LakesideDream Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 I couldn't agree more, I have ruined so many relationships in my life due to video games and I no longer play them anymore and I am a much better person all around for it. Bernaserra, In my day it was hot rod cars and hopped up motorcycles. Way to many hours with the guys, in the garage, getting filthy and spending money we couldn't afford trying to earn a 13 second E.T. For me all that ended in the first few months of my (now ex) wifes 1st pregnancy. Car was sold, bike sold, started working overtime instead. Video Games take up just as much time. It's good to hear that you are no longer using them as an escape. As to earning back trust, that's a lot harder. IMO the first thing you have to realize, remember and never forget is that words are meaningless without actions reinforceing them. If I were lucky enough to be young again and have a young woman, and beautiful young children like you do I'd look for ways to make my wife's life easier. Take some of the load off her. Start with some of her chores, DONT talk about it, just start doing it. Make her feel special. Make sure she knows that she's important, and that the work she does raising the children is the most valuable thing either of you do... (it is). That's a start..... And... PROMISE HER you will never touch her in anger, NEVER threaten her ever again. And KEEP THAT PROMISE. Leave the house before you raise your voice in anger. Don't get into situations that can get out of hand. Fake it until you make it Bernaserra... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bernaserra Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Lakeside thank you I will not take your advice with a grain of salt, I have already made that step in that direction just for an example I normally let her handle the baby when he wakes up at night. So last night I got up out of bed put him back to sleep. Its a small step but its a change for me. I also told her told her to sell my playstation 3 game system to prove she is more important. It was also a great step because today she said she did want to work things out. She still doesn't know about everything else but she did give me a definite yes to working things out. I did not push nor did I pressure her I just let her be and talked to her about work and out of nowhere she said it. Her and my lil guy really are my world and I have let both of them down. I am sad it came to this for me to get my head out of my behind, but now I know which mistakes not to make and how to appreciate all that I have. Thanks again for sharing some of those years of wisdom LSD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bernaserra Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 its tuff at the moment she went out wirh a female friend and i only think the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
Konfuzion Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 And... PROMISE HER you will never touch her in anger, NEVER threaten her ever again. And KEEP THAT PROMISE. Leave the house before you raise your voice in anger. Better yet put in writing that you will never touch her again and sign it and say your sorry. its tuff at the moment she went out wirh a female friend and i only think the worst. What is the worse thing that could happen? Could you prevent it? Let her have a fun night out. Consider yourself lucky that she is giving you a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 Better yet put in writing that you will never touch her again and sign it and say your sorry. What is the worse thing that could happen? Could you prevent it? Let her have a fun night out. Consider yourself lucky that she is giving you a chance. That's an excellent idea. Write it down, or print it out, date and sign it. Give it to her and tell her to keep it forever. That actually might help. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame84 Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 (" She told me she prefered a christian center cause their answer would not be divorce. So i hope that means she may want to work it out she did let me touch her and hold her some while we slept".) it looks like she dosent really want a divorce or there is any one else.....its all you that she is worried from...or giving her reasons to leave....go to MC... work things out and try your best to change....give her what she needs...ask about what she wants..do her good first and when she finds you putting her first.and looking after her and her needs. trust me , she will leave your to your Viudio games and PC whenever you want too....you wil get what you want , watever it was ....if you treat her good... Women are Not looking for misary...i dont like nagging at all , or craying or fighting...but i have too when i feel My H.is ignoring my needs and being selfish and then i feel this isnt for me.... try to foucus more on her and the baby. dont rush or push on her for a desigin./..just show her your love in action....good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author bernaserra Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 whats tough is she admitted she still loves me but doesnt know if she wants to be with me. she said today she did not want to work stuff out.but were still on for counseling and she hasnt left. i am getting alot of mixed signals. its getting hard to cope. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarantula Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 I believe she has love for you,but you have destroyed her desire to show that love,as you yourself do not bother to show your love to her . Live separatedly for some time.Have a rest from each other. Feelings when missing will be back ! But you need to overthink your own behavior... Good luck to you ! When getting married you need to know what your obligations are,you need to be mature for this step in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bernaserra Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 well she said she loved me things seem back to normal better actually. but i still get the feeling something is off. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 whats tough is she admitted she still loves me but doesnt know if she wants to be with me. she said today she did not want to work stuff out.but were still on for counseling and she hasnt left. i am getting alot of mixed signals. its getting hard to cope. Bernaserra, Evil experiance rears it's head here. "she admitted she still loves you". and Mixed signals. Frankly unless you are one of the 2% with a legit chance at marriage repair, she's saying what she has to. She's lowering the chaos level in her life. She's also creating a back up senerio. When/if whatever she's currently working on (which may be on hold for the holidays) doesen't pan out she wants to have a soft place to land while figuring out plan "C". She may need stability for the holidays. Or her other interests may need them. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bernaserra Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 we actually worked it out she wasscared i xould notchange bit saw the new me. we talked about everything.theres alot more but i am workong. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Consistency is the key. Go and read the articles at marriagebuilders.com. Post here for assistance if there is anything you need clarifying. Link to post Share on other sites
Menander67 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 What an insensitive clod you are! I had a similar experience: worked 5 jobs, stayed home, cooked, cleaned, put up with her *******, lazy son, and when she communicated her frustration with me by screaming, I finally couldn't stand it, called her a bitch, and she struck me. After the 3rd hit, I hit her slightly back. Now, she calls me the abuser. This guy realizes his mistake. He wants to make amends. There are far worse cases. Link to post Share on other sites
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