I'm Superficial

[Isolde]

I admit it. And I don't feel good about it.

 

I'm not saying I'm going after pretty boys. I don't and never really have. But I do consistently find myself interested in guys that are above average looking.

 

I'm not saying falling for an average guy would guarantee me happiness. But I just find it frustrating that when my friends find boyfriends, I always feel I would not be attracted to those boyfriends in their place. It makes me angry at myself that I care about something so petty.

 

Are some of us just more "wired" to care about looks than others?

 

I mean, I HAVE liked guys that were far from hot. It's just that they would still be cute, or at least attractive to other women.

 

I wonder if I'll ever get over this. I wonder if I need to get over this or maybe I'm just feeling what I'm meant to feel.

[amaysngrace]

You can't help who you are attracted to. It doesn't make you shallow or superficial because of the way somebody looks or doesn't look. It's your call to make since you are the one who has to look at them.

 

When you say you wouldn't find your friends' BFs attractive is that really just a way to convince yourself not to be jealous of their relationships because you wouldn't want it anyway?

 

But deep down inside maybe you are?

[Isolde]

You can't help who you are attracted to. It doesn't make you shallow or superficial because of the way somebody looks or doesn't look. It's your call to make since you are the one who has to look at them.

 

When you say you wouldn't find your friends' BFs attractive is that really just a way to convince yourself not to be jealous of their relationships because you wouldn't want it anyway?

 

But deep down inside maybe you are?

 

Swear I'm not jealous. Actually, my best friend's BF is pretty nice looking. I just don't personally find him attractive.

[amaysngrace]

About that one question, I didn't know. I just wanted to throw it out there and see where it landed.

 

You can't help who you like. We all have our own choices to make.

 

Like I said it doesn't make you shallow or superficial because you want a guy who looks a certain way. That's being particular and you are very much allowed to be particular.

 

Please don't feel bad about that.

[Isolde]

About that one question, I didn't know. I just wanted to throw it out there and see where it landed.

 

You can't help who you like. We all have our own choices to make.

 

Like I said it doesn't make you shallow or superficial because you want a guy who looks a certain way. That's being particular and you are very much allowed to be particular.

 

Please don't feel bad about that.

 

It's not even that I want someone who looks a certain way, I just want to feel attraction to them. And it just so happens that I'm usually attracted to conventionally cute guys. (For the record, I think most Hollywood actors or guys in clubs are blah. I'm all about the boy next door, the shy, lanky guys...)

[fral945]

Are some of us just more "wired" to care about looks than others?

 

We're all wired to care about looks. Most people factor looks into the equation. What we consider for looks differs, but we are all guilty of it.

 

If you think about it, all senses play a part in attraction to some extent (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste) unless you are missing one of these senses (blind, deaf, etc.). It only makes you human.

 

I wonder if I'll ever get over this. I wonder if I need to get over this or maybe I'm just feeling what I'm meant to feel.

 

Get over what? The fact that you are a normal human being?

[Isolde]

We're all wired to care about looks. Most people factor looks into the equation. What we consider for looks differs, but we are all guilty of it.

 

If you think about it, all senses play a part in attraction to some extent (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste) unless you are missing one of these senses (blind, deaf, etc.). It only makes you human.

 

 

 

Get over what? The fact that you are a normal human being?

 

I know this isn't outside the realm of normal. I just find it weird that I'm much more particular about looks than most girls I know.

[Yamaha]

We usually base our attraction on how we feel about ourselves.

 

The more attractive you are the more you want someone with your same level of attraction, or higher.

[Isolde]

We usually base our attraction on how we feel about ourselves.

 

The more attractive you are the more you want someone with your same level of attraction, or higher.

 

I don't buy that theory because I see so many gorgeous women with hideous guys, and a decent number of good looking men with average looking women. I think different people are just attracted to different types, that's all.

 

It is not that I think I am so great that I need a good looking guy. That is why this bothers me. I think, "Who am I to discriminate based on this?" But--I do. I have liked guys that were not overly attractive, but my strongest crushes have been on the cuties. If you consider shy lanky white guys cuties

[Yamaha]

I don't buy that theory because I see so many gorgeous women with hideous guys, and a decent number of good looking men with average looking women. I think different people are just attracted to different types, that's all.

 

So if a person is ugly and attracted to beauty are they expected to achieve their desire because that is their attraction?

[Isolde]

So if a person is ugly and attracted to beauty are they expected to achieve their desire because that is their attraction?

 

I'm afraid I don't understand your question. Attraction is a strange thing. You can't always predict when it will be mutual.

[Yamaha]

I think most people are attracted to good looking people.

 

There is a level of attraction that appeals to almost everyone.

There are different things that attract us ( personality, body types, etc. ) but you are basing your attraction on looks ( as in cute, good looking ).

 

If you had a shy lanky white guy but he was not facially cute would you still find him attractive?

[Isolde]

I think most people are attracted to good looking people.

 

There is a level of attraction that appeals to almost everyone.

There are different things that attract us ( personality, body types, etc. ) but you are basing your attraction on looks ( as in cute, good looking ).

 

If you had a shy lanky white guy but he was not facially cute would you still find him attractive?

 

That description could be anything from Jabba the Hut to completely dateable. I would need more specifics

[Dexter Morgan]

Well whats gonna happen is you are going to keep going for pretty boys, and these pretty boys know they are pretty boys, so they want to share their prettiness with other women.

 

Then you'll get tired of this and settle for a guy that doesn't feel the need to share himself because he thinks he's god's gift to women, then you'll get a hunger for looks again and do something you shouldn't do.

 

Not saying the nice guys can't be attractive, but you more than likely go for the attractive ones and ignore the other qualities that may be undesireable.

[Yamaha]

What is the first thing that catches your attention in a guy?

[Isolde]

Well whats gonna happen is you are going to keep going for pretty boys, and these pretty boys know they are pretty boys, so they want to share their prettiness with other women.

 

Then you'll get tired of this and settle for a guy that doesn't feel the need to share himself because he thinks he's god's gift to women, then you'll get a hunger for looks again and do something you shouldn't do.

 

Not saying the nice guys can't be attractive, but you more than likely go for the attractive ones and ignore the other qualities that may be undesireable.

 

Did you even read my post? I specifically said I never went for pretty boys, just cute ones (YES there is a difference, pretty boy encompasses a whole mentality, cute is just a physical description). And I never go for like model attractive guys so just relax.

 

You even said if I "settled", I'd cheat (I'm not a cheater, btw). So what exactly is your point?

[Isolde]

What is the first thing that catches your attention in a guy?

 

Smile, average to tall height, skinny, nice eyes with a sparkle, smells good, has at least half a head of hair.

[Yamaha]

Smile, average to tall height, skinny, nice eyes with a sparkle, smells good, has at least half a head of hair.

 

This is what women say they want but if these things don't come in a pleasing looking package would you still want to date him?

 

Remember, you are the one that says your superficial...

[Isolde]

BTW I agree that personality is also a big part of attraction, I'm not stupid or anything. I'm definitely willing to try dating guys I might not be super attracted to at first but there's a limit to how much anyone can do that.

[Isolde]

This is what women say they want but if these things don't come in a pleasing looking package would you still want to date him?

 

Remember, you are the one that says your superficial...

 

Oh, I AM superficial, but those are the most important things.

 

There's always room for forgiveness where physical flaws are concerned--I have flaws and am not ashamed of them. But if the ultimate picture doesn't appeal to me, I'm afraid I have trouble wanting to date the guy.

 

I do NOT set criteria for height, weight, coloring, and so on. That is absurd and pointless because you will just end up breaking those rules, anyway.

[Yamaha]

Oh, I AM superficial, but those are the most important things.

 

There's always room for forgiveness where physical flaws are concerned--I have flaws and am not ashamed of them. But if the ultimate picture doesn't appeal to me, I'm afraid I have trouble wanting to date the guy.

 

Bingo.... Your human.

Learn to accept that you have min requirements in the looks dept.

It doesn't make you a bad person unless that is your sole requirement.

[Isolde]

Yeah. Chemistry is a strange thing.

 

I once went out with this guy who I thought was cute at first, but he smelled really weird... a mix of cig smoke and something else? I don't know. And by the end of the date, I just didn't want to get near him. He was awkward too.

[fral945]

I know this isn't outside the realm of normal. I just find it weird that I'm much more particular about looks than most girls I know.

 

IMO, there is always a segment of each sex that aren't quite wired in the stereotypical ways. IMO I think it happens in the womb or during fetal development, there is a "defect" (for lack of a better word) in the way they become wired.

 

I believe that in general males are wired to be more visually stimulated than women, but that doesn't mean there are women out there who are as visually stimulated, or possibly even moreso. It's just that it is a minority.

 

I've met men who gossip like women and seem to be very emotional like women. But I've also met women who are extremely logical and don't like to shop. As a whole, men and women generally fit the stereotypes. But when you look at individuals, we are all wired just a bit differently and have our own individual quirks. Very few men have all of the stereotypical male qualities and vice versa for women.

[Isolde]

IMO, there is always a segment of each sex that aren't quite wired in the stereotypical ways. IMO I think it happens in the womb or during fetal development, there is a "defect" (for lack of a better word) in the way they become wired.

 

I believe that in general males are wired to be more visually stimulated than women, but that doesn't mean there are women out there who are as visually stimulated, or possibly even moreso. It's just that it is a minority.

 

I've met men who gossip like women and seem to be very emotional like women. But I've also met women who are extremely logical and don't like to shop. As a whole, men and women generally fit the stereotypes. But when you look at individuals, we are all wired just a bit differently and have our own individual quirks. Very few men have all of the stereotypical male qualities and vice versa for women.

 

That sort of makes sense. So... my extreme horniness would be another defect, then?

[fral945]

That sort of makes sense. So... my extreme horniness would be another defect, then?

 

Yep. Luckily, though, I can't imagine many guys would see that as a defect.