Has feelings for two people: He says he just needs some space to sort his life out

[confusedperson]

I have been dating a guy for about 11 years. I am 29 years old and he has been such a significant part of my life. It was really a wierd relationship because we each enjoyed doing our own things but still hung out.

 

Anyway, as time went on, I got confused thinking that maybe I should date other people to see what else is out there. I was just used to him for so many years. So I would like going out with my friends instead of hanging out with him and just having a good time.

 

So I did and found out that he did too. Well, I actually did some snooping and found that he was talking to a girl that he works with who's about 7 years younger than him and actually has a child with no father. So I confronted him and told him how I wasn't happy about it. He said that all they did was talk on the phone and talk about work. Then I noticed the calls were late at night and they would talk for a few hours. It made me crazy and I constantly was mad at him. I guess he found happiness with this girl.

 

I got upset and really jealous and actually drove him away. We broke up for about 4 months and during that time, I realized that I really miss him. I was really unhappy without him. I guess he felt the same because he came back and told me the same. We got back together and I still had doubts because him and this girl still work together. He admitted to me that him and her got together but they couldn't hang out that much because she had a child. So I took him back immediately thinking I was neglecting him the whole time we were together. Our sexual life was pretty bad and I guess things got boring after a while.

 

So I constantly found myself asking what was going on, are they talking at work? I hated the days that they worked together and was going crazy. I even got crazy to the point where I went to the store that they were working in and found him giving her a ride home after work. He was supposed to meet me the same night and said that she had to take the bus so he offered a ride and that was is.

 

Well he admitted to me that he still had feelings for this girl and misses talking to her. He gets very moody and was yelling at me saying I really don't want to discuss this girl anymore. I guess she was still calling him and telling him she missed him also.

 

So now I am torn, he tells me that he has deep feelings for me and see's himself having a future with me. But he isn't completely over this other girl. He thinks it's a bad thing, but knows he wants me in his life and see's himself with me. But his feelings for this girl are still there. I think he is sad not talking to her anymore and she is too.

 

I don't know how to react to this. I am empty without him and scared to let him go. It's gotten to the point where I call him multliple times to see if he's going to be on the phone with her.

 

I know I really do love him but I hate his moodiness. Should I be there for him and help him get over this girl. Or just walk away and let him do it on his own. I guess my bringing it up all the time, doesn't help him get over her.

 

He says he just needs some space to sort his life out but I don't think he is going to get anywhere if they still work together. She tells him how she is switching her schedule to not work with him anymore but she never does.

 

It's like he wants to get over her but isn't yet. Do you think he really could? And should I be in his life or not. He is really messed up and doesn't even desire sex. I find that really odd also.

 

I don't want him to be with me because he feels bad for me but he has said that his feelings for me are strong and wants to be with me.

 

I think he is being honest but I'm not sure what to do.

 

Thanks.

[clia]

It's gotten to the point where I call him multliple times to see if he's going to be on the phone with her.

 

Stop this, and stop all the snooping.

 

It's not surprising to me that he doesn't feel like he's over her. You are being a pain in his arse by bringing this up ad nauseum. If you don't trust him, end things. That's all you can do. If you do trust him, stop dwelling on this and move on with your relationship. Right now that other girl is looking pretty good to him--I doubt she's harping on him and snooping the way you are.

 

If I were you, I'd walk away and let him deal with this and figure it out on his own. You have NOTHING to lose by walking away. If he decides she's the one for him, then so be it. You will find someone else. If he decides you are the one for him, then he has thought it through and made his decision.

[confusedperson]

Thanks for replying. I really think I needed someone to just tell me that to open my eyes up. You are right in everything you are saying.

 

He told me he has thought it through and wants to work this relationship out. So I have to not mention it anymore and just trust him otherwise it can't work. I have to not mention it at all.

 

Thanks.