Thinging about cheating on a lier..

[faith]

Hi everyone, I've been reading some of the advice everyone has been giving and decided that it could help me out a lot..

 

Well I'm 21 and my finace' is 38. Now i know that sounds crazy but I love him and the age thing is just one of the issues. we've been together for a year now and that (by the way ) is the longest I've ever been with any one person. Well I had been liveing with him for about 4 mths. and he ask me in an unapproiate way to marry me and I did not like it well, then he gives me a ring i had already told him i didn't like and says that he likes it so thats why he got it. I told him i had to wear it everyday for the rest of my life and he didn't have to like it .Needless to say i still wear the same ring. Later on i decided that i had been with him long enough and it was time i went snooping through his things and found out that he had a fourth child that i didnt' know about and there were things in the closet personal things that belonged to his x-wife and should not have been in the same roof that i was under. He of course has an excuse for everything. Well i didn't want you to think i was a bad daddy bc i dont' see him. ( The baby ) and i forgot that stuff was up there.

 

Well i let that pass and later i find out he has lots of bills he been hiding from me and talking to some girl that was hiding his bill for him. Well he told me about the girl but he told me that she was just asking for a guys number. Well when i called her she tells me she's been hiding bills for him. So he says he was gonna wait to tell me after we got married. It isn't a lot of money but the point is he still hiding things from me..

 

See i'm a very laid back person and am not jelious until him and he brings out the worst in me . I'm not sure what to do .. He has pushed me to the point that i'm attracted to other me and i've even cheated on him .. It was just a kiss but now everyday i think about this other guy , I try not to.. I 'm even considering sleeping with this other guy I don't think that I love him enough other wise I wouldn't be doing all of this .. what to do if anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it.. Oh and by the way i've gottten rid of my car so' i'm stuck in this suituation at least until i get back on my feet and if we're still having problems i'm leaving him.. Now the question is do i go ahead and live my life and be with him to or do i consider the fact that he loves me and just steer clear of this guy ?

[jalexy]

I really dont even need to read your whole post- my reaction is you need to leave him. I think that if you reach the level of snooping in your partner's stuff, that is a huge sign that the relationship has reached an unhealthy point. Just move on, what are you thinking, seriously?

[Tony T]

A long, hard talk with him is in order. Confront him on all these issues and discoveries and let him know just how you feel. See what his reaction is. If he insists he's done nothing wrong, hit the road. It he is sorry for the things that have offended you and has good explanations for why he did them, perhaps the two of you can improve your communication and take things forward. I do feel uncomfortable with his deceitful nature but that can change if you insist on the truth, all of it, and create an environment where he can be open with you. Remember, this guy has been around a long time and there's some things about himself that he's not likely to want to change or that may be difficult for him to modify.