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He's stalling!

girlygirl25

By girlygirl25,
in Getting Married

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girlygirl25

girlygirl25

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Hi everyone. If you remember me I have posted a few times but have not been around due to my laptop breaking. So I need somewhere to vent being that I have driven my friends and parents completely insane talking to them.

 

If you remember I was posting about my BF sending me mixed messages about engagement/marriage. We are not engaged yet, which now he is saying he is not ready. Okay, so that's fine I could be patient, HOWEVER now he switches his story back and forth. One minute he talks about rings and weddings, few days later he stops talking about it completely and tells me he isn't ready and engagement is a long way off. The other day he freaking bent over and got down on one knee, then picked up something that he had dropped!!! Didn't say anything about it afterward. I posted about this a few months ago, however it has gotten a lot more frequent. Oh we are 27 and 28 years old by the way. We both have steady careers, have a great relationship and are happy.

 

So what do you think gives here? This has been going on for like 2 months!!!

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Sunshine11

Sunshine11

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Let me preface this by saying: I really have no idea what's going through his mind.

 

With THAT said, my boyfriend doesn't talk about rings or weddings AT ALL. He occasionally makes comments about our future together, but that's it. On Wednesday we celebrated the fact that we met two years ago exactly. Someone we know congratulated us, saying,"Wow, that's getting dangerous!" and my boyfriend just laughed uncomfortably and said, "I know!"

 

So, I'm thinking he might be thinking about proposing, but he wants to be sure you say yes, and he really wants it to be a surprise. I also hear they start acting really weird shortly before they actually propose.

 

Another possibility is you're reading into something way too much, but if he's talking about rings, my guess is it's the former.

 

Either way, relax, reaffirm if you want to be with him regardless, and if the answer is yes, then enjoy the ride. There's always so much to learn about each other--enjoy it!

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Ronni_W

Ronni_W

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How I'd handle it is: the next time he mentions anything engagement/marriage related, I'd say, "You know, right now I'm perfectly happy and content just being your girlfriend...so why don't you wait until YOU want something different before you tell me about it, again? And, if/when I start wanting something different, I'll let you know. How does that sound? Can we both agree to that?"

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norajane

norajane

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Maybe he's f**king with you. It would be a lot of fun. :D

 

I think I'm with tanbark on this one. :laugh:

 

If you have a good relationship and are enjoying being with him, just keep doing that and don't let his freakiness phase you one bit. You'll only make yourself crazy and anxious if you start taking him seriously and start wondering about a proposal.

 

The only thing that's gonna get a guy to propose is being happy in a good relationship with a girl he really likes. If you start getting anxious and questioning him and tapping your toes, that can become a doubt in his mind...as in, gee, she's unhappy and cranky all the time, maybe I shouldn't propose cuz why would I want to marry somebody cranky who's unhappy with me? And he won't even connect the two things in his head - that you're anxious because he's dragging his feet while giving you mixed signals.

 

See if you can develop a sense of humor (the eye-rolling kind, like this :rolleyes::D) when he does something like faking you out by getting on one knee. And give him lots of hugs and kisses and have great sex and just enjoy what you have together. The rest will work itself out.

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girlygirl25

girlygirl25

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I think I'm with tanbark on this one. :laugh:

 

If you have a good relationship and are enjoying being with him, just keep doing that and don't let his freakiness phase you one bit. You'll only make yourself crazy and anxious if you start taking him seriously and start wondering about a proposal.

 

The only thing that's gonna get a guy to propose is being happy in a good relationship with a girl he really likes. If you start getting anxious and questioning him and tapping your toes, that can become a doubt in his mind...as in, gee, she's unhappy and cranky all the time, maybe I shouldn't propose cuz why would I want to marry somebody cranky who's unhappy with me? And he won't even connect the two things in his head - that you're anxious because he's dragging his feet while giving you mixed signals.

 

See if you can develop a sense of humor (the eye-rolling kind, like this :rolleyes::D) when he does something like faking you out by getting on one knee. And give him lots of hugs and kisses and have great sex and just enjoy what you have together. The rest will work itself out.

 

I definately do not want to start to get very anxious and upset. You are right that he might pick up on that and start wondering what is wrong. I have considered speaking with him about my concerns, however I do not want to put any pressure on him to propose if he is already thinking about it. I really enjoy our relationship, we do fun things together and are happy. I asked him once about a proposal, and he told me that he wanted it to be a surprise. I'm all for that, however months and months of the mixed messages is starting to get me wondering. If he is trying to work me up and throw me off, then where is this proposal? I cant figure men out. :confused:

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girlygirl25

girlygirl25

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I wanted to let everyone know the good news. My BF proposed over the weekend!

 

It was the sweetest proposal ever. He took me out to dinner on Saturday night to my favorite restaurant and then when we got home he suggested we go rent a movie. I really didn't even think he was going to propose at all! We went to rent a movie and then came back and he asked me if I could grab him a sweatshirt from our bedroom bc he was cold. So I went to do that and when I came out he had lit two candles on the coffee table. He took a ring box from behind his back and had a romantic speech prepared. He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! Of course I said yes and started to cry a little bit! It was so wonderful I am so excited!!! :D

 

Oh his plan of "faking me out" was to confuse me so I didn't have any clue what he was thinking. And it worked! Thanks for the words of encouragement.

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Jo78

Jo78

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Yay! Congratulations to you! That was very sweet, and how exciting for you! :)

 

I know how you felt before. My bf is doing the same thing. But he's been doing it for months and months with no end. And he told me that it will be a while until he proposes, so I don't think he is up to something. I just stopped wondering about his odd behavior, and ever since we are having the time of our lives. :laugh:

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Mary3

Mary3

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I was going to say when he bent down on one knee and pretended to pick up something that it could possibly be him PRACTICING proposing to you. As your later post confirms : Congrats !

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