Career VS Family

[Touche]

Touche, read what I just posted. Just for you, I'm going to blanket my friends to find out what's normal for tantrums. I suspect that if you were accustomed to a lot or even daily tantrums, there was some serious restrictions on this child. Let me guess, you spanked him when he had a tantrum.

 

I read it, TBF. Please ask your friends, ok? I think the article is ridiculous. Is that source so reliable anyway?

 

And to be perfectly honest, our son was never a big tantrum thrower...yes, he was VERY willful and sometimes threw multiple trantrums in a day and then nothing for a long while. I mean it wasn't a regular thing. But when it happened we knew it was normal.

 

And nope...we NEVER spanked him for temper tantrums. We put him in time out and told him to talk to us in a normal voice when he came out. We've hardly ever spanked him. The only time we ever have was when he was between 5 or 6 and about 10. And that was only for some serious stuff like in cases where he was in danger of hurting himself (running across the street or running off in a store where we couldn't find him.) Oh and if he was ever mouthy or disrespectful. We have zero tolerance for that.

 

Again, it would worry me if a kid at 2 or 3 wasn't asserting themselves. And yes, that usually means a temper tantrum at that age.

 

Our son will never give in to peer pressure. At this age some of the kids are already smoking and drinking and just genearally giving in to peer pressure in other destructive ways. He won't. He not only has a healthy sense of what the consequences would be but he's very much his OWN person. He always has been..because we've allowed him to be. We never stifled that in him. And sending him in timeout for temper tantrums wasn't our way of stifling him. We just taught him to redirect his frustrations.

 

I think when a parent isn't around much, the child is too scared to be themselves. They want to please too much. And those are the ones who are susceptible to being led...and often led astray. They want to please and to belong. They're often insecure. A child like that would be too scared to assert themselves in the form of a temper tantrum..or in any other way. They're the ones to be concerned about.

[Trialbyfire]

Then Touche, don't tell me that I haven't been around 2 - 3 year olds. I've probably been around far, far more than you have. Your exposure is one, read it, one 2 year old, 24x7. That's no way to gauge normal behaviour for a child.

 

Tantrums are expressions of frustration. If a child is having four a day, it's a serious issue, as I expressed, which you negated, then backpedaled.

 

Any child who's having four, even if it's once a week, is too restricted in some way, whether it's with insufficient choice or it's a mother who's too busy cooking, cleaning or lounging around, to pay attention to her child.

[Dumbledore]

Temper tantrums can be a normal and common part of early childhood,

The authors suggest that parents need not worry

Instead, they should pay attention to “tantrum styles”

Having 10 separate tantrums on a single day at home may just be a bad day,

It’s normal for healthy preschool kids to have extreme tantrums

http://drgreene.blogs.com/drgreenecom/2007/12/temper-tantrums.html

[Touche]

Then Touche, don't tell me that I haven't been around 2 - 3 year olds. I've probably been around far, far more than you have. Your exposure is one, read it, one 2 year old, 24x7. That's no way to gauge normal behaviour for a child.

 

Haha! Where do you come up with this stuff? I'm 14 years older than you! I've been around many, many more toddlers than you have. I guarantee it. I started babysitting when I was 12. Not to mention my younger cousins and my after-school care jobs. You're so funny with your assumptions.

 

Tantrums are expressions of frustration. If a child is having four a day, it's a serious issue, as I expressed, which you negated, then backpedaled.

 

Nope. I never backpedaled. I think it's normal even though our son never had that many a day every day. That's what I said. How is that "backpedalling?"

 

Any child who's having four, even if it's once a week, is too restricted in some way, whether it's with insufficient choice or it's a mother who's too busy cooking, cleaning or lounging around, to pay attention to her child.

 

Again...bull. You have absolutely no basis in saying this. It's pure speculation on your part. It's total nonsense and it's ridiculous. Clearly you don't know much about children.

 

[Touche]

http://drgreene.blogs.com/drgreenecom/2007/12/temper-tantrums.html

 

Thank you.

 

And to add...usually when our child would have more than the usual tantrum here and there, it was because he was over-stimulated with activities that day and/or didn't get enough sleep.

[Trialbyfire]

Again...bull. You have absolutely no basis in saying this. It's pure speculation on your part. It's total nonsense and it's ridiculous. Clearly you don't know much about children.

 

As much basis as you posting this...

 

Get real Touche.

 

I think when a parent isn't around much, the child is too scared to be themselves. They want to please too much. And those are the ones who are susceptible to being led...and often led astray. They want to please and to belong. They're often insecure. A child like that would be too scared to assert themselves in the form of a temper tantrum..or in any other way. They're the ones to be concerned about.

[Touche]

Tantrums are expressions of frustration.

 

And I wanted to also address this. You're right here. If a child isn't expressing frustration by the time they're 2 or 3 something is seriously wrong. As I recall this is developmentally a time when they become more aware of themselves and the fact that they're actual separate beings from their moms and dads.

 

That's where the frustration comes from...they're trying to establish a little bit of independence and they begin to have a sense of self.

 

It would have really worried me if our son hadn't reached that developmental milestone.

 

A child who is very accommodating and never displays any frustration or anger about anything would be a child you should REALLY be concerned about. They're either being abused or they're being neglected. Or perhaps both. Or maybe they have Aperger's or are autistic...not sure. But it wouldn't be normal that's for sure.

 

I know kids.

[Trialbyfire]

A child who is very accommodating and never displays any frustration or anger about anything would be a child you should REALLY be concerned about. They're either being abused or they're being neglected. Or perhaps both. Or maybe they have Aperger's or are autistic...not sure. But it wouldn't be normal that's for sure.

How did you move to this extreme, as in none? Every child goes through some kind of tantrum phase. This is normal.

 

Any child who goes through a lot of tantrums, such as four a day or even once a week, four a day, needs something he/she's not getting. The tantrum phase should be very short-lived for well-balanced children, if their needs are being met by the parents.

[Touche]

As much basis as you posting this...

 

Get real Touche.

 

I'm very real. Are you? Look around.

 

You really think that you have more credibility on this subject than I do?

 

Please, just come back here when you've had your own kid, ok? THEN and only THEN will I take what you have to say on this subject with any seriousness.

 

I mean this is just silly now.

[Touche]

How did you move to this extreme, as in none? Every child goes through some kind of tantrum phase. This is normal.

 

Any child who goes through a lot of tantrums, such as four a day or even once a week, four a day, needs something he/she's not getting. The tantrum phase should be very short-lived for well-balanced children, if their needs are being met by the parents.

 

Once again, I think you took SB's comments too literally. Yes, there are times a child might have 4 temper tantrums in a day. But if it's 4 a day every single day..yep, I think there's a problem.

 

Actually it looks like you're backpedalling now.

 

Oh and yeah...our son's temper tantrum days were very short-lived. But you were acting like it was abnormal for them to have them at all...backpedalling.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm very real. Are you? Look around.

 

You really think that you have more credibility on this subject than I do?

 

Please, just come back here when you've had your own kid, ok? THEN and only THEN will I take what you have to say on this subject with any seriousness.

 

I mean this is just silly now.

Credibility? Is that what it's about with you? Looking good on the Internet?

 

If that's all it is to you, then yes, it truly is ridiculous.

 

The entire topic is disturbing, in that people want to stereotype women due to personal preferences and choices. That women can only be good mothers if they're SAHMs. Complete and utter bunk.

[Dumbledore]

There are some self-appointed "experts" on this thread that would have us believe that children should be perfect angels, lest they have their disposition "corrected" by being drugged up to their eyeballs in ADHD medication.

 

Readers would do well to digest the article I posted - it clearly states that 5 or more outside the home is the baseline for initial concern. And this number is obviously conservative. A child having, say, 4 tantrums will likely have most of these (proportionately) within the home environment, so you can see how some of the numbers bandied about on this thread as being abnormal are patently ridiculous.

 

Sadly, this is a trend. Less and less children are allowed to discover their inner assertiveness, and grow up developmentally stunted. Parents need to be much better informed than some of the non-parents on this thread, who are dispensing spurious advice.

[Touche]

Credibility? Is that what it's about with you? Looking good on the Internet?

 

Not at all. But for you to act like you are more knowledgeable in this area is ludicrous without first hand knowledge.

 

If that's all it is to you, then yes, it truly is ridiculous.

 

The entire topic is disturbing, in that people want to stereotype women due to personal preferences and choices. That women can only be good mothers if they're SAHMs. Complete and utter bunk.

 

I never said that. Maybe some working moms can be adequate mothers but they can't be GREAT mothers.

 

I'm not stereotyping anyone. I'm just saying that those mothers or fathers who don't HAVE to work full time and do are not putting their priorities in the right place. I stand by that.

[sb129]

I am 31, and WB is 34. More than ready I think!

 

Thanks for the compliments.

[Touche]

There are some self-appointed "experts" on this thread that would have us believe that children should be perfect angels, lest they have their disposition "corrected" by being drugged up to their eyeballs in ADHD medication.

 

Readers would do well to digest the article I posted - it clearly states that 5 or more outside the home is the baseline for initial concern. And this number is obviously conservative. A child having, say, 4 tantrums will likely have most of these (proportionately) within the home environment, so you can see how some of the numbers bandied about on this thread as being abnormal are patently ridiculous.

 

Sadly, this is a trend. Less and less children are allowed to discover their inner assertiveness, and grow up developmentally stunted. Parents need to be much better informed than some of the non-parents on this thread, who are dispensing spurious advice.

 

I know you're not a parent but wow...exactly. Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

Someone who "gets it."

 

Thank you.

[Trialbyfire]

I never said that. Maybe some working moms can be adequate mothers but they can't be GREAT mothers.

 

I'm not stereotyping anyone. I'm just saying that those mothers or fathers who don't HAVE to work full time and do are not putting their priorities in the right place. I stand by that.

Yes, that's right. To be a GREAT mom, you have to show your children how well you can wash the floor.

[Touche]

I am 31, and WB is 34. More than ready I think!

 

Thanks for the compliments.

 

You're welcome, SB. I meant every word.

 

You do sound more than ready....and more importantly, able.

 

Do you have names picked out?

 

We picked Lillie for a girl but we had a boy. I was so thrilled to name our son after my father who died when I was 4.

[sb129]

Just to add to the discussion- I think you can be a great mum and work- I think if you get the balance right, you can be a fantastic role model for your children and promote ideas of equality and a good work ethic.

 

Yes we have discussed names, but we are keeping those to ourselves lest some of our friends get ideas! (I have several friends who are pregnant).....

[Trialbyfire]

I agree sb, that you can be "the best" mom, while working.

 

I was chatting with my snowman about this and he's also in agreement. He loves children and would gladly do his 50% to raise a family. Just another check mark on my list of criteria.

[Touche]

Yes, that's right. To be a GREAT mom, you have to show your children how well you can wash the floor.

 

Yep, that's what it's about, TBF. You get it! Wow.

 

Un-real.

 

Nope. It's not about showing your kids how well you wash the floor.

 

It's about sooooo much more than that.

 

I remember washing the floor when our son was a toddler. I'd let him squirt the soap stuff on the floor (that was before Swiffer pads!) He'd get the biggest kick out of doing that. We'd laugh and laugh as he squirted the detergent out on the floor and it would emit a rude noise.

 

I'd look at him and pretend I was making that same rude noise..it would send him into hysterics. And then he'd do it too and we'd both laugh!

 

I know that's silly and not very "educational" but we used to have fun moments like that ALL the time...some were opportunities to teach him stuff and sometimes it was just silly things like that.

 

And that's why now, as an almost teen, he can come to me and talk to me about anything. I'm very, very proud of that.

 

The bond we created just "washing floors" and dumb stuff like that, can NEVER be duplicated, replicated any other way.

 

No amount of "quality time" after working an 8 hour day can compare.

 

You couldn't pay me any amount of money to take that time back.

 

I can't imagine what job would be so great that you would give up those precious and priceless moments. I mean our son will be 13 soon and I still smile thinking about those times.

 

I feel badly for those parents who whether by circumstance or choice, will never have the memories that I do.

 

So you see, it's not just about "washing floors." It's about SO much more than that.

 

I hope one day that you'll be lucky enough to find that out for yourself.

[Touche]

Just to add to the discussion- I think you can be a great mum and work- I think if you get the balance right, you can be a fantastic role model for your children and promote ideas of equality and a good work ethic.

 

Yes we have discussed names, but we are keeping those to ourselves lest some of our friends get ideas! (I have several friends who are pregnant).....

 

That's a big IF, isn't it?

 

And I hope your guy is willing to do more than 50%. Because when you raise kids together, if you're not doing 100% each, you're not doing too well by your children.

[sb129]

But you said you have been a working mom too Touche? When was that?

[Dumbledore]

And I hope your guy is willing to do more than 50%. Because when you raise kids together, if you're not doing 100% each, you're not doing too well by your children.

Exactly! All parents need to be fully invested. Nothing less than 100% will do. Being a parent isn't a part-time responsibility.

[sb129]

My guy is willing to be a parent 100%- but ONE of us has to go out to work. So one of us is going to miss out on all the potential special moments

 

The hours I work mean that I won't miss much of my childrens day, and I will also be able to provide for them- and my husband will do the same thing. Luckily we both have jobs that don't require us to be there late nights or weekends.

 

I can easily go down to working 2-3 days a week and build it back up.

[Dumbledore]

My guy is willing to be a parent 100%- but ONE of us has to go out

Get the nanny to do it. Pretty much anything can be ordered online these days.