does he still love her?

[lovesickangel]

My boyfriend was in a seven year relationship when I met him. The girl was his first love and they’ve been together since high school. But they were having problems and decided to cool off (which they have done several times because of issues that can’t be resolve). That was the time, I came into the picture. He was my office mate and we work under one team. We became friends and we easily get along and eventually we recognize that we were already having feelings for each other. The girl found out about me and my life suddenly took a different turn. I don’t know how to describe it but it was like hell living those days. Guess, it was partly my fault since I let my self get close to someone who is already in a relationship. I don’t want any complication so I decided to let him go however he asks me to wait for him and told me that he will finish his relationship with the other girl.

 

I waited for him. I know it wasn’t easy to end a seven year relationship. Plus I knew for a fact that he loves the girl so much. It’s such that things were not good for them that time and somehow I was there to listen. I guess that was one reason why we’ve developed feelings for each other. It was hard also on my part. I really expected that he was going to end it and that he is sure that he wants to be with me. I was disappointed that that was not the case. They both tried to work it out.

 

After not hearing from him, I was surprised to get a call from him. He was deeply hurt and told me that the relationship already ended. What happened was he discovered that his girlfriend was dating someone even before he met me. I felt sad. This guy hurt my feelings too. But that time, all I wanted was to take all his hurt away. So I stayed by his side even though I knew that he didn’t really choose me.

 

The rest was history. We’ve been together for seven months now. The more I get to know him, the more he grows in me… something like “I love him more today than yesterday” (yeah just like the song ^_^) however… I have this problem….

 

After a month of dating, the ex returns, asking him if he’s already happy and that she wants to be friends with him again. I don’t know but I feel plenty of jealousy towards his ex. Though my boyfriend already refused the offer, I still have this feeling that she’s going to take him away from me.

 

Recently, his ex called informing him that her mother was taken to the hospital. He was really close to the family and even if I don’t want to let him visit the family I tried to understand because I know that he was worried too.

 

The presence of the ex in our life bothers me a lot. I don’t want to hate anyone but right now I really do hate her. In some way I am driving my boyfriend away too because I won’t believe that his feelings for his ex are no longer there. I mean, they’ve been together for seven years. Seven years is still seven years how can I be sure that the one in his heart is me now and there is no more place for her. I know that, part of what he is now is because of her but right now even if it’s wrong I just want to wipe her out of his memory. Sorry but that is how I feel.

 

I confronted my boyfriend regarding my feelings for his ex. In fairness to him he’d been very honest from the very start. He did admit that what he and his ex had is something incomparable. It was a seven year relationship and there was already familiarity between the two of them. He told me that I should not be jealous because what they had before is already over. Time will come that we will exceed what they had but now we still got a long way.

 

He was right actually but through those words I kind of realize that I can’t replace her. That’s what is hurting me. What hurts me most is when he told me that his ex don’t deserve him coz she deserve someone better and that he wants’ her to be happy. I don’t know but I feel really jealous because he still cares for her despite everything that happened. Sometimes I think that I don’t deserve him too.. like I deserve someone who will love me.. Only me…

 

I’m depressed.. I don’t want to let him go…

[keechie]

Before my current relationship, I dated a guy for 6 years who was my high school sweetheart. We broke up at 21 and 22. That said, I can completely understand your discomfort at their being friends, because I know from my own experience that even though we were broken up and seeing other people, I still had feelings for him for about 2 years after the breakup.

 

Your boyfriend is right- nobody can compare to that first love, BUT it's not a matter of who rates higher. The guy I'm dating now will never have the spot in my heart my first boyfriend holds, but I love my current boyfriend more, and I see a real future with him. Even though we had tons of history, what I had with my ex was broken- and that's why we broke up.

 

Just my opinion: I would be concerned that they are still friends, but I could be biased based on my own situation. I didn't fully move on until I had a period of no contact with my ex. The constant contact and "trying to be friends" almost led to me falling back into the cycle of us clinging to each other, breaking up, then "being friends" and then clinging and breaking up all over again.

 

Your guy sounds like he really cares about you, because otherwise he wouldn't have called you again. I think you need to talk to him about how you feel. Let him know that you aren't trying to replace her, but rather, you and he are in a relationship now, and as his girlfriend, you are concerned about the situation. It's completely natural to be concerned because this girl held the position of being his girlfriend once before. You are right in that you can't replace her, but what you and he have is a different relationship, which means it is a different ballpark. You don't want to replace her, because you want to make a history with each other. She's his ex, and she shouldn't be part of the history you make together (if that makes sense...)

 

It's okay to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable that he talks to his ex since they broke up so recently. You want to know that he's in the relationship to be with you and not because he's trying to fill in the void of not having a girlfriend.