BREAK UP OR NOT- what do you think - grinding

[alondra78]

I know this is long but please read and respond i need as many opinions as possible!!

 

So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years long distance. It has come to my attention through my gf that throughout the first year, (we dont go to school together, im in new jersey, she is in wisconsin) she would go out to clubs and bars and grind dance. Now in my mind, grinding, no matter how inapropriate, is completely wrong in a serious relationship. She says that when she grinded, she did not ever think it was sexual, and did not grind inapropriately she just grinded/danced (with guys) because that is how she was used to dancing and never thought of it being wrong. It has been many months later since we have initially fought about this, but the way i see it is that there is no way my girlfriend in a serious relationship with me can just grind her ass on other guys throughout a whole year of our relationship and still be together. She told me that looking back she now understands after talking that she thinks it was wrong. But i think she may be lying because she always knew it was wrong. How can you not think grinding is sexual and wrong if you have a serious boyfriend?

 

1)Do you think a girl can go grinding and not think it is sexual at all?

2)Even if she did think it was nothing, dont you think it is a matter of respect to realize you shouldnt do it?

3)She says there are different types of grinding, and she did the not so inapropriate one. Is there a such thing?

4)Even if there is a such thing, would you accept that as a boyfriend (having done in the past throughout a year)?

5)Do you think it is possible for a girl to be dancing and havinng her hips help hands/body touching and not think it is sexual AT ALL?

 

keep in mind that this did not happen on one occasion. If it did I would have no problem because she said now she thinks it is wrong. But it has happened for a year maybe once a week. So right now I am thinking of breaking up with her over the principle of this issue. I think it is absurd. Also keep in mind that this girl isnt some random girlfriend, she knows my family well, i know hers, we talk 2 hours a day, and is very passionate, we connect very well and love each other very much. Usually I wouldnt think twice about breaking up with a girl who grinded even once but I am confused because this girl clearly loves me and is really engaged. I want to believe her and give her the benefit of the doubt but I just cant.

 

Please let me know what you think!!!

[You'reasian]

Tough situation.

 

Well she only does this once a week. It is definitely a sexual act - why else would she just grind when she can chose other kinds of partner dancing (line dancing, salsa, ballroom etc.) or just dance with her friends.

 

If she was just a girl you were dating, it would probably be a non-issue but since you say you are engaged, it could be something to pay attention to.

 

Does she also drink when she goes grinding? Alcohol lowers inhibitions, so the grinding/drinking would be a red flag.

 

Would she be okay with you grinding?

[Island Girl]

There is a whole age group that thinks of "grinding" AS dancing. Meaning - to them it is dancing and nothing more than that.

I talked to one girl who said very clearly it is NOT a sexual act, while sensual, it is just moving to the music the only way they have ever. Since then this particular girl has learned other forms of dancing - maybe your girlfriend has too.

 

What you say you have with this girl is special or at least it sounds that way.

 

That is a rarity and IMO would be ridiculous to lose this type of caring committed relationship over dancing in any way shape of form - I mean all the other things are great from what you have said. The only thing wrong is this - and it has been over for some time.

 

She know it bothers you and doesn't do it anymore so it has been handled. This is just one of the things that you can grow from and get closer from

 

OR you can let it destroy your relationship and always wonder about the one that got away...

[MissMae]

1)Do you think a girl can go grinding and not think it is sexual at all?

2)Even if she did think it was nothing, dont you think it is a matter of respect to realize you shouldnt do it?

3)She says there are different types of grinding, and she did the not so inapropriate one. Is there a such thing?

4)Even if there is a such thing, would you accept that as a boyfriend (having done in the past throughout a year)?

5)Do you think it is possible for a girl to be dancing and havinng her hips help hands/body touching and not think it is sexual AT ALL?

 

 

So, coming from one who is on your girlfriend's side of things, I think that it's all a matter of boundaries. I've been in a relationship for over a year now, and in this one and in all my past ones, I've never felt obliged to stop myself from dancing (and that usually means grinding) with other guys. Dancing is dancing, no matter what style. If you have an issue with this, then you're totally entitled to your opinion, but I think that you should also recognize that the real issue here is that you're not comfortable with what happened, not that she is acting wrong or immoral.

 

1) Yes and no. You can grind all night with a guy and have it go no further. Or, like in any other encounter, it could get out of hand. But I think you also have to consider it from a girl's perspective. When most guys go out to clubs, they go to try to get laid, when most girls go out to clubs, they go to dance and socialize.

 

2) A matter of respect to whom? Did you talk about this beforehand, and tell her that you were uncomfortable with it? If so, then she probably should have considered your feelings. At the same time, this is something she enjoys, and if she gives up that part of her life because someone else is insecure about it, isn't she disrespecting herself as an individual?

 

3) Yup, there are different types, but does that really matter? It seems like you're upset by the idea of other guys touching her, and all types include that.

 

4) Mine does. He doesn't like going out dancing, but has no problem with me going out with friends. In the past, some of them were uncomfortable with it, but never tried to stop me.

 

5) No. But I think there are very few social interactions that aren't sexual at all. I can tell you as someone who goes out dancing a lot, I've probably had more bad partners than good, and most of the time when guys do try to hit on me I'm laughing to myself in my head because they seem so silly compared to my guy.

 

 

Also, I'd like to agree with the person above me who pointed out that there is a whole generation that grew up grinding. Personally, I learned to grind before I learned to slow dance. It's a cultural thing. Throughout history, different groups have condemned different styles of dance, clothing, ect. as immoral. Had I grown up in the south, I might line-dance, where I'm from though, people my age grind, and that's the norm.

[awesomeness43]

wow, dancing is just dancing. regardless of salsa or grinding, its just dancing. i have no issue with my gf doing it, as she has no issue with me when we go out with just our friends.

 

lighten up before you lose her over this minimal issue... however, her going out clubbing weekly intoxicated CAN be an issue..

[crazieshnurple]

I definately agree with MissMae - as a girl who grew up in the grinding generation, it's the only kind of dancing I know. My boyfriend and I are at other colleges, and he knows that sometimes at parties I will dance with other people and he is ok with it. Grinding is just a way of dancing to the popular music, it doesn't mean I want to have sex with the guy I'm grinding with.

[MiniMina]

I think it's really between you and your girlfriend. Each relationship has different boundaries that the couple is comfortable with. I have grinded with other men while in a relationship and my boyfriend has no problem with it. I was in another relationship, however, where dancing of any kind with another man made him uncomfortable so I made an effort to just dance with him or my friends when I went out.

 

But it is definitely something that has to be discussed, I don't think under any circumstances that your girlfriend should just know that grinding would make you uncomfortable. You have to tell her and agree together if it will be one of the boundaries for your relationship.

[Athena]

Give her a chance since she was honest with you, and make sure she NOW understands that you see any kind of intimacy (including physical) as overstepping boundaries.