Would you date a cheater?

[4givrnt4gtr]

Would you date a guy who you know cheated on his ex girlfriend? Im having an issue making up my mind about this because, on one hand I know his relationship with the ex was pretty bad. It was a lot of back and forth. Then again, there is no excuse for cheating and if he did it to her, he's gonna do it to me....right?

[samsungxoxo]

My b/f cheated on an ex prior to meeting me but the reason was out of revenge cheating. The girl did it first, he found out about it and he proceeded on pretending to forgive her. Anyways he then tells her himself and leaves her. I did kinda cheated on an ex, kiss another guy in car, but this guy was only 2 weeks of dating.

 

We told our stories but what matters is the present. What is not in your time is not your hurt.

[Dexter Morgan]

I wouldn't date a woman I know cheated before.

[samsungxoxo]

I wouldn't date a woman I know cheated before.

 

Not even if she was remorseful about it?

[Trialbyfire]

If this is the same guy who sent out graphic text messages to chicklet(s), he's already cheated on you and youv'e already forgiven him once. If it's a new guy, you have to ask yourself why you're drawn to these types or they're drawn to you.

 

As for myself, I would never knowingly date a cheater.

[Woggle]

If it was way back in the day and she was 100% remourseful about it maybe but no way in hell would I date a recent cheater.

[Lizzie60]

yes.. I did before.. I even lived with him 18 years..

[PrincessPeach]

It depends.

 

I want to know if the guy admited to his girl that he was cheating or if she caught him before he ever came to tell her.

 

For me a big part of the decision might be how the girl he cheated on handled the situation when she found out. Were her actions something that would enforce that cheating is something that could be forgiven or did her actions tell him it was completely unacceptable.

 

If he cheated on someone, and then they stayed together for some time after she knew about the cheating, then I wouldn't date him because he hasn't really been taught his lesson and I don't want to have to be the one to teach it to him.

 

If he cheated on someone, and then they broke up right after she found out, I'd be much more willing to consider, since he now knows that cheating has actual consequences.

 

If cheating happens, the other should end the relationship. When that happens, the cheating person is more likely to learn not to cheat in the future unless the relationship is gone anyway.

[Citizen Erased]

Never. Complete deal breaker for me. That includes if he was single and was screwing around with someone in a relationship. The complete disregard for the other persons feelings is revolting to me.

[O'Malley]

I put less emphasis on scarlet letter remorse and more on what the person learned in hindsight. Have they realized that it's wiser to leave a relationship before cheating or are they still trying to validate why they cheated and stayed in the relationship?

 

No way would I date a recent cheater and I'd be amazed if a serial cheater gave me the option by being honest about his background.

[samsungxoxo]

I don't think it's our business knowing about who they have been with before. The past is the past. As long as they don't cheat on you and treat you with respect that's all that matters.

[Gremio]

Would you date a guy who you know cheated on his ex girlfriend? Im having an issue making up my mind about this because, on one hand I know his relationship with the ex was pretty bad. It was a lot of back and forth. Then again, there is no excuse for cheating and if he did it to her, he's gonna do it to me....right?

 

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

I am zero tolerant in most things in life. Cheating shows a sign of weakness, of low respect for themself and others, and low willpower. That is not someone I want to be with. I believe that if you make that mistake once, it's easier to do again.

[PrincessPeach]

How do you go about figuring this out about someone anyway?

 

It's not like it's something you're just going to ask on one of the first couple dates. And if you do ask, they don't know you well enough to necessarily be comfortable with being honest about something like that.

 

In theory you can say that you'd never date a previous cheater... but I bet most of you saying that will, you just might not know about it.

 

And what if you do find out about it a year or two into the relationship. Are you just going to leave them right then and there?

[samsungxoxo]

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

I am zero tolerant in most things in life. Cheating shows a sign of weakness, of low respect for themself and others, and low willpower. That is not someone I want to be with. I believe that if you make that mistake once, it's easier to do again.

 

So if this is apply exactly as you stated then it would mean that those who cheated on a SO in the past have to forever remain single and have no rights for starting over with someone new and a fresh start????

[Trialbyfire]

And what if you do find out about it a year or two into the relationship. Are you just going to leave them right then and there?

Yes I would leave him. No ifs, ands or buts. I married and divorced a cheater. Won't ever do it again.

[Citizen Erased]

.

And what if you do find out about it a year or two into the relationship. Are you just going to leave them right then and there?

 

Yes. In this case then they have hidden a huge part of themselves from me for a year or two. Being a lying, cheating soulless a-hole that is. How trust worthy is that? What else could they have been hiding?

[Gremio]

How do you go about figuring this out about someone anyway?

 

It's not like it's something you're just going to ask on one of the first couple dates. And if you do ask, they don't know you well enough to necessarily be comfortable with being honest about something like that.

 

In theory you can say that you'd never date a previous cheater... but I bet most of you saying that will, you just might not know about it.

 

And what if you do find out about it a year or two into the relationship. Are you just going to leave them right then and there?

 

I knew I would get some good replies. I love an intellectual conversation.

 

I am very different. I don't date, as the term is used today. If I'm interested in someone, we go out together, learn about each other, and if I feel we are truly compatible, I would ask to be exclusive.

 

I have been talking to someone for the past three weeks or so. We are not exclusive and not "dating". Now we have learned A LOT about each other, and one of those things that we talked about is our stance on cheaters, and if we have before. Based on her answer would determine my future decisions. If she lied to me about not cheating and then I find out she did, do I really have to answer that question if I want to continue a relationship with her?

 

I am a very different person. I am very strong-willed and really don't believe in second chances. I see things as if you make the mistake once, it's even easier to do again, almost like an addiction.

 

Now some people do change, I will admit it. But they are few and far between.

[Gremio]

So if this is apply exactly as you stated then it would mean that those who cheated on a SO in the past have to forever remain single and have no rights for starting over with someone new and a fresh start????

 

People do make mistakes, but once you start the cycle, it is hard to break. See my above reply too.

 

To add to it also, I have been cheated on before. I am giving you my feelings based on my own experience. I was 19 at the time and was in a three year LTR. About a year in, my girlfriend was over a male friend's house. He hit on her, leaned in for the kiss, and she did not reject it. She came out and told me about it and crushed me. She swore it did not go any further.

 

So many thoughts were in my head... why is she so stupid, why was she even there, why didn't she stop him, and so on. I decided to try to trust her and work it out. We were fine for about two more years, and then she starts talking to "an old friend", one whose name was never brought up in three years. I'm not dumb. A month later, she left me for him. She slept with him five days after that, then a week later came crawling back saying she made the biggest mistake of her life. It was the hardest decision of my life at that time, but also the easiest.

[PrincessPeach]

If I'm interested in someone, we go out together, learn about each other, and if I feel we are truly compatible, I would ask to be exclusive.

As far as I know... this is what dating is.

 

I have been talking to someone for the past three weeks or so. We are not exclusive and not "dating". Now we have learned A LOT about each other, and one of those things that we talked about is our stance on cheaters, and if we have before. Based on her answer would determine my future decisions. If she lied to me about not cheating and then I find out she did, do I really have to answer that question if I want to continue a relationship with her?

What about a situation where it isn't brought up until later in the relationship. If you didn't ask they might not just bring it up themselves, especially if they are ashamed of having done so.

 

And don't make the argument that you will always ask beforehand. You won't always know the circumstance of developing a relationship with someone, it may happen unexpectedly in some cases. To say that you'll always know going in is somewhat ignorant of other possibilities beyond our control.

 

Isn't it possible that some people may not feel comfortable sharing such a past with someone they haven't been intimate with either. When questioned about their stance on cheating, they may be opposed to it, but might feel revealing personal pasts to be intrusive to their privacy.

 

I know I have never cheated before, but I will not even talk about any of my past relationships with the guy I'm dating. If he asks, I tell him it's private between me and that person who was in my past. If he knows that guy, he can always go ask him, and I wouldn't mind. If I share about my past with someone else, I'm revealing very personal things about me (which I'd probably be okay with) but I'd also be revealing very personal things about someone who previously placed trust in me and that person may not want me to share such things about his/our past. I respect the privacy of all my exes, regardless of my current opinions of them.

[PrincessPeach]

To add to it also, I have been cheated on before. I am giving you my feelings based on my own experience. I was 19 at the time and was in a three year LTR. About a year in, my girlfriend was over a male friend's house. He hit on her, leaned in for the kiss, and she did not reject it. She came out and told me about it and crushed me. She swore it did not go any further.

 

So many thoughts were in my head... why is she so stupid, why was she even there, why didn't she stop him, and so on. I decided to try to trust her and work it out. We were fine for about two more years, and then she starts talking to "an old friend", one whose name was never brought up in three years. I'm not dumb. A month later, she left me for him. She slept with him five days after that, then a week later came crawling back saying she made the biggest mistake of her life. It was the hardest decision of my life at that time, but also the easiest.

 

Of course she cheated on you again... there was nothing you did that made her think there were any real consequences to it. The second time she learned that there were real consequences to cheating and it may have stuck a little harder than her first "lesson" from you (or lack thereof)

[IfWishesWereHorses]

If this is the same guy who sent out graphic text messages to chicklet(s), he's already cheated on you and youv'e already forgiven him once. If it's a new guy, you have to ask yourself why you're drawn to these types or they're drawn to you.

 

As for myself, I would never knowingly date a cheater.

 

I've got to agree with this. Its within you or not. PERIOD.

[Gremio]

Of course she cheated on you again... there was nothing you did that made her think there were any real consequences to it. The second time she learned that there were real consequences to cheating and it may have stuck a little harder than her first "lesson" from you (or lack thereof)

 

It took a long time for me to trust her again. I went against one of my firmest rules in the hopes I was wrong, but I wasn't. A good life lesson was learned, and something that I "said" all the time I had first hand experience of.

 

She said it wasn't cheating, it was a kiss. I don't care. Any kind of contact like that is. Hence my strong reply to this topic. A cheater is a cheater, no matter what.

[PrincessPeach]

A kiss is cheating. It has romantic implications... it's cheating. You enforced negative behavior (or rather didn't discourage it) by not doing something about it when it happened. If she doesn't think she can lose you over something like that, I see why she might end up doing it again.

[Gremio]

A kiss is cheating. It has romantic implications... it's cheating. You enforced negative behavior (or rather didn't discourage it) by not doing something about it when it happened. If she doesn't think she can lose you over something like that, I see why she might end up doing it again.

 

Trust me there were implications. I already had a foot out the door. She did have to earn it. I'm no pushover.

 

This is why today I am so stern. I don't believe in second chances. I hate to admit it but I was dumb enough to try to trust her when I was in my teens. It won't happen again.

[SueBee3490]

No I will never knowingly date someone who is capable of cheating again - too much heartache.* There are too many men out there who will not cheat whether in a dating relationship or marriage.* I've listened to all the excuses/justifications from my most current situation as to why he cheated* -* I don't need to listen to the whole list of pathetic excuses/justifications from a potential bf as to why he cheated on his prior gf/wife.