pasipae Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 This is long sorry but i'm pretty upset and have a problem editing my self.. The situation is this. I met my BF 2 years ago at a party with some friends, he was very sweet, kind, loving, perfect guy. We fell into a serious relationship very quickly and and have been that way ever since. Recently (about 6mos ago) he had to move to Canada b/c of problems with his US citizenship (this has nothing to do with why we are together but its important to note b/c its been a stressful time and is one of his excuses for cheating). I've been with him through all of his troubles, we talk about marriage almost daily, and have even looked at engagement rings together, yet only 2mos after he is in Canada he cheats on me with a co-worker. After i sifted through the lies, i found out that he never told anyone that he had a girlfriend, and so she gave him her number. He didnt call right away but he did call her, they talked on the phone a bit and at work, they actually went out on a date together and made out at the movies, and then set up another date where they were supposed to sleep together (by the way i'm getting all of this fom an IM conversation that he saved it was ver explicit and quit upsetting to me. he was also very romantic which is even worse than the sexual part of the conversation). According to him they never slept together but they did make out for a while but then he pulled away and realized what he was doing was wrong. i found all of this out one night and we had it out, he promised it was the only time he'd done something like that and that ti would never happen again, etc. but THE VERY NEXT DAY i went though his AIM email account (with his knowledge) and found ANOTHER chat conversation that just happened last week that was very similar to the first. With this girl you can tell they are just getting to know each other, he instigates all the sexual chat and then sets up a date. Later you see that she didnt show cause of a car accident and he tries to set up another day but i happen to be coming to vist so he cant. He says it was all talk and he'd never have gone through with an actual meeting, but he said the same thing about the first girl until i found the im conversation and proved that go through with that one so why wouldnt he with the 2nd girl. Also for the second girl when she didn't show it was like he backed out he was asking what happend? i dont know what to do. I've always said that if you cheat on me you're gone no second chances, but this is the first time its acutally happend and i do love him so its hard to let go of that. but he lied over and over again and it wasn't just one girl. I really just need some good advice from both sides... Link to post Share on other sites
Ayemtee Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Leave him. He shouldn't even be conversing on that kind of level with females anyways. It shows how much respect he has for you. Even if he did just make out, what else will he keep behind closed doors if he knows you're shattered by just a make out? Don't chance it. What if you had sex with a guy and stopped midway because you realized what kind of wrong you were committing? Would he be pissed? I think so. Think it through, is it really worth it to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 If you don't stand up for yourself, and inspite of having told him it was a deal-breaker, you end up staying with him - he'll end up walking all over you, and making an idiot out of you. I mean, what does it say about your credibility, standards, morals and scruples? It says: "I can't put my money where my mouth is, I don't mean it, you carry on just as you are, because I'll let you get away with it." It's not that you love him, is why it hurts, it's that he's abused your love. Andf you feel hurt, you want a confession, apology and a promise he will never do it again, and a supreme effort to show you he never ever will. Has he done any of that....? Well, you got an assurance he'd never do it again..... That went well, didn't it? Nope. Pain and sadness it might cause you, but walk away from him. He will never bring you the happiness you seek, by being with him. Too many loopholes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pasipae Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 thanks for the comments, I think what makes it even worse to me is that it wasn't just the 1 time there were two separate women. And in between these two women we had a very serious conversation about cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 No. You had a very serious conversation about cheating. He obviously didn't take it seriously at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pasipae Posted December 5, 2008 Author Share Posted December 5, 2008 i know, you saying exactly what i said to him and what i thought before this happened. i always though that if this ever happened to me i wouldnt hesitate to walk away, but its hard when you're this invested in someone else life. I feel like i'm trying to talk myself into staying with him Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts