Would you date a cheater?

[Dexter Morgan]

Not even if she was remorseful about it?

 

No.........

[Dexter Morgan]

So if this is apply exactly as you stated then it would mean that those who cheated on a SO in the past have to forever remain single and have no rights for starting over with someone new and a fresh start????

 

Not at all. They dont have to remain single. There are plenty of fools out there that will risk it with them.

[Stockalone]

What about a situation where it isn't brought up until later in the relationship. If you didn't ask they might not just bring it up themselves, especially if they are ashamed of having done so.

 

And don't make the argument that you will always ask beforehand. You won't always know the circumstance of developing a relationship with someone, it may happen unexpectedly in some cases. To say that you'll always know going in is somewhat ignorant of other possibilities beyond our control.

 

I am still going to make that argument. People who need to know this about a potential partner will always ask those questions before getting into a relationship.

 

 

Isn't it possible that some people may not feel comfortable sharing such a past with someone they haven't been intimate with either. When questioned about their stance on cheating, they may be opposed to it, but might feel revealing personal pasts to be intrusive to their privacy.

 

It is absolutely possible. And they are under no obligation to answer questions, but I have every right to ask those questions.

 

I'd consider it reckless not to ask those questions if it is important to me that we are on the same page on this or other important issues. So yeah, I will ask about everything I need to know before I will consider a relationship.

 

If they tell me it's none of my business, that is their right. However, I will consider that to mean that they disagree with me on those issues and act accordingly.

[norajane]

Would you date a guy who you know cheated on his ex girlfriend? Im having an issue making up my mind about this because, on one hand I know his relationship with the ex was pretty bad. It was a lot of back and forth. Then again, there is no excuse for cheating and if he did it to her, he's gonna do it to me....right?

 

He's showing he has poor conflict resolution skills and is immature. Cheating as revenge? If she cheated on him, he should have dumped her, and not STAYED with her only to cheat on her.

 

What happens when you get into a disagreement about something and he feels you wronged him in some way? Is he going to take revenge against you, or is he going to be mature and discuss it with you and come to some resolution? My guess is he'll do something to hurt you back.

[Ayemtee]

I really would just stray away from that. Its a big risk you're taking. But it also depends on the extremes of the situation they cheated in. But if it were that extreme, they should've left instead of deceiving their SO. All in all, cheating shows dishonesty - something you don't want in a relationship. And if they didn't tell you until two years later, I'd still leave them. Because that's a very important part of their character they should've told you from the start, instead of hiding it for 2 years. If they hid that, who knows what else they hid.

[BentSpine]

This is THE major misconception here: I believe cheaters often aren't conscious of just how bad their relationship is. Looking back, the very act of straying becomes the first proof that something is wrong in the relationship. How could they "leave first" if they aren't conscious of how vulnerable to temptation they are?

 

So when an unmet need gets a little bit of fulfillment, it's feels wonderful: Like finally being able to go to sleep after being awake 48 hours. Once you lie your head on the pillow, it's hard to stop relaxing and get up again.

[norajane]

This is THE major misconception here: I believe cheaters often aren't conscious of just how bad their relationship is.

 

How miserable could they be if they aren't conscious of it? Are you saying they had no idea what a good relationship feels like in the first place?

[Trialbyfire]

This is THE major misconception here: I believe cheaters often aren't conscious of just how bad their relationship is. Looking back, the very act of straying becomes the first proof that something is wrong in the relationship. How could they "leave first" if they aren't conscious of how vulnerable to temptation they are?

 

So when an unmet need gets a little bit of fulfillment, it's feels wonderful: Like finally being able to go to sleep after being awake 48 hours. Once you lie your head on the pillow, it's hard to stop relaxing and get up again.

Huh? At about 20 hours, you start to feel very tired, then it just gets worse and worse, although you might get a short second wind. Are you suggesting in your analogy that someone doesn't realize how tired they are, after 40 hours?

[Ayemtee]

Huh? At about 20 hours, you start to feel very tired, then it just gets worse and worse, although you might get a short second wind. Are you suggesting in your analogy that someone doesn't realize how tired they are, after 40 hours?

 

 

Nah he or she is trying to say that people who are in a crappy relationship, when they get decent attention elsewhere, its hard for them to turn it down, then they give into temptation and next thing you know they're cheating on their SO. I really don't know if that's true, maybe if the person had a weak mentality or no will power then yeah.

[Trialbyfire]

Nah he or she is trying to say that people who are in a crappy relationship, when they get decent attention elsewhere, its hard for them to turn it down, then they give into temptation and next thing you know they're cheating on their SO. I really don't know if that's true, maybe if the person had a weak mentality or no will power then yeah.

I know what he's saying but it sounds like your standard cheater's excuse for not taking responsibility for actions. No one forces you to cheat, just like no one forces you to remain in an unhappy relationship.

[Ayemtee]

I know what he's saying but it sounds like your standard cheater's excuse for not taking responsibility for actions. No one forces you to cheat, just like no one forces you to remain in an unhappy relationship.

 

I agree completely. Why be miserable not only from your relationship but for having a guilty conscience as well? Just up and leave if your relationship is in the hole. Climb out of it, dust yourself off, and start fresh. Besides, if you're in the hole, why dig more? The only way you have to go is up.

[berrieh]

Depends on the situation.

 

Generally, I'd be wary of dating a former cheater.

 

But, in some cases, I would consider it. Probably not if it were recent, but we all deserve to learn from our mistakes... if I felt he'd changed since then, I would give him a chance.

[BentSpine]

How miserable could they be if they aren't conscious of it? Are you saying they had no idea what a good relationship feels like in the first place?

I'm saying that they may cling to hope, for whatever reason, that they're actually in bad spell, not a bad relationship. If the deterioration is gradual enough, then the change is almost imperceptible. And therefore, nothing that would promt you to think: "Wait a minute".

Nah he or she is trying to say that people who are in a crappy relationship, when they get decent attention elsewhere, its hard for them to turn it down, then they give into temptation and next thing you know they're cheating on their SO.

That is precisely what he is trying to say.

I know what he's saying but it sounds like your standard cheater's excuse for not taking responsibility for actions. No one forces you to cheat, just like no one forces you to remain in an unhappy relationship.

I agree, no one should stay in a relationship where their needs aren't met. All I saying is that it may take getting your needs met elsewhere one time, before you realise that you're not getting them met at home. In these cases, the cheater will immediately come clean or initiate separation, because getting their needs met isn't worth it if it takes being deceitful.

[Brendi_thesnake]

Would I date a guy that cheated before? Sure why not, I had exs' that cheated but they told me they felt terrible on seeing how this affected their SOs.

Now just because they tell me their history which I have no business knowing does not mean I will tell them mine and if the question came if I cheated in the past, my answer was always ''NO''.

 

Now if he did cheated on me then he would gain nothing for it because I would have long dumped him or done the same beforehanded. Needless to say no it would not affect me whatsoever.

[4givrnt4gtr]

Very interesting replies.

 

Well I figured it out. I decided that whether other people would date a cheater or not should not influence my thoughts about whether I want to date someone who has cheated. All i have to do is think about what type of person I REALLY want in my life, what morals they have and then go from there.

 

As to how i know he did is bassically because we've been really close friends for ages, and he told me when it happened. The next day he told his girlfriend who forgave him immediately.

 

Anyhow since i want a MAN who is responsible, mature with strong moral standards and who can love and respect women, he doesnt fit the bill AT ALL. As a friend, he is cool, but nothing more than that. Sure he is attractive and charming...but then so are many other men that would fit me better.

[Federica]

...And on that perfect note......