AlaskanGal Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Hello all..... part time lurker, first time poster. This is 1st day of NC for me and my (now) xMM, (I am also married). It's really hard.... I keep checking my email to see if he's sent me something..... force of habit I spose. I will not send one to him as we both know it isn't fair to our loved ones to continue our EA. We do work together but see one another rarely (like once every couple of months), and we live in different states...which does make it easier. There were plenty of opportunities to make it physical and I'm very happy now that we didn't cross that particular line (during "cloud 9" phase wanted to more than anything)...there was lots of kissing but that's it. I know that does not make it any less deceitful. I'm now going to focus my love and energy on my family instead of loving someone that wasn't meant to be. We mutually decided to end it and go no contact.... thanks to this awesome forum realized that's the only way it can be. I did a lot of crying yesterday....but then felt guilty mourning something that was so destructive and dishonest. I miss him now, but I know the day will come that the pain in my heart will end and I won't miss him at all. Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Hello and welcome! Your emotions will probably do all sorts of flip flops. Just expect that. But wow! you've got your head on really straight! Your decision and committment sound really good. Please keep posting here, especially when the urge to contact him strikes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlaskanGal Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 Just reading a lot of the other threads on here help a lot....knowing people are in similar situations. I'm sure I'll be posting a lot more when I'm having the urge..... to go from emailing each other up to 100 times a day to nothing is making the day feel empty, but I have other things to fill it (namely work ).... thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Hello AlaskanGal, I just wanted to give you some support. I know NC can be terribly difficult, and you can feel like you're doing it all alone and denying your heart's desire, so it's so easy to slip back. Been there and done that. Anyway, I just wanted to say good luck with it and I know how hard it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlaskanGal Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 Thanks Frannie..... who knew this would be so hard... I want to talk with him so badly but I know that I can't. I'm having an internal power struggle between my heart and my head right now.... on the way to work I actually considered sending him an email, but my brain put the kibosh on that. I'm beginning to understand why people break NC..... I feel very sad today... Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Hi AG.... Welcome to LS. The early stages of NC are the most difficult. You haven taken the first step here by ceasing contact and it's not always easy as your finding out. What I can tell you is this. As the days roll by and NC continues it does get eaiser. I myself was a married woman who a couple years back wound up in an ea with a mm. It was NC that got me over the strong emotional feelings I had for him. You see, when you stick with NC you start to difuse those feelings they become less and less over time.So, continue to stick to your guns and don't give in. You can do this. Best of luck. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlaskanGal Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 Having the support of others is great since I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. NC certainly seems easier in theory ....Knowing that you all have been where I am now is keeping me strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Thanks Frannie..... who knew this would be so hard... I want to talk with him so badly but I know that I can't. I'm having an internal power struggle between my heart and my head right now.... on the way to work I actually considered sending him an email, but my brain put the kibosh on that. I'm beginning to understand why people break NC..... I feel very sad today... Since you realize NC is the best thing to do then it's easier to follow through with it rather than questioning if you should be contacting him. Instead of fighting the feelings and going through all the emotions minute by minute, just ackhowledge that let's say the first 10 days will be really hard and no matter what not to cave in. After 10 days it'll get much easier and in time you won't even think about it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
WickedandWeak Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 When my OW and I were NC (and maybe my advice shouldn't be heeded since that was obviously phrased in the past tense), I found the ONLY thing that helped me at all was to do the same positive activity every time the urge to drive over to her place (or call or email or...) hit. For me, that meant some sort of physical exercise, usually a run or push-ups. It helped take the edge off my need to reestablish some connection. After two months, I was in the best shape of my life! Link to post Share on other sites
FeelLikeScreaming Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Even though I haven't gone NC, I have started to really like this Alanis Morrisette song called "Not as We." It just makes me feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Married One Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Even though I am involved in one such, I still couldn't resist saying BRAVO to you!! You are the type of person who can guide others well and keep the world sane ! Hello all..... part time lurker, first time poster. This is 1st day of NC for me and my (now) xMM, (I am also married). It's really hard.... I keep checking my email to see if he's sent me something..... force of habit I spose. I will not send one to him as we both know it isn't fair to our loved ones to continue our EA. We do work together but see one another rarely (like once every couple of months), and we live in different states...which does make it easier. There were plenty of opportunities to make it physical and I'm very happy now that we didn't cross that particular line (during "cloud 9" phase wanted to more than anything)...there was lots of kissing but that's it. I know that does not make it any less deceitful. I'm now going to focus my love and energy on my family instead of loving someone that wasn't meant to be. We mutually decided to end it and go no contact.... thanks to this awesome forum realized that's the only way it can be. I did a lot of crying yesterday....but then felt guilty mourning something that was so destructive and dishonest. I miss him now, but I know the day will come that the pain in my heart will end and I won't miss him at all. Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlaskanGal Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 Fun2BMe: That is an excellent way to look at it..... rather than agonize over it every day that's what I will do..... kind of like being on a diet I suppose Wicked/Weak: That's what I've been trying to do... what's nice is we mainly spoke to one other while I was at work.... so in the last couple days I've been throwing myself at all the mundane projects I've been putting off And then once I get home I have my wonderful kiddos to keep me busy I would try exercise.....but I think I'm allergic FeelLikeScreaming: I really dig the chorus! It really stinks when the sappy love songs come on the radio, but that's what my Ipod is for! No listening to mushy songs! Married One: Thank you, that really means a lot Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 When my OW and I were NC (and maybe my advice shouldn't be heeded since that was obviously phrased in the past tense), I found the ONLY thing that helped me at all was to do the same positive activity every time the urge to drive over to her place (or call or email or...) hit. For me, that meant some sort of physical exercise, usually a run or push-ups. It helped take the edge off my need to reestablish some connection. After two months, I was in the best shape of my life! Great idea! LOL...you're reminding me of when I had to do NC with an xBF long ago. He lived close by, so driving over was tempting! One Friday night, alone and tempted, I chose to eat a whole clove of garlic as a self-deterrant. There was no way I'd go over w/ garlic breath! Link to post Share on other sites
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