Holidays

[alturrnababe]

Ok well I will get straight to the point on this one.I don't enjoy going to my MIL's house at Christmas time.My husband has a brother, who is 30,and he has a girlfriend.My husband also has a 34 y/o sister who has a live in boyfriend.Neither sibling has children.My husband and I have 3 kids, 16, 7, and 4.The problem is, none of my husband's family has anything to do with us and Christmas is the only time we all see each other.My husband's sister is a teacher and does lots of things with kids from the community or her friend's children, but pays absolutely no attention to my kids, who are her blood relatives.The same goes for my husband's brother.They all live close to us, and I have made repeated attempts over the years to get them involved with the kids.My family sees my children at least once a week and my sister's kids and my kids are all very close.My question is, why does my husband force us to go spend Christmas there every year against my will? It feels uncomfortable and my sister in law even told my husband at one point that she didn't like me.I don't have a problem with them not liking me, as I have a large close family.I just really don't like going there at Christmas time and would much rather spend it with my family!I have even suggested that my husband take the kids over if he really felt the need to do so, but he freaks out if I start saying I don't want to go.I just don't understand why I need to be there every year when they are so indifferent.Any ideas?

[2sure]

First, good for you for acknowledging that they may not like you, and more importantly - that isn't very important in the scheme of things. My ex and his family hate me but love my daughter - so its all fine as far as Im concerned.

 

I agree, the once a year semi interest would be frustrating. Of course, you all see your family often so your husband wants this holidsay to seem "normal" with his family. I get it, but wouldnt like it either. Might be just one of those things you are obligated to do. Go late, have a snack, and leave early.

 

Its possible I suppose, that once his siblings have children of their own, the attitudes will change. More likely, their children will be the center of attention and yours even more left out.

 

Does tradition dictate who has XMas? Any chance you could skip going there one year and instead extend a gracious invitation to host?

[alturrnababe]

Hey, thankyou for replying.Well.We did have them over one year...it was a disaster...my MIL wants to be the center of attention as far as cooking Christmas dinner, and seemed bad tempered throughout the meal.I had worked all day to prepare everything, and as I had suspected, it went un noticed and they behaved the same as always.Like I said, I could honestly care less about them liking me...I have my own family and friends.(my husband gets along well with my family)I just feel like it's ridiculous for us to go there every holiday KNOWING they don't like us.In fact, as I was getting my shoes on to leave one time down by the back door to leave, my SIL didn't know I was still within earshot and she started (negatively) talking about me to my MIL! She felt pretty embarrassed as I came into view.My husband just gets so mad when I don't want to be there.

[SierraRose]

Plan A:

Your husband ought to set the rules straight...You may not like her, you may not agree with her, but if you want us over, then you need to RESPECT her and the fact you are HIS wife... It's a few hours once a year. Now act like adults and put your big girl pants on.

 

My mom gets nuts around the holidays. I mean unbearable. It's horrible when either of us (mainly my brother) brings a "significant other" to holiday gatherings. So, my bro and I have devised a plan that has worked for years (and no, I am NOT joking!) Who ever is bringing the guest to dinner arrives last. The one who flies solo gets there at least an hour ahead and makes SURE mother has some "holiday cheer." I swear, it's works like a charm...

 

This may not work for you, and Plans B and C probably goes against all "healthy advise..."

 

Plan B

Get mother-in-law liquored up

 

Plan C

Take a Valium and not really give a sh*t what anyone says!

 

I swear Holidays are Family Dysfunction at it's best...know u r not alone!

[alturrnababe]

Ha Ha Sierra...your reply made me laugh! Yeah that's a good idea to get MIL drunk and then take valium before going...They think I'm crazy anyway! It's just a weird situation, and I am just getting sick of it after all these years.Sounds like your plan for the holidays works...maybe I should get more creative!

[Geishawhelk]

When your SiL was talking about you, did you say anything?

 

I would have said:

 

"Ah, OK, fine, thanks for that. I know where I stand now.

Next time you feel like saying something of this kind, be so good as to have the courtesy and courage to tell me to my face.

As this is a family, and one of which I am a part, I will always have the courtesty to attend family gatherings.

Just don'rt expect me to be Mrs-Nice-Woman, or to join in willingly. Especially as opinions are now out in the open."

 

I know I would have said this.

Because I HAVE said this.

 

To be completely fair though, my husband-as-was stood up for me and did take my part.

I fully believe that our joint attitudes and joined forces did much to stop this rude behaviour and prevent a recurrence.

[alturrnababe]

That was AWESOME Geisha...! What a kickass way to put someone in their place...so, what happened after you said that? Usually I am pretty good at saying something, but I was just so shocked at hearing it I kinda froze, you know? I will definitely NOT hesitate if it happens again.My husband seems to think I am being a drama queen about the whole thing and tells me to grow up. They even tell my MIL what they want for Christmas from us, I just don't think that is right either.We do buy them very nice gifts,though,and I do that because they buy the kids something nice, but like I said it's only at Christmas, and we never, ever hear from them otherwise, not even on any of the kids' birthdays.(but they celebrate all of theirs together, oddly enough).Maybe I find this all so peculiar because my family is so close? Who knows.