taylor Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 I started a new job this week. 90% of the workforce is male. I work in a non-clerical department with 10 women. We interact with the men intermittently throughout the day as the job requires. During a tour of the facility, I was taken into the lunchroom. It was awesome...carpetted, a string of microwaves, a few refrigerators, a line of vending machines, very clean. The lunchroom also had a ping pong table, some pin ball machines and foozball table. I was impressed. What an inviting lunchroom!!! Anyways, when lunchtime came, all the women in the department grabbed their lunches and headed for the locker room/bathroom to eat their lunches. They also took their breaks in there. I felt so uncomfortable...sitting on a bench eating lunch in a 12 foot square locker room, watching women going into bathroom stalls to do their business. Why would these women not eat in the cafeteria? Is this wierd? Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Erh, I'd say it's weird. Perhaps they see the lunchroom as the thing for guys or something? Bit of a waste to not use it imo. I wouldn't want to sit close by the bathroom with my lunch. :S. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Wow. Very Bad. It sounds as though: The men are considered executives and the women are not. Are the men sales reps - making the company money and the women sales support - a necessary expense? Speaks volumes. I'm sure the women are not technically banned from the lunchroom, but obviously there is an unspoken agreement. Which speaks VOLUMES. If the women cant even eat lunch in the same room (or the support staff regardless of gender) - chances for moving up in that company are nil. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Maybe they are afraid the men wont like them when they kick their asses @ foosball! Link to post Share on other sites
Author taylor Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 Maybe they are afraid the men wont like them when they kick their asses @ foosball! OMG, thanks for the laugh Lovestruck. Not too experienced at foosball but can play a pretty mean game of ping pong. Been known to "take down" a few men with a wildly misguided ping pong ball to just the right spot! (lol) Link to post Share on other sites
Author taylor Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 Wow. Very Bad. It sounds as though: The men are considered executives and the women are not. Are the men sales reps - making the company money and the women sales support - a necessary expense? Speaks volumes. I'm sure the women are not technically banned from the lunchroom, but obviously there is an unspoken agreement. Which speaks VOLUMES. If the women cant even eat lunch in the same room (or the support staff regardless of gender) - chances for moving up in that company are nil. I get this same impression 2sure. The men are skilled at their trades. They make the products that sell. The women are educated but play a support role. The implied gender bias in this seemingly progressive, cutting-edge company really took me by surprise. Now that I think of it...the only woman in management or supervision for this company is the HR Director...so your conclusion about job advancement seems to be absolutely correct. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 why not ask one of the ladies why they prefer to eat in the bathroom.... maybe the sound of running water is soothing. then ask one of the guys why the ladies eat their lunches in the bathroom. i would eat out in my car Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Yes, ask the women why they do this odd thing. If they were told to do it, I would find another job. There's no way I would eat in a locker room or bathroom. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Yes, ask the women why they do this odd thing. If they were told to do it, I would find another job. There's no way I would eat in a locker room or bathroom. i know.... really! is this in the US? hahaha...probably texas! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 i know.... really! is this in the US? hahaha...probably texas! You know the saying "Don't crap where you eat", about dating in your workplace? This thread needs the reverse saying "Don't eat where you crap"! Link to post Share on other sites
MystifiedOne Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Surely the cafeteria is provided by the company for the use of ALL employees? It's not exactly the same as a company having an executive diningroom is it? If not, they would be leaving themselves wide open for a discrimination suit. Perhaps you should bring it up with HR? I second previous posters in that there is no way I would eat in bathroom fgs Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Why don't you just go eat in the cafeteria? Link to post Share on other sites
Author taylor Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 Why don't you just go eat in the cafeteria? I would like to but... I also want to establish a rapport with these women I work closely with. I'm afraid they will think I have some kind of attitude if I choose to eat in the fancy cafeteria while they eat in the bathroom. Also, I'd be the only woman eating in the cafeteria in the midst of about 90 men. Very uncomfortable. I thought of eating in my car but...too cold now where I live and big risk of being considered snobby I think. What a strange thing to have to deal with. These women apparently don't mind eating in the bathroom but it makes me feel like a second class citizen/employee. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 I would like to but... I also want to establish a rapport with these women I work closely with. I'm afraid they will think I have some kind of attitude if I choose to eat in the fancy cafeteria while they eat in the bathroom. Stop right there. These women eat their lunches in a bathroom and you are caring what they think about YOU? OMG. Can't you just get one or two women who you like enough and convince them to eat in the cafeteria with you? Because eating in a bathroom is pretty gross? And if they say no ask two more? Link to post Share on other sites
Author taylor Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 Stop right there. These women eat their lunches in a bathroom and you are caring what they think about YOU? OMG. Can't you just get one or two women who you like enough and convince them to eat in the cafeteria with you? Because eating in a bathroom is pretty gross? And if they say no ask two more? Yes, I do care, because these are the women who I have to work with all day. I don't want to be the odd person out. Aside from this group of women, there aren't many opportunities to get close to any of the other employees. Like I said, we work in the same department and it is pretty well-contained. I asked one of the women why they choose to eat in the bathroom. She said it's because they can "be themselves" in there...no bosses around, etc. If I had some nerve, I'd just go to the cafeteria, sit down by myself and eat my lunch. Maybe someone will come along and strike up a conversation with me. I'll just tell these women I like their company but prefer to take my lunch in the cafeteria. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 If I had some nerve, I'd just go to the cafeteria, sit down by myself and eat my lunch. Maybe there are one or two women who feel as you do -- if/when you do decide to take a stand for yourself (and all women everywhere ), make the announcement in the er, "girls' cafeteria" and perhaps you'll inspire someone else to liberate herself, too! Something like, "I love you girls' company but it doesn't help my digestion eating in here...anyone want to join me in the cafeteria?" Do it...be courageous...be the leader of any of those poor women who can't lead themselves! Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 taylor, you have to ask yourself what kind of work environment causes a group of women to hide in a bathroom to have lunch. Why do these women feel they can't be themselves when management is around? What are they being judged by or what are they paranoid about? Can any of these women bring up examples of times they felt uncomfortable or is this just one of those habitual things that morphed from when one woman had a feeling of discomfort? Tread lightly, because you're new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author taylor Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 taylor, you have to ask yourself what kind of work environment causes a group of women to hide in a bathroom to have lunch. Why do these women feel they can't be themselves when management is around? What are they being judged by or what are they paranoid about? Can any of these women bring up examples of times they felt uncomfortable or is this just one of those habitual things that morphed from when one woman had a feeling of discomfort? Tread lightly, because you're new. This is exactly what I have been asking myself. At first I jumped to the conclusion that it was some kind of "good old boy's" club mentality and then wondered if there was some kind of subtle sexual harassment that went on in the cafeteria. It does appear they are hiding and in the lowest of low places. But I still don't quite understand it...why they would choose to take their lunch and breaks in a bathroom over a clean, inviting cafeteria. A woman told me today her husband would prefer she not eat lunch in a cafeteria full of men. Would he rather she eat in a bathroom???? I don't know how much longer I can or want to tolerate this situation. I still don't want to eat "alone" in the cafeteria and eating in the bathroom is not getting any more enjoyable. I think this arrangement has existed for a long time. Everyone there is used to it. I don't want to comply with this arrangement because I feel I am worth more...but if I don't comply I am rocking the boat and that is never a good thing for a newcomer to do, like you said, TBF. I may just have to start a new job search. Sad, because I thought I found a good one, otherwise. You know, when I first posted this thread I was curious to see if anyone would post saying, "What's so odd about that. We do that at our company, too." But no one has...so I guess I wasn't out in left field somewhere for feeling a little disturbed by all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author taylor Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 taylor, you have to ask yourself what kind of work environment causes a group of women to hide in a bathroom to have lunch. Why do these women feel they can't be themselves when management is around? What are they being judged by or what are they paranoid about? Can any of these women bring up examples of times they felt uncomfortable or is this just one of those habitual things that morphed from when one woman had a feeling of discomfort? Tread lightly, because you're new. This is exactly what I have been asking myself. At first I jumped to the conclusion that it was some kind of "good old boy's" club mentality and then wondered if there was some kind of subtle sexual harassment that went on in the cafeteria. It does appear they are hiding and in the lowest of low places. But I still don't quite understand it...why they would choose to take their lunch and breaks in a bathroom over a clean, inviting cafeteria. A woman told me today her husband would prefer she not eat lunch in a cafeteria full of men. Would he rather she eat in a bathroom???? I don't know how much longer I can or want to tolerate this situation. I still don't want to eat "alone" in the cafeteria and eating in the bathroom is not getting any more enjoyable. I think this arrangement has existed for a long time. Everyone there is used to it. I don't want to comply with this arrangement because I feel I am worth more...but if I don't comply I am rocking the boat and that is never a good thing for a newcomer to do, like you said, TBF. I may just have to start a new job search. Sad, because I thought I found a good one, otherwise. You know, when I first posted this thread I was curious to see if anyone would post saying, "What's so odd about that. We do that at our company, too." But no one has...so I guess I wasn't out in left field somewhere for feeling a little disturbed by all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 A woman told me today her husband would prefer she not eat lunch in a cafeteria full of men. Would he rather she eat in a bathroom???? Whoah, some strange dynamics going on at this place. Yes, I would also start looking for another job. There's got to be a reason for this type of segregation, whether it's in the minds of the women, men or both, who work there. It's not conducive to a healthy work environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Knowing me , I would walk into the cafeteria and just enjoy my lunch. Eating in or near a bathroom stall could NEVER be done because I have a weak stomach. Plus I like to cross the line of the norm. If its * normal * to eat near a toilet then let me do the opposite and EAT in a common dining room where everyone is ALLOWED to eat but few fear to sit down in there. I also think that unless they make it a unisex dining area then ALL the creature comforts should be removed and toilets installed near the MEN to eat while somebody has a bowel movement. Don't mess with us ! Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Plus I like to cross the line of the norm. If its * normal * to eat near a toilet then let me do the opposite and EAT in a common dining room where everyone is ALLOWED to eat but few fear to sit down in there. Don't mess with us ! okay, but I have to warn you... dating asian males is not the norm I assure you Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 okay, but I have to warn you... dating asian males is not the norm I assure you I've dated asian males . They are pretty cool and peace loving. My only complaint is they don't like to munch on the salad bar lol Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I've dated asian males . They are pretty cool and peace loving. My only complaint is they don't like to munch on the salad bar lol I'd say they are generally peacfull and productive but otherwise fierce and determined considering results of the major wars of the last century. Munching on the salad bar? No problems there. Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 its because if they are in the cafe they will be asked to do things Link to post Share on other sites
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