9Lives Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 I guess I am old fashion but I just dont see the benefit in these kind of relationships. Women try to do it but I see them getting their feelings hurt in the long run. Then I also see that guys will bone you for a long time but deep down inside they dont respect you cause you giving up the secret part. The mystery....I just dont see the benefit...What's up Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 You obviously aren't looking at it from a male perspective, then. The benefit is obvious: Men get laid without having to work for it (i.e., wine and dine). Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Correct...but it takes two to tangle. What do these women think? For me, as a woman, Again...for me....I dont want to offend anyone....I would consider myself to be cheap and a whore. I was talking to one of my male friends today and he said that guys dont have respect for these girls even though they will sleep with them and for a long time. They arent mean to them. They just see them as easy slut who dont know better. I said well, what does that make you? He said the winner. I was floored! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 When I was younger and working hard at my career, involved in organizations, and had a few hobbies....I just didnt feel I had the time to offer someone who I would date, and who would want a relationship. It didnt seem fair. But I still wanted sex. I had the luxery of a FWB, booty call, whatever. In fact I had a few periods in my life when a FWB fit the bill quite nicely. The very best part of that was...I was able to get that fix so many women are attracted to...that "bad boy" type. Hot, but not someone you would be seen with socially except out with the girls. Fun, but not someone you would want a long relationship with. And willing to drop everything and come over whenever I called. You know, guys you dont really "respect" but like to have around. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 I had only one perfect FWB - completely mutual and on the same page. The sex was fantastic, we'd go out dancing, hang out, etc. Never once did any emotional stuff come up, nor was there any complications. It was nice to have someone to hang out with that you could have recreational sex with as well, particularly when the person was very attractive and very good in bed (we shared a few kinks). I can definitely see the benefit, but unfortunately functional FWB relationships are as rare as hen's teeth. Link to post Share on other sites
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 I did this once. It sucked. The sex was bad. The girl was stupid. I learned a lot from it, but would never do it again. I personally feel that anyone doing it probably has other issues and it isn't helping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 When I was younger and working hard at my career, involved in organizations, and had a few hobbies....I just didnt feel I had the time to offer someone who I would date, and who would want a relationship. It didnt seem fair. But I still wanted sex. I had the luxery of a FWB, booty call, whatever. In fact I had a few periods in my life when a FWB fit the bill quite nicely. The very best part of that was...I was able to get that fix so many women are attracted to...that "bad boy" type. Hot, but not someone you would be seen with socially except out with the girls. Fun, but not someone you would want a long relationship with. And willing to drop everything and come over whenever I called. You know, guys you dont really "respect" but like to have around. :laugh: 2Sure you a pimp!!! Im joking. Okay I get that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 I had only one perfect FWB - completely mutual and on the same page. The sex was fantastic, we'd go out dancing, hang out, etc. Never once did any emotional stuff come up, nor was there any complications. It was nice to have someone to hang out with that you could have recreational sex with as well, particularly when the person was very attractive and very good in bed (we shared a few kinks). I can definitely see the benefit, but unfortunately functional FWB relationships are as rare as hen's teeth. If it was so great. Why did you stop? Link to post Share on other sites
Tarantula Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 Everyone has the right to live the life he wishes to live God bless! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Everyone has the right to live the life he wishes to live God bless! I agree. No judgment here. I am just trying to understand why a woman would want to get involved like this because we normally start wanting more...that is normally. Sometimes we dont. So it is kinda like how do you do it. Do you not like him anyway? How do escape without being hurt especially if you start liking him? As for guys, I want to know their thoughts too. How do they feel about a woman like that. REally feel Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 I guess I am old fashion but I just dont see the benefit in these kind of relationships. Women try to do it but I see them getting their feelings hurt in the long run. Then I also see that guys will bone you for a long time but deep down inside they dont respect you cause you giving up the secret part. The mystery....I just dont see the benefit...What's up I'm kinda old-fashioned in the sense that I would prefer to be in a long-term relationship, if possible but it takes two to tango. Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 I agree. No judgment here. I am just trying to understand why a woman would want to get involved like this because we normally start wanting more...that is normally. Sometimes we dont. So it is kinda like how do you do it. Do you not like him anyway? How do escape without being hurt especially if you start liking him? As for guys, I want to know their thoughts too. How do they feel about a woman like that. REally feel I don't know what women get out of it. I think they go into it hoping for more. My best guess is that they think they won't become emotionally attached or hope the guy will become emotionally attached and want something more. I personally don't think most women are capable of FWB (at least not in the way I envision, which is a drama free relationship purely about sex without any emotional attachments). I'd feel great if I could find a woman for a FWB situation, but realistically I don't think that could happen without drama. I've been talking with this girl recently about a possible FWB scenario. She told me she was just looking for FWB at first. But the more I talk to her the more I learned that she really is hoping for something more to come out of it. I'm not, so I probably won't go through with it. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Everyone has the right to live the life he wishes to live Tell this to Adolf Hitler and Attilla the Hun! God bless! What God blesses after comment like that? I'm not trying to be argumentative. Rather, let us test the platitudes that we are so comfortable producing. FWB has no guarantee that no-one is hurt nor anyone tainted. I wonder whether FWB does not pollute the act of intimacy when we have met "the one"? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 You obviously aren't looking at it from a male perspective, then. The benefit is obvious: Men get laid without having to work for it (i.e., wine and dine). Feh. Back in the day I lost 2 good friendships with guys because we had sex and they got all tangled up in emotional issues and I was, at that time, not able to give an emotional committment. I suppose their "male perspective" was all backwards? Now that I am older and more experienced, I don't think it's a good idea to mix friendship with sex. Sex should be something you do with someone you have a romantic relationships with. JMO, take it with a grain of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 The reason i started my FWB was i had come out of a LTR (8 years) and i was not prepared to commit to someone.. I had my own trust/ comment issues and i did not want to use someone (rebound guy) just cause i was in need of physical attention... I was not going to lead someone on when i knew deep down i was not ready for any deep relationship... So it worked well but he did respect me and treated me very well... No relationship has a guarentee that you wont get hurt.. At least with a FWB you already know and can understand that it is what it is no more... After 8 years i thought i would be with my ex for life... I dont think any other relationship specially an FWB (even if i did think i was falling) could hurt as much as a commited relationship ending... Link to post Share on other sites
gennamoon Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 I've had two...the first one was perfect. I was coming out of a long term relationship and just needed something without any strings attached. We would go out, have drinks, have dinner, watch movies...sometimes we would hook up, sometimes not. He stated up front that he wasn't looking for a relationship and I stated up front when I felt that I needed one that we were done with the "benefits" part. That's exactly what happened. I told him I wanted more, he said he understood and we're still the best of friends...it was almost too perfect. My second was with my exboyfriend, but I'm honestly not sure if it was considered a friends with benefits because we had just broken up about a month before we started back up again so there were still obvious emotions involved. He was unsure of what he wanted, I was hoping it would turn back into a relationship. Needless to say, he cut things off and is now dating my (now ex) best friend. Boy, that situation made me feel cheap and used, but hey, I put myself in it...not that it makes me feel any better. Anyhoo, I don't think there's anything wrong with them, but as I've found...pick them right and establish up front with open and honest communication what the "rules" are so to speak. I personally won't be looking for one anytime soon because at almost 32, I want something more permanent and long term. Link to post Share on other sites
brooklynation Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 To make a short story shorter, we cut it off because I wanted more than she could give. She was into doing all the GF stuff like meeting the family ect., but she didnt see us together long term. After 2 months off we are trying again. Can I accept it for what it is? Probably not. But I am not ready to go NC. I did it, I'll do it again if I have to (NC), but dinner, movies and sex with her I want more of. In my mind I am of course hoping I can stratigically hook her into me. Make her long for me, but it's not going to happen I'm sure. Best case, we are FWB and I fall for someone else and cut it off Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 The very best part of that was...I was able to get that fix so many women are attracted to...that "bad boy" type. Hot, but not someone you would be seen with socially except out with the girls. Fun, but not someone you would want a long relationship with. And willing to drop everything and come over whenever I called. You know, guys you dont really "respect" but like to have around. Wow. Are you sure you aren't a long lost sister? lol Link to post Share on other sites
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