Wife of almost 10 years falls out

[Blues38]

I feel kind of weird writing this, but I'm not sure where to go or who to talk to. I've been searching the web reading forums about this issue and decided I should tell my story. Maybe I'll get some help from it.

 

I'm 38 and my wife is 34. We've been married for almost 10 years and we have 2 little girls. Three weeks ago my wife tells me that she isn't happy and that she isn't in love with me anymore. She went on to give me a laundry list of issues with me.

 

I was never a very good communicator and my displays of affection were non existent outside of sex. She told me she has been hinting to me about this stuff for years. I guess I was too stupid to pick up on it. I admit that I have these problems and I'm willing to work on all of them.

 

The next day I start working on things and I get yelled at everytime I do anything. Even if I say I love her, she flies off the handle. I never ever had a problem telling her how much I loved her, but now she won't hear it. She is filled with anger and resentment. When she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore I was devistated. She also tells me that she is unsure of whether or not she wants to feel that way again.

 

Even after 3 weeks she can't stand to be near me. You'd think I cheated on her or something. I've never seen such animosity before. My heart breaks when I see her sitting accross the couch from me. No matter what I do she tells me I'm pushing her away by doing it. I'm stuck in a catch 22.

 

After our second child, she told me she wanted to join a gym and work the weight off. She started going during the days and that evolved to going days and nights. For five straight years she has been gone day and night for roughly 5 days a week. If I ever said to her that I wanted her to stay at home, she'd yell at me for trying to tell her what to do. Yet when she decides that she wants to spend some time with, and I'm busy, I was the bad guy not wanting intimacy. I just wanted her to be happy and now my marriage may be over because of it. I'll admit that I resented the "gym" thing after a while. I would get upset when she wanted to talk about her friends there.

 

I'm at my wits end. We are going to a marriage counselor in a week. I set one up earlier and she said she wasn't going to go. Hopefully, she won't change her mind at the last minute this time. I've told her that I can't handle this sudden hostility. I know that the kids sense it, even if we don't fight. She told me she wants to concentrate on the kids. That's fine and all, but my opinion is that if we don't fix US, the kids will suffer in the long run.

 

I can't stand the thought of not being able to kiss my kids goodnight every day. I can't stand the thought of losing the woman that I love so much. After 3 weeks of hostility at every turn, it's hard not to get mad at her. I feel like I'm dealing with a teenager that is rebeling and staying out late to show me up. I used to trust her 100 percent, and maybe I still do. This rattle of my entire world though makes me wonder what might be going on. Is this wrong of me to think? I feel like if I leave her alone, then I've given up. Yet she has told me she wants space to think. Fine.. I don't have a problem giving space if she would just act pleasant when I'm around. Specially around the kids where I think it is important not to fight.

 

I know you can't make someone stay or fall in love with you again. Honestly, I wouldn't want someone to stay that didn't want to. I apologize to all of you. I know this is a rambling mess. I'm just at the end of my rope emotionally, and trying to survive the next few days till the marriage counseling.

[Blues38]

If she is cheating, I don't believe its physical. She has turned herself from a woman that was 5'8' 230, to a rock hard 140. She has thought about entering competitions and stuff. She really has spent a ton of time there. She has a ton of girlfriends she goes out with. Unfortunately, I have supported this behavior thinking that's what it takes to keep her happy.