What does it mean when a guy breaks up and says "It's not YOU, it's me?"

[aries]

This question is for you guys out there. My sister's boyfriend recently broke off their relationship and apparently he told her "it was not her" as to why he was breaking it off. She asked me what that meant and I have no idea. I have heard guys say that before and have no idea where they are coming from when they say that. I told her I would ask and see what some of you can come up with. What does that mean???

 

Support Always,

Aries

[Tony T]

It means your sister is a very nice, sweet, kind, intelligent, awesomely wonderful lady...but that she's just not the one for him...or the timing is just not right. That is wonderful. If every guy stayed with the same girl forever, the system wouldn't work. When two people get along fine, even when there's great chemistry and sex, it's very hard to understand why one wants to terminate the relationship. But it has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the person who gets dumped. There are many, many factors but just suffice it to say (once more) that he decided that at some point it had to end because something deep inside of him told him your sister wasn't the one for him long term at this particular time.

 

The great thing about this is that your sister and her boyfriend parted nicely, no big arguments, no stalking, etc. and the even greater thing is your sister is now free to pursue a more meaningful relationship with someone who may find her to be the RIGHT nice, sweet, kind, intelligent, awesomely wonderful lady that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. But if the next one breaks up and tells her it's NOT her, believe him...it's NOT. You don't want your sister in a long term relationship or marriage with the wrong guy.

 

Take your sis out tonight and celebrate!!!

[aries]

Thanks Tony-I was hoping it would be truly what he meant, but I know men will sometimes say anything to not hurt the girls feelings. I could tell her the same thing but I think coming from another guy it would mean more. I told her I did not know why he would have mentioned it if he did not mean it but still we were both curious of the responses. They are still friends and it did end O.K. but it just was something she was curious about.

 

Support Always,

Aries

 

P.S.-I think I will print that off for her!

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I know men will sometimes say anything to not hurt the girls feelings."

 

And just what's wrong with that? I think it's pretty considerate. It's a hell of a lot kinder and more considerate than saying "I'm breaking up with you because you're a foul-breathed, flat chested, ugly, ignorant, cold hearted, stupid bitch with no life,".....if that had been the case, which it wasn't. But in EVERY case, it's not the other person. It's the chemical and social reaction between the two people in tandum. Some matches work and some don't. As I said, your sister is now that much closer to meeting Mr. Right. I have to honor this man for not trying to force things and trying to make something work for him that he sensed was not right.

 

He's a great guy and your sister should become his friend in time. He is not only kind, mannerly and considerate but practical, a guy who would make a great friend for her someday.

[emokid]

Tony, you have sort of a point BUT>>>>>

 

 

I think way too many people end perfectly good Relationships because they are scared about somthing. I think they should stay and face whatever fears are bugging them...The "It's not you it's me" is bull, Give them a reason!!! Don't be a pussy. Tell them what's on your mind. Don't leave the girl wondering what's wrong with her. If you're honest and forthcoming the girl or guy, will understand that you're either a dick or that they have a problem they need to fix.

 

Just be honest man come one. Maybe the relationship can be saved.

[Tony T]

You are absolutely correct and I agree with your post above. However, the original poster was not seeking advice but rather a reason behind the use of that break-up language and technique, which is what I tried to provide.

[Jefferson12]

Tony, do you work for Loveshack.org??? You are ALWAYS on here and seem to always have all the answers to everybody's questions.

[Tony T]

1. "Tony, do you work for Loveshack.org???"

 

Yes, on a volunteer basis, for an amount in excess of $500,000 per year, plus a car, four weeks vacation, profit sharing, 401K plan, stock options and a personal assistant who rubs my back while I'm on the computer.

 

2. "You are ALWAYS on here and seem to always have all the answers to everybody's questions."

 

Actually, I've just been on the computer now for about 15 minutes and before that had been away for several hours. I have to go clear the other side of town to use the bathroom because of water restrictions. I really don't have the answers to everybody's questions so I only answer the posts for which I have suggestions. I also have friends around the country who sign in on my LoveShack account and answer posts as well and I send them like $200 per week for their trouble and an extra $50 for not giving out my password to anybody else. They have no idea I'm making all this money.

 

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