Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit

[Billie63]

You are right, of course. I would love to be successful and happy and have my own family one day, and have him see and have HIM be the one lamenting for once. I don't intend to marry anyone unless Im 100% in love with them. I may be an OW.....but I don't do the cheating myself when Im with someone.

 

Strangely, MM asked me once if I'd continue to see him when and if I got married one day. I never answered him, but i was thinking that if I got married one day, I wouldn't be like him, I wouldn't WANT to cheat on my spouse. He got maried because she was "comfortable"......that's not enough for me. And maybe that'll be all the difference in how my and his relationships one day will differ.....again, time will tell, I guess

 

Darling, the point is, when you meet The One (and you will) and you fall in love and you get married and have kids you will not give a damn about MM. You will even struggle to picture what his face looks like - believe me. Because you are obviously a woman of passion, you will not 'settle' as he claims to have done. The man you marry will be 100 per cent into you and you will be 100 per cent into him. And everything now will seem like a faraway dream/nightmare. It might be hard to believe now when you're so much into MM but he will one day become simply an anecdote in YOUR life. The 'I had an affair with a MM once...." conversation that you say with a rueful smile and a 'what was I thinking of?'

 

The fact he asked you would you continue to see him when you got married is truly baffling - is this 'man' a teenager or what? And he's raising kids? Scary.

[pelicanpreacher]

And I also might add, what a prig your MM has turned out to be!

[jwi71]

Turned out to be? Always was. Well, enough bashing him. For now.

 

Part of me says and thinks "Great! KG is critically evaluating him and his effects on her". That is a step forward.

 

Part of me says "Crap! He is STILL occupying her thoughts, distracting her from her future, etc".

 

You said it best though, mental separation is hard. Especially when the emotions (on your part) ran so deep. Med School will help. OR, the thoughts consume you and you never achieve your goal.

 

You must push him out of your mind. Hard. And perhaps time and NC help - but a performance like that last test (and the study leading up to it) will fail you out of Med School. HE isn't worth it.

[KismetGirl]

Im a little drunk right now. Ok very drunk right now.

 

MM emailed me today abotu my recc letter. Told him he didnt' have to be cold with me. He was flirty. F**ker.

 

After this, Went out with friends to her company holiday party tonight at private bar in the city. Admittedly , had somewhat ulterior motive to meet cute distraction from MM. It seemed to work. They work for an investment bank so despite current financial decline, top shelf booze open bar and kobe beef burgers all night. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

Also, I spent the night making out with said friend's cute 24 year old co worker, who, while 2 years younger than me, is cute and an investment banker and a good kisser, and claims he will call me sunday. We'll see about that one. He said he didn't know why I was choosing to hang out with him all night but that he was enjoying his co workers all being massively jealous of him right now. Either he was f**king with me and feeding me sweet lies, or he was serious. Either way, felt good.

 

I need a fling real bad. I need to forget about MM and I think this type of thing are the only things to make me forget him. Argh argh argh. Maybe this will work. I dont know. drunk drunk drunk ramblings. I type very well when drunk somehow. Must be a testmanent to my other-brilliance.

 

Meep. meep. meep. Thought id share. ta ta.

[sb129]

What time of day is it there?

[sb129]

PS I think a fling is not a bad idea....

[KismetGirl]

What time of day is it there?

 

 

ooooh that was quick did not expect responses now as i sit here drunkenly eating greasy late night food before going to bedddddddy bye.

 

ummmm, it is 3.08 a.m. here right now. So Im supposed to be at work in three hours, but its supposed to snow alot today and i may just call in sick instead. why not.

 

And a fling might be a good idea indeed. We'll see if i think that way when im sober and/if that guy calls me.

 

MM , flirty with me in an email, and it throws me off. amazing what little he has to do to throw me off. why i need a fling to distract me. not sure i can distract myself on my own! *sigh*

[sb129]

Ah go to bed. Have some water and some B vitamins before you do.

 

Just enjoy the fact that a cute guy thought you were cute and you kissed him!!!

[Billie63]

I hope cute boy calls. You need some light hearted fun badly.

[smarterthanbefore]

Hello everyone, I am new here, I have been lurking for a while now and you guys have helped me. I have been the OW (not by choice, he lied to me) and the BS ( also not by choice) and like everyone else, have also been tempted to cheat, but respect myself and my live-in boyfriend way to much as well as love him with all my heart. Kismet, I ve read your posts and feel the utmost sadness for you. You strike me as a young woman who have little self-esteem and respect for yourself as well as a fear of never finding love, so instead you chose to take scraps and bits from someone elses happy ending, which she (BS) is unaware is an unhappy one, as her husband is a coward and a cheat. Please love yourself more than this and walk away from this. You deserve a REAL love that can be nurtured and grow. This is a toxic weed you are trying to make into a rose, and it will never be. I feel sorry for you because you are to selfish to see the damage you are really causing yourself, his children and his wife. Karma is a funny lady, and make sure one reaps what she sows. One day, you will find love, let's hope he doesn't find him an OW who will seduce him and tear up your world as you have done to MM poor wife. Just so you know , the blame not yours alone, he knew he was married before he met you, and he will also reap what he sow.

[KismetGirl]

I hope cute boy calls. You need some light hearted fun badly.

 

Im not holding my breath. Ive been very cynical about men lately for obvious reasons.....I guess we'll have to see. If he does he does....and if he doesn't he doesnt. In both cases hard to totally forget MM, but I swear, last night, for at least a few hours I didn't think about him at all until I got home and was by myself again. And it was nice to kiss someone else in that way. I haven't even kissed anyone but MM in almost a year....

[pelicanpreacher]

Hey KG, how'd the finals go?!

[KismetGirl]

Hey KG, how'd the finals go?!

 

Dunno yet....should get the grade sometime this week. Fingers crossed....tried to memorize 1300 pages of information in one day. Did better than I thought I would at that point, I think, but we'll see.

 

Otherwise, previously mentioned cute makeout partner from thursday night still hasn't called me. No surprise there. I knew a nice distraction from MM so soon was too good to be true *sigh*. Stupid men. Can't live with them....etc

[pelicanpreacher]

Dunno yet....should get the grade sometime this week. Fingers crossed....tried to memorize 1300 pages of information in one day. Did better than I thought I would at that point, I think, but we'll see.

 

Otherwise, previously mentioned cute makeout partner from thursday night still hasn't called me. No surprise there. I knew a nice distraction from MM so soon was too good to be true *sigh*. Stupid men. Can't live with them....etc

 

:laugh::laugh: You need to relax KG! Play a little hard to get ... maybe make yourself more mysterious and alluring next time you go out to play. Remember, guys are like dogs when out on the make and can't help but to romp a good chase when ardor is inspired!