I broke up with her, but regret breaking up...can I get her back?

[getbackwithex]

Sorry this is long....

 

I dated this girl who worked at the same company as me for about 4 months. Going into the relationship I was nervous because of the work dating thing, but we hit it off and I thought I would give it a shot. She worked on a different floor and I didn't see her everyday and it was working out great, but then she decided to move into my department.

 

I was okay with that however, I was anticipating getting a promotion and our HR department frowned on office relationships, especially since she was an assistant and I was above her in the chain of command.

 

From the beginning of the relationship I mentioned this several times that it might be an issue. I kept telling myself the job is why you are here, not love. I was also going through some tough times. I wasn't 100% sure I was getting the promotion and if it didn't happen I would have been fired....it's was that kind of company.

 

For 5 years it's all I knew and wanted and didn't really date anyone because of the stress and work load. But then she came into the picture and I got scared and thought you need to end this before it becomes to complicated or what if you have to move or something?

 

I didn't want to hurt myself I guess you could say. The promotion happened and afterwards I realized I had made a huge mistake.

 

I realized I love this girl, but I didn't know what to do. I tried to let it go and move on, thinking she has done the same.

 

Several months passed and I finally decided to reach out to her so I told her that I made a horrible mistake, told her how I really felt and asked to give it another try. She of course said she just wanted to be friends. I kept my distance because I was really hurting. I know she saw my pain on a couple of occasions, but I left her alone out of respect knowing that would only push her away more if I bugged her.

 

Then one day out of the blue she asked me how I was doing on instant messenger while at work. We chatted briefly and a week or two later I got the courage to ask her to go on a hike.

 

We did that and she also came to my best friends house for dinner one night, just as friends. Since my initial confession of love, I NEVER brought up getting back together or anything and over the next couple of months she was warming up a little. Random instant messages, smiles, etc.

 

But all of a sudden I am getting the cold shoulder and I don't know why exactly. I heard there was a rumor going around about me that I was dating this other girl who also worked in the department. It wasn't true, but I know she heard about it. I tried a few more times to chat or hang out as friends, but she would only respond with one word answers.

 

After a couple weeks of that I knew something was wrong. A mutual friend had lunch with her and asked about me, and she said that she was leaving me alone because she didn't want to give me the wrong impression.

 

I don't understand why now? How come she was speaking to me, hanging out, etc. before, but all of a sudden now she thinks I need some time to heal? Why didn't that happen at the beginning? I know for a fact that she hasn't dated anyone since we broke up and isn't now. I know the chances of getting back together are almost none and I haven't really spoken to her since it became obvious she doesn't want to speak to me, but I still miss her.

 

What do you think I should do if anything? My gut says leave her alone, but I was told that my instincts suck (the break up was WRONG) so should I continue to reach out to her as a friend? Should I lay it all on the line and talk about getting back together?

 

I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

[Angel1111]

Why not just ask her directly why she's been so distant? If she tells you the same thing she told the other person, then let her know that you weren't getting the wrong impression but that, yes, if there was a chance to get her back, it would make you happy. But you need to also let her know that you're happy to just be her friend. The reason you want to say that is because that friendship opens the door for you to talk to her and get her back.

 

I do believe that you can get her back if the two of you loved one another before and had a good relationship. But she has tucked those feelings safely away because you probably blind-sided her with the break-up and you have to get her trust back. Persistence is the key here - without being irritating. It's a fine balance but it can be done. You might want to read the book 'Love Tactics' because it has some good info (they also have a website). I don't agree with everything they say - like you can get anyone with those tactics - but they do work extremely well in situations where people have chemistry or once had a great relationship.

[getbackwithex]

I would ask her, but I still don't want to come across as being pushy. Plus, I would rather not simply send her a txt or an email again, because that seems a little weak to me. I'd rather speak to her in person rather than on the phone (if she would even pick up my call). I just don't know when I will ever have the right moment or opportunity to bring it up.

 

Yesterday we did cross paths and both smiled at each other and said hello, so it's not like she is completely ignoring me. Also, she is going up to my friends house again to bake cookies with his mother and I thought that might be a good opportunity, but I sort of think if I show up it will be like I'm stalking her or something. I mean I'm very close to this family and am there all the time, but my friend will not be there so I don't know what she will think of that.

 

Also, I've heard from mutual friends that she is having a tough time with work and is rethinking her own life a little bit, trying to find herself a little. I understand it's been frustrating so I don't want to add to that.

 

We definitely had a good relationship and chemistry, and I did blind sider her with the break up. I do think we will become closer over time, but I just don't know if I need to act now, or be patient.

 

Thanks for the input.