Asking Out My Teaching Assistant

[Oscillate Wildly]

I'm currently finishing up my last semester in college. I have finals next week, and after that, Ill be graduating.

 

This semester, I had a Teaching Assistant who I grew really fond of. I'd typically visit her office hours every week for homework help, but we'd also chat a bit afterwards.

 

We seemed to have some things in common, especially our obscure musical tastes. She seemed really excited when I told her about the radio show I do, and wanted to listen. I gave her some CD's to listen to, and she would tell me how much she liked them. Whenever I'd pay her a compliment, she seemed to genuinely appreciate it. As a whole, I felt like she was at least slightly interested in me, and certainly knew I was interested in her.

 

Today was the last day of class, and afterwards I went to her office and asked her out. I basically asked if once grades were in and I had graduated, if she wanted to get together to have some coffee, trade some more cds, etc. She told me that she doesn't go out with students, even after they graduate, because it can get "too weird".

 

I'm not really sure what to do about this. I feel a little lead on, since we we've done more than a formal TA/student relationship as it is. If she didn't want anything to do with me, I don't know why we've gotten to know each other to the degree we already have.

 

By what she said, I'm thinking she either already got together with a student in the past and it didn't work out, or she was just trying to come up with a polite way to say no to me. In either case, is there any point in me trying to talk to her again? If she really had no interest in me, why did she ever talk to me at all. And if she did have a bad experience before, why judge me because of it?

 

There could still be a few opportunities for me to talk to her if I really wanted to. Is there a good, respectful way to get more information, or maybe just ask for a chance? Or should I forget all about her?

 

Thanks for your help,

[Geishawhelk]

......She told me that she doesn't go out with students, even after they graduate, because it can get "too weird".

 

I'm not really sure what to do about this. I feel a little lead on, ......

 

This is quite smack on the button.

YOU feel a little led on, but that's your perception, not the one she was giving you. If you feel led on, that's because you were already making assumptions long before the moment to ask her out, arrived.

 

I don't know why we've gotten to know each other to the degree we already have.

because she's a warm, helpful, friendly and encouraging person. That doesn't make her available.

 

By what she said, I'm thinking she either already got together with a student in the past and it didn't work out, or she was just trying to come up with a polite way to say no to me.

The other factor you haven't considered - which I think is the case - is that she is being extremely professional and proper. She was, if I may say so, safeguarding her career and reputation, and being completely honest with you.

I can't say I blame her.

 

In either case, is there any point in me trying to talk to her again? If she really had no interest in me, why did she ever talk to me at all. And if she did have a bad experience before, why judge me because of it?

 

You're reading way too much into this, and taking it too personally.

Trust me, she would have done the same with any student in your position.

She doesn't date students, past or present, period.

 

There could still be a few opportunities for me to talk to her if I really wanted to. Is there a good, respectful way to get more information, or maybe just ask for a chance? Or should I forget all about her?

 

Let it go.

It's a no-hoper, but not because of you, specifically.

[Ronni_W]

She seemed really excited when I told her about the radio show I do... Whenever I'd pay her a compliment, she seemed to genuinely appreciate it.

Another way to consider it is: If it turned out that you and I shared some interest (obscure or not), quite likely we would also exchange links, CDs, books, whatever, about it. Doesn't mean you ALSO have any interest in getting together with me in a romantic way -- the interest is limited to whatever is the shared thing.

Even if we went to a concert or whatever together, it is still only because of our common bond, not because there is a personal attraction.

 

Also. I genuinely appreciate compliments from total strangers -- but it would be unwise for me to think that they're trying to message that they have any romantic attraction towards me. And just cos I accept their compliments, doesn't mean I'm romantically attracted to them, either.

 

Her interest in you was neutral...limited to shared interests. She appreciated you for the human being that you are, not as a potential date or romantic partner.

[2sure]

Oscillate Wildly - I love this ID, I am still laughing.

 

But yes , you have been turned down. Politely, and ofr whatever reason.

To keep at her regarding this will only lead to the same turn down but she will be put into the awkward position of having to be less polite.

 

If you must: 3 months after you graduate, email her to tell her about your new job, and ask her to go to a concert XXX that you just happen to already have tickets to.

 

Thats it.

[Oscillate Wildly]

The other factor you haven't considered - which I think is the case - is that she is being extremely professional and proper. She was, if I may say so, safeguarding her career and reputation, and being completely honest with you.

I can't say I blame her.

 

That's not true. I absolutely realized it could be an issue. It's why I waited until I graduated to ask her. Maybe it was a little foolish, but I just really thought there was something more there than professional friendliness.

 

Oh well...