lolcat Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 A few nights ago I was talking to a group of five or six female friends, and they prompted me the question: what are you looking for in a girl? (in the sense of a potential girlfriend). And I realized, and said, I don't really know. (I don't think they believed me. I don't know if I believed me, either). Right now, I would answer that I basically want to find a girl who's exceedingly nice (and is positive), at least kind of laid back, probably extroverted (which I am definitely not), non-judgemental, who takes good care of themself (again, I would feel weird saying this. I myself eat whatever I want, dont really exercise, etc. But I am still at least skinny and decently strong. I just think people should be willing to be healthy), and preferably smart. I myself am almost 21 and I've never had a girlfriend. For a long time, I didn't really have any female friends either. In the last 2 months, though, that has changed drastically. I also feel like I am finally ready to find a girlfriend but also like, due to inexperience, I would screw it up. I'm introverted, but with my friends I talk plenty. I'm known for always being positive, being nice, and being "quirky" I guess. That last thing isnt necesarilly good but I can't really do anything about it. I could have probably answered that last night, but: (a) I feel like that is far too general of an answer. As in those traits describe what 90% of men want. and (b) I think I do have trouble talking about things like this. What does that say about me? I would greatly appreciate advice on (a) how to figure out what I want and (b) how to be more comfortable talking about it (or relationships in general, even) Thanks! -Mike Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Mike, It just says that this is the ideal time for you to start exploring and putting some words to what you want, need and value in Life . Something that helped me a lot was the 'emotional needs' questionnaire at marriagebuilders.com -- along with the articles on each of the needs. (The 'love busters' questionnaire is also good cos it's as important to know what we do NOT want, like and value in Life.) On this page, http://eqi.org/eqe96_2.htm , under the heading "Responsibility", there is a list of things we might value. The rest of this (free) book is a pretty good read, too. Access it through the "EQ for Everybody ToC" link at top of page. Good luck...and have fun finding out more about 'YOU' Link to post Share on other sites
Ostia Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Mike, I don't necessarily think it's bad not to know or to be able to express exactly what you are looking for in a potential girlfriend. I was personally in a very similar situation until I met my current boyfriend about 1.5 years ago. I was 20 back then, never had a boyfriend before and had only a vague idea of what I was looking for in a guy. Plus I also tend to be more introverted but open around my friends. So I think I can kinda understand the situation you are in. Well I also had a rough idea about what I was looking for in a guy (a few years older, more the quiet romantic type etc), but my boyfriend now is more or less the complete opposite: a couple of years younger, and pretty outgoing and really not the romantic type... We are together now for longer than most of my friends ever have been with any of their boyfriends/girlfriends even though they think that they really know what they are looking for. It is your decision if you think that it will help you if you figure out what you want, but I think it doesn't always have to be the best thing. You may not actually notice when you meet the 'right' one if you are too focused on some previous ideas about the 'perfect' gf (I had that issue at first, I didn't consider my bf as a possible bf because he just didn't seem to be who I was looking for). About talking to your friends... I don' think it's necessarily a bad thing if you don't feel to comfortable talking about it. It is the way you are. You can try and change it, but don't force you just to 'fit in'. At least that is my experience. Otherwise good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolcat Posted December 7, 2008 Author Share Posted December 7, 2008 Here's a slightly different topic. Nobody ever seems to be attracted to me. At all. Certainly not anyone I am attracted to. People will make comments about how we're good friends, etc. One person said that we have a "weird" friendship, but that's just our personalities. They re-asked me the question tonight and I answered that I more or less just wanted a nice, positive, and not unintelligent girl. To which they responded that that seemed "realistic." To that I wondered what they meant. Also, when we jokingly went through girls (even those who were helping me with the list, etc) whenever we all agreed that a girl met all of the criterea, we would come up with some stupid reason (i.e. she doesn't like cats) that a relationship would never work. Clearly not a good reason ever, but it also tells me that the girls are not attracted to me. How can I act to be more attractive, without changing my personality? Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 A few nights ago I was talking to a group of five or six female friends, and they prompted me the question: what are you looking for in a girl? (in the sense of a potential girlfriend). And I realized, and said, I don't really know. (I don't think they believed me. I don't know if I believed me, either). Relax, Mike. 99% of the people who are looking for a partner, have no idea what they're looking for in that person. Then they have the temerity to complain that they've gotten into a bad relationship. Keeps the divorce courts in business. Link to post Share on other sites
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