Why do I feel numb?

[zepchick]

I've been seeing this guy for awhile now (almost 3 years). I don't really call it dating I guess because we live 2 hours apart and only see each other ever 2 weeks or so. When we do, it's usually for less than 24 hours at a time. I was warned by others when we first got involved that he wasn't exactly dating material. There have times when I've suspected him of seeing other people, but I never had proof. Recently, though, I found e-mails from his ex talking about staying in a hotel room w/ him (he had gone to Chicago for part of a vacation), and e-mails after that saying she enjoyed their time together and that she wondered why they weren't still together. I'm sure she doesn't know about me. I also looked at his phone records and saw that he has talked to her quite a bit consistently recently. At first, a couple of months ago when I found it, it crushed me. I was very hurt. Now, a couple of months later, I'm beginning to feel numb. It seems like it doesn't even bother me. I feel weird, though, because I love him very much and have never felt this way about anyone before. Also, I don't like the thought of not being with him. Why am I feeling this way? It's hard for me to bring up because I don't know that we've really labeled ourselves, but he definitely calls me every day and tells me he loves me/misses me/can't wait to see me. I feel like a fool. But mostly I'm just confused. Why am I starting to feel indifferent about this?