Paris Lover?????

[Charly55]

Hi. I am new to this site and would love some help or advice. I spent some time in an artistic workshop this summer in Paris. For me, this trip was a dream come true and nice break from my current job. I took 8 weeks off from my current boyfriend (who I have lived with for 4 years). We recently moved across the country together and it has been hard away from all our friends. We often feel stuck together...so the break was a relief.

 

My boyfriend and I have always been best friends and are ex-roomates...so we have lived togther longer than we have been committed. Sometimes I wonder if the romance is there or if we really just make a "great team" (and we do!)

 

In Paris, I had a great group of artistic friends whom I could relate to on an intellectual and creative level. One of these people, I really connected with and developed a 6 week friendship with. We were both instantly drawn to each other..it was electric! I feel like I may have met my intellectual soulmate. He is extremely creative, smart, funny, polite....a bit shy...and romantic. He is really nervous around women...never had a real girlfriend, etc. But an extremely talented man who is enrolled in a world renowed school for his "art" and will probably be very big someday! No joke.

 

Well, after a 6 week crush, the moment arrived. It was perfect...straight out of a film....me running up the stairs of an underground bar, him following after me. The nervous pacing and squirming and finally him admitting that he really wanted to kissed me. Me with my back pressed against the alleyway...and oh yeah...the streets of Paris! So we kissed for awhile...that was all. He held my hand and walked me home.

 

On my last night, we watched an old French film projected on the wall and held hands...just a hug and a simple kiss goodbye...but very magical. We live in the same state...but 6 hours away. And oh yeah...he's seven years younger than me! He wanted to keep in touch...I really do think he felt the magic too. I don't think I have ever been so drawn to somone ever!

 

So I told my boyfriend what happened because I would never want lie or decieve him. I did withhold the "soulmate" stuff because that would just hurt. He seems to be ok with it.

 

Now I can't get this sweet guy out of my head and I feel guilty about that. I also haven't slept with my boyfriend since I got home (almost a month)...I don't have a desire to right now.

 

Should I break up with my boyfriend of four years? Am I having an almost turning 30 crisis? Was it just Paris and this is all in my head? Help please!!!

 

Charly

[moimeme]

You definitely got yourself a dilemma. Only you can decide if you can face the thought of life without your BF.

Are you thinking that you'll go back to Paris? Has the other guy contacted you at all? Have you tried to rekindle the flame with the BF or is it just not worth it to you now?

 

There is a lot to be said for being a 'great team' with someone but if the thought of a life with him doesn't fill you with happiness, then it may well be time to make the break.

[Travellin' gal]

Be a little careful before you make any drastic moves. I would try to separate the issues, too.

 

Are you not happy with your boyfriend of four years? is one issue.

 

The other is: should you pursue something with someone who is substantially younger than you, lives a pretty good chunk of land away, and whom you've only known for a little more than a month?

 

Now, imagine yourself in your town with this guy you met in Paris. Imagine the day to day stuff. There is no underground bar...no b&w film playing on the wall...no Seine to stroll by...no general crazy experiences of being a foreigner in Paris, etc. He's shy around your friends. He has annoying habits you never noticed in Paris. Plus: he's 23. AND he's never had a real girlfriend. You're not likely to get a commitment from him.

 

Is it still as exciting? Note that in your message, a lot of your feelings about him are intertwined with the experience of being in Paris.

 

I've kind of been there. I met a guy when I was an exchange student (also in an awesomely romantic city). I've seen him again since then and I realize now that, while he was very cute and fun, at least 50% of the magic was part of the atmosphere of just being far away from the reality of home. Smootching outside of castles, walking along the riverbank late at night, the smells of a big city, riding the metro...ahhh. I couldn't get him out of my head for a long, long time (it helped that he was from that country and not from my same state, though). He was fun to dream about...but since then he's done jail time for selling drugs and I would no longer be interested. cough cough.

 

Also, bear in mind that 30 is not the end of the world. No point in worrying, it'll just bring you wrinkles and grey hair. At 29 I had already mapped my future of movie rentals, cats and talking to my plants. Then moments after turning 30 I met my husband and we got married a few months ago. If you're really not that into your BF anymore, let him go, but I wouldn't dump him strictly on the basis of an overseas summer romance.

to recap:

1 forget about being 29

2 really think long and hard about how you feel about your BF, and remember to be kind to him if you decide to cut him loose

3 try to be really realistic about the art student

4 imagine your BF had been with you in Paris. Would that have helped your relationship?

5 Best wishes to you.