has even called her a slut before.

 

He constantly reassures me that he would never ever do anything with this girl ever due to the fact that his best friend dates her and we are together. However, they are close friends as well. He says she is like one of the guys. On occasions when she has been drunk he allows her to sleep on his couch to avoid a DUI, and I sleep over too with him.

 

I want to know if anyone feels I am being way too jealous and any advice on overcoming this depressing emotion. I'm making myself restless, depressed, non-productive, and basically driving myself nuts. He does not know how jealous or irrational I have really gotten, but I believe he is starting to become frustrated.

 

Please help before I totally ruin a great relationship. I've taken the step of admitting to being overly jealous and now I don't know how to get over it.

 

Thanks a million! - Kitten1981

[bryanp]

Your boyfriend has been loyal and honest toward you during your three year relationship yet you cheated on him during this time. I believe that people who cheat believe that other people have the same type of morals as they have and believe if the opportunity arises everybody will cheat.

It seems like you are projecting your own lack of morals and trust on your boyfriend who has not given you are reason to doubt him. I think the bigger question is to ask yourself why you were cheating on him in the first place and your desire to almost destroy this relationship in the past with your cheating. In short, it is difficult for you to believe that other people will not act the same way you did if the opportunity arises. The truth is that some people respect and truly love their partner and would not engage in cheating which sounds exactly like your boyfriend. Unfortunately for him he did not pick the same type of person as himself to be involved with.

[kitten1981]

Byronp,

 

I really get what you are saying and even though it sounds kinda like you don't want to help, you did. I reallly appreciate your insight. Thanks.

[bryanp]

Kitten:

 

I know my message sounded harsh but it is clear that you "got it." Seriously your boyfriend has been true and loyal to you and clearly loves you very much. Do not allow your insecurities to push him away. I do think it is important to understand what made you not wish to be faithful to him in the past that must have put such a lot of strain in your relationship? I do not think you are the type of person that wishes to self-destruct the relationship because you have been loyal for the past two years. The bottom line is that you have a true and loyal boyfriend that cares for you a great deal and was willing to overcome problems you created in the past. I guess what I am saying is be happy and bless the lucky stars you have a boyfriend who loves and respects you.

If you love him then you will trust in him and make the both of you happy. I am not sure you understand that you are one of the lucky ones. Please make the most of it and don't let your mind and imagination sabatage your great relationship. I wish you luck.

[chizzn]

yea you would ruin a good relationship if you keep doubting his honesty. Most of the time when a man cheats on his woman the chick brings the shizt up every time they get into a fight. Im suprised he didnt shove your past cheat back in your face. Honesty and Communication are two great aspects of any relationship. Dont screw yours up just because hes friends with another girl.