Can this be happening?

[padparadscha]

I am back. You will be proud of me, I did move on. Yes, my ex tried to contact me twice more, but I ignored him and I moved on. Yes, I decided to get on my feet and do something for me. Now, I am back and need some advice. The oddest situation occurred. My sister-in-law decided to do something to help me and played matchmaker. Problem is she talked me up so highly to this man, he not only is dying to meet me, he honestly is going crazy with thoughts of a future with me.

 

He is a total catch in terms of the things he told me about himself by phone and the things she told me. He is a man whose job requires him to travel all over the world each week. He carries a gun and is high energy. He so far is my perfect match. He is single, no children and just bout a house. He is well off, his job pays him very well and he is interested in me. I somehow feel like this is an odd dream, how the heck did this happen? This guy is head over heals by phone... Once my number was given to him, he fell hard. God he called me five times today. He is a black man who speaks Arabic!!!! I cant tell you how much that means to me, it would take too long of an email. Although I dont understand the language, I have always had a reason for wanting to meet a man who could speak it. Yet, this seems unreal. I honstly don't want to blow it. I would like to give us both a chance at a friendship and of course more, but I am so rusty with the dating, I don't even know where to begin. He has a years worth of dates with me already planned out in his mind. He talks of our future and things we will do as if without meeting me I am his dream. My brother and sister-in-law talked so much about me that he is convinced he has to know me for a permanent relationship. I am so very stubborn and let's face it as a Sag woman, it is so difficult dealing with us. I am nervous. How do I maintain this and yet it has not yet begun? I feel this is too good to be true and I have no idea how to go on our first date and stir this in the right direction. I mean, I am me...I am not so normal. I had sucessful long term relationships, but never thought about what I needed to do, it just worked out. This is different. My family wants this. He wants this. I want this. How do we do this? Gosh its like and arranged premarriage thingy

[carhill]

Stop....

 

Breathe....

 

Slowly make your way back to reality. You haven't even met this man yet.

[Ronni_W]

What carhill said.

 

padparadscha, just be you and keep a level of 'sane' about it. wishing you the best

[padparadscha]

No, I have not met him. He worked with my brother for over a year and after my brother married his wife, they all worked together. They're jobs are the same and he says he always assumed the way my family talks that I would not be interested in him, so he never asked. One day while on a shooting range, my sister-in-law and him were talking and he asked her how he can meet someone to make him as happy as my brother makes her. They talked and she said that I was availiable. He said, he could not believe it.

 

Now, I am here in reality. I want to know him and learn about him and I hope it may lead to what I want. He is different. He wants it all now. I know this wont work. I know I have to ground his thoughts, but I have no idea how. He is strong, arrogant, powerful, yet human. But I am not used to dating a man like him. No we have not dated, but by phone I can tell I am not used to a man like him. I date a different type of man, and never dated someone honestly on my level. To be honest, I dont know how to do this. I feel like I will fail, because he is so gun hoe and so strong minded, that we will either bump heads or I will make a mistake following his lead. I am so nervous. I just dont want to blow this. I dont know how to be in control of this so it works out rather than fails.

[Ronni_W]

padparadscha, the articles at marriagebuilders.com might be helpful, also the book 'The Conscious Heart' by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks.

[carhill]

A couple Xanax couldn't hurt, either

 

Seriously, OP, I've been where you are (emotionally, not literally). I had a whole courtship, proposal, marriage and divorce all within a 10 hour period on the phone with a woman I never met. You can laugh now

 

True story. I thought I had died. Wish I had but glad I didn't. D@mn phone dating services. That was nearly 20 years ago

[pelicanpreacher]

Hey Pad,

 

Good to hear from you!

 

When GOD blows closed a door he always opens a window, eh? As to this new romance I know this will be difficult advice to take but you need to center yourself because your mind is racing in overdrive to catch your beating heart. Instead of attempting to live in the future try to keep both feet firmly rooted in the present for attempting to experience life yet unlived is an excercise in futility. Your moment is now and it is to be enjoyed to the fullest.

 

Meet this man without expectations while learning to know him for who he is, the strengths he offers, and for the faults he harbors. Let not the heart sway the mind into overlooking issues that grate against your sensibilities regarding morality, common sense, or inner sense of peace and tranquility for these seeds root weeds of dissent and dissatisfaction that will eventually choke your garden. Remember that it is at a chain's weakest link that the chain fails so you must walk with eyes wide open to the worst of his worst lest you find yourself hiding out in hotel rooms again. You are you and he is he so if you find that you are mutually compatible in enough areas that you know you can accept (through toleration) his darkest failings then you are back in business!

 

As to your own insecurities, do not albatross yourself with burdens as yet to be merited for though you must know them to protect yourself let them not own you lest they stay your own fulfillment. You have the capacity to learn, adapt, and grow so even if you are initially confused, anxious, or intimidated let not these notions close a window that GOD has opened for now that you've made GOD your partner you need to think towards a bigger and better life anyways!

 

Good luck!

[padparadscha]

Alright, will do! Thanks, I will tread water and take each day as it comes:bunny:

[padparadscha]

 

Seriously, OP, I've been where you are (emotionally, not literally). I had a whole courtship, proposal, marriage and divorce all within a 10 hour period on the phone with a woman I never met.\

 

Yeah I see where your going with this, time for me to stay grounded!

[imagine]

Hey Pad,

 

Wow. Enjoy the moment.

 

I have no qualms in the equation of jock meets nerd. All it needs is common ground and a minimum of 15 hours per week shared time.

 

As of now,you and your b/f PEA endorphins are beginning to roll. Don't be pressured into making illusions fit reality. This is a facet of the Ken and Barbie syndrome. Women generally buy into a Ken that bills and coos only to later find that it burps and farts too.

 

You DO need to worry about folk building your reputation too highly. There is a saying that the surest way to ruin a persons reputation is to give them one that they can't possibly meet.

 

I have concern that this man speaks Arabic. Is he Muslim? This is NOT a good religion for a woman to to be married into. Especially in a middle Eastern country.

 

Do not fall into the trap of premarital sex. We are wired to bond after physical relations. Resolve issues before this. Truly, it also makes impact in the marriage as well.

 

Lastly, you would do well to listen to Ronni's advice regarding those marriagebuilder.com articles. I have found them to be without peer.

 

And I STILL wish you love... (thanks for the call)

 

PS: What's a sag woman?

[padparadscha]

 

PS: What's a sag woman?

 

Hey Imagine, how are you? That would be a Sagittarius .

No, I agree with you all (all posters). I actually spoke to my sister-in-law about this and her and my brother both agree I need to date more than one person this time around. They asked me to give this man a chance but to make sure he is not the only one I am seeing because they don't want me to do what I always do, which is go from one long term relationship to another without ever learning how to date. They feel that if things are to work out properly I have to be able to get a feel for what I really want and do all steps of dating to get to the final point. They feel equally he must be certain of what he wants as well and not skip any courtship steps. They spent the better part of the day teaching me the art of flirting and dating etiquette. My brother feels that I need serious work. WHICH I FIND FUNNY BECAUSE HE SKIPPED MAJOR STEPS. HE MARRIED THE WOMAN WITHIN less than 2 WEEKS OF KNOWING HER. SHE WAS ENGAGED TO ANOTHER MAN. YET, IT'S BEEN MORE THAN 2 YEARS AND THEY REMAIN IN LOVE. ODD!

 

I will ask if this gentleman is muslim , but I dont believe he might be. However, I would not put money on that thought. You see he once was in the military and was stationed in Iraq for awhile. He told me by phone that he learned the language and it is the only one he speaks outside of english. My brother and his friends were also military, but they never picked up any of the languages when stationed there. From his conversation, I think he has a fascination for other cultures & history.

[imagine]

I can't say that I'm down with conventional dating ritual. Movie and a dinner doesn't "do it" for me.

 

I say remove the word "date" from the English language. But going shooting with your kin and b/f just happens to be around. Now that's cool - and NO pressure. Afterwards, if he is nice, invite him to help paint your room out. No, it doesn't matter that it does not need painting.... get his opinion!

 

You get the idea, take away dating pressure...

 

Any comment from the gallery??

[padparadscha]

The gentleman was drop dead georgeous! Sexy, muscular, clean cut, but too pompus for my taste. Unfortunately, the date did not go well. We had several conversations by phone, because he was calling me quite often. From the conversations it seemed he had envisioned an entire life with me. He had high hopes for us. Ideally, it would have been nice if he was a gentleman, but it turned out he was not.

 

He came to pick me up because after the car accident, I still am not up to driving far. He became controlling and very dominate in his conversations. We were supposed to go to a restaurant. We waited by his choice for 45 minutes in the parking lot for our reservation time. Then one minute, to the time we were to go in, he made the choice to not go. He told me he just returned from Europe and is not in the mood for “The Melting Pot”. I cant get into the many ways the date went wrong. He was very bossy and very arrogant. He seemed to be in competition with me. Comparing his phone to mine. His diamond bracelet to mine, his car, etc. Stupid! It’s not about a competion, it’s about a date.

 

I tried to hang in there and not catch an attitude because my sister-in-law set us up and he works with her. I did not want to do anything to look embarrassing to her, otherwise I would have got a cab home. We wind up going to KFC. It’s not even worth talking about the embarrassing situation. Tacky, all dressed up…. Long story short, he said he has a two year old and he has three women all his money and time go to. That is his mother, daughter and his BABY MAMA. He told me she has a body like Shikera and that is how they made the baby, because she is sexy. I told him, then make it work with her. He said he cant, but she always has a place to stay in his house and she will never want for nothing. She is the perfect mother in his eyes. He told me he owns his own three bedroom home and that one room is for him, one his daughter and one his ex. He said he cant live with any woman because he is very meticulous. Yada, Yada, Yada, the point is the date was from hell. We wind up spending two hours talking in his truck. Where he pointed out several times (AS IF I GAVE A DAMN) it was a Range Rover. Then finally he took me home, walked me to the door and that was the final good-bye.

 

Sadly, if he were a nice guy, I could see this being ideal, but he was not very nice at all and has issues with women!

 

Point is lesson learned on my part!!!!

 

Thanks for listening!

[imagine]

Pad

 

Man, I'm really sorry that you had to endure that. My apologies on behalf of men everywhere.

 

The upside is that you have found a contender worthy to be inducted into the hall of frogs.

 

Hey, are there no decent guys in a writers club?

[padparadscha]

My apologies on behalf of men everywhere.

?

 

No dear, there is no need to do that. I know for a fact not all men are that way, I have met some outstanding men in my life. My father is one of them! I can tell you that despite being alone, I know there is someone out there for me. I admit I almost thought he was a week early birthday present, the way he romanced me by phone. Yet, despite the situation, it seems that the date did not get me down. It was actually pretty cool to see I am not so messed up! To see him act the way he did, I realized that I did the right thing sitting in that hotel letting go of my past and my pain and moving forward. Edward needed to do the same. He needs to let go of his past, his pain and his anger. Only then can he move forward. I released myself from that type of unhappiness. I may be alone, but I am not bitter or angry and that is something that frees me. I was hurting and I was very bitter, but I learned to accept life on a day to day basis and just breathe. That is how I was able to go on that date to begin with. I was able to agree to meet Edward because I did not close my mind and I did not set out to compare him to other men or past relationships. My purpose was to get to know him and only him and not allow my past to take away my focus. Letting go of the negative and

welcoming in the new allows me to date and have and open mind. I was open and ready to let in a new relationship. He thought he was open and ready, but he had heavy baggage that will only cause him more pain in future relationships. I actually feel bad for him, because I was him (in terms of the distrust and the pain, not the bragging part, that was never me) even while dating the last guy who was cheating on me. I was the one with everything and yet I carried a weight and a chip on my shoulder. A chip that dissolved when I sat in that hotel and let go and accepted that God will guide me and lead me to what I need and who I need.

He wont be my last date. He just had a job that was actually pretty perfect for my life style. I thought we might be able to try and see where things could lead us. He did as well. He wanted to make it work, but he was not thinking about me that night, he was thinking about controlling me and forcing me to see his way. He was being pandantic about everything for use of the most fitting word. He was not ready for what he wanted and I dont regret the date. It let me see that I grew up and I know what I want, and I dont want my baggage weighing others down. At the same time I dont want their baggage weighing me down.

[imagine]

I was reading your profile. When last did you do white water rafting?

[pelicanpreacher]

When you described this man and noted his arrogance it immediately raised a red flag for me. Now that you've met him and gotten an eyefull of his life the reality behind his words came tumbling out. He's not only arrogant but also narcassitic, petty, cheap, and a lying mama's boy. I'm glad your sixth sense picked up on his true qualities right away because it saved you a lot of time and energy wasted in getting mired with this loser. Now, knowing what you know, get out there, date, learn more about yourself, and have some fun!

[padparadscha]

Imagine and Pelican:

Well I was supposed to go this summer when I went to Vancouver, but it was too cold. Ah the people I was on tour that went actually froze their...off. So I never went this year. I went last year in Austria. This year I did sky diving for the first time in Nevada and I found it to be awesome! I also did ATVing in Canada and that was amazing! Loads of fun!

Yes, you did warn me P.P. I kept your message to me on my desktop and I read it over and over and calmed myself down and hit reality real fast. So I was not dissappointed by the date. I did listen to all the post and it saved me from caring how he was acting. However, today I am not saved by emotion. I actually feel weak. I will send you both a private message as to why.

[You'reasian]

 

Imagine and Pelican:

Well I was supposed to go this summer when I went to Vancouver, but it was too cold. Ah the people I was on tour that went actually froze their...off. So I never went this year. I went last year in Austria. This year I did sky diving for the first time in Nevada and I found it to be awesome! I also did ATVing in Canada and that was amazing! Loads of fun!

 

If it makes you feel any better, I started reading your thread, imagining a pelican because I was so tired that I glanced over the 'and'. And then proceeded to imagine.......the sky diving pelican - who went to Austria and drove a camper across Canada.

 

 

Goodnight!

[padparadscha]

Wow, that makes for a great kids book. We dont have enough Pelican stories, I kind of like that alot:D! It is awfully funny thinking of the Pelican sky diving as well. I wonder if he "imagining" the big tasty fish he is about to eat. Like the squirrel and his "Nut Heaven" dream....what was that movie with the squirrel? Ahhh Ice age!

[You'reasian]

Wow, that makes for a great kids book. We dont have enough Pelican stories, I kind of like that alot:D! It is awfully funny thinking of the Pelican sky diving as well. I wonder if he "imagining" the big tasty fish he is about to eat. Like the squirrel and his "Nut Heaven" dream....what was that movie with the squirrel? Ahhh Ice age!

 

If I had a kid, I would so create him a funny cartoon about this pelican!

 

And let him color it.

 

Didn't mean to hijack this thread.

[padparadscha]

No worries:rolleyes:! The thread is dead now, the situation is over and we are private messaging. it was nice to laugh , you added a bit of life to it!:bunny::bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny::bunny::bunny:

[pelicanpreacher]

If it makes you feel any better, I started reading your thread, imagining a pelican because I was so tired that I glanced over the 'and'. And then proceeded to imagine.......the sky diving pelican - who went to Austria and drove a camper across Canada.

 

 

Goodnight!

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[You'reasian]

No worries:rolleyes:! The thread is dead now, the situation is over and we are private messaging. it was nice to laugh , you added a bit of life to it!:bunny::bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Thanks for the eleventy jillion bunnies!

[padparadscha]

Well:rolleyes:, there had to be some kind of positive vibe before the thread ended! and who better to leave the site with a bang than the bunnies doing their dance :bunny::bunny::bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: and Pelican Preacher if your reading this, there is no need to pout. It's nothing personal, I would have had little Pelicans, but they just don't have those emotion icons.