Ex contacted me after we broke up 2 years ago

[azeus]

This is a long and drawn out story. I will fill in any details anyone might have, but this is the honest truth.

 

My girl and I were together for 2 years, the first two years of our undergrad. It got rocky the last year and we started fighting on and off. We "broke up" and then "got back together" like 4x in a month at one point. Everything was golden the first year. Then we both did a semester abroad.

 

The first person I met abroad was a very attractive girl, who I think that my ex was intimidated by and relatively jealous of. We became close friends and I could have done something, but we specifically said that it would not happen because of our relationship statuses. While I was in Britain, my ex was in France. She attended numerous house parties where I was told certain events (nothing involving her) happened. I got a little jealous too and at one point we both asked each other if anything was going on. We basically stopped trusting each other at some point. Then we had the first serious split. We decided to try again. I went back to the States early because I "loved" her so much.

 

I crashed at her place for a week so I could find my own. At some point she searched my computer and found porn. This was serious breakup 2. I begged her to forgive me and she did. Then I got cold for some reason and I set her up to look at my computer again. She did and we've been apart since Valentine's Day of 2007. I was devasted that she wouldn't come back. What a loser piece of **** thing to do. I regret it sooooo much.

 

She started hanging out with a mutual friend a lot. Of course I suspected something was there. The problem is that we chose to remain friends. We ended up being friends with benefits for 6 months. I have no clue how she felt. I know she saw at least two other guys during that time. I have no idea about sex, but I suspected it.

 

In August, I started law school in the same city. I found a roommate via Craiglist (big fat ass mistake). He went to our undergrad and was still finishing his degree. I finished early mind you so she was still there and intended to do a masters there as well. I introduced the two because we were still friends at that point.

 

I wanted her back soooo much. She wouldn't have it. The mutual friend was still in the picture and he was getting more aggressive about seeing her. She said she didn't like hom and I told her to just say she wasn't interested then. No idea if she did. None of my business anyways. I end up getting so depressed one day that I email him asking him to be a little considerate to me being a friend and all and knock it off, especially because she didn't like him apparently. He told me to learn how to indent and use spaces in my emails and that it wasn't his problem. **** you.

 

She told me one day she was staying at her friends place. I went out for ice cream with my new roomie and two others. 10 minutes later my ex strolls in with 4 guys including the mutual friend. My friend waives at her and yells her name she doesn't even look up. The mutual friend sees me and turns around in hopes of avoiding it. We were right in front. We chose to leave. Probably a good idea.

 

I call her later that night and ask what it was all about. She blatanly lies to me about it and I call her out. She calls me an ******* and hangs up the phone. I call back and say I want my **** back. She comes over an hour later and drops it at the doorstep.

 

A week later we talk again and she comes over so we can have dinner together and watch a movie. She goes to the grocery store and leaves her computer. I log on and look through her folders and find some entries. She comes back uses mine because hers is a broke ass piece of **** and leaves her password stored on my comp. Needless to say I use it, yotta yotta yotta regular access. ******* move for sure and I admit that. I find out a lot of **** that I was wondering about. No confirmation of what happened abroad, a few guys she saw while we hooked up with no mention of sex. The journal entries on her comp said that she didn't want to hurt me, but wanted to see other guys and was ready after a year into our relationship.

 

I asked her if she wanted to get pizza one night. She said sure and came with her roommate. They then left to go back home. I was devastated. It was a clear go the hell away.

 

A few days later I ask if we can talk. We do and I set her up about a specific guy. She blatantly lies. I call her out and mention details. She denies saying that, but bursts into tears. I ask how she could lie like that and she asks how I found out. Of course I lie.

 

In the meantime she is apparently hanging out with my literally gay roommate. We decide on no contact for real and have a verbal duke out yellng session. It's over. Then I leave for vegas for a week. I come back and right before Halloween and she is in my living room taking shots with my roommate. I put my stuff in my room and come out. She says sorry and fumbles about. I'm like if you were sorry you would wait outside and not be in my apartment. Then I look at him and say wtf.

 

Two days later we have our last talk. She says I'm sorry. I say if she was sorry she would have dropped the act entirely. I say bull**** and tell her that if she ever comes into my apartment again I'll file charges for trespass and ask for a restraining order. End of story.

 

Two weeks late I break again. I try to call her. In the meantime my roomie tells her that I have access to her account. He lies to me about telling her of course. This wasn't that big of a deal. I sent her a text asking her to change everything. A week later I write a 10 page letter telling her my feelings and go to hand deliver it. I get there see the light and I say **** it. She doesn't want me and I'm desperate right now. I tear it up and throw it away and leave.

 

Of course I check up on her on Myspace and Facebook. Then I find out that my roomie spends some time with her and her friends at home over the winter break. On my birthday roomie leaves his phone. Someone calls and it is literally a voice saying such and such is calling. Goes for 1 min while Im studying and its her close friend. I goto the phone and press ignore twice then set it back down.

 

He comes back later that day yells and screams about me touching his phone and then changes his locks. I go out for my bday saying **** you. I find printed pictures on the floor next to his friend who is staying over a week later of my car on my birthday. They stole my ****ing car.

 

I move out the beginning of Feb but not before getting into a full physical fight with him where the cops were called. Mutual combat no one is charged.

 

Around that time I take my usual exit and see her with a guy who shes tip-toes up to kiss on the cheek. Ouch. Stopped using that exit. On V Day I debate flowers and say no, she'll thinks its another guy. I break at the end of the month and call her. We actually talk about stupid stuff for 20 min. Nothing real and she won't tell me if she has a guy of course. I already know. She asks if I still live around her. I don't and I said so. Dont even want to know why she asked that. No contact thereafter, minus our mutual checkups on FB.

 

I had blocked her and her friends in Jan from my online profiles and then later removed all the blocks. At some point she limited me, but I didn't care because she couldn't even see mine.

 

I was at a bar one night and went home via taxi on the exit I vowed never to take. Guess who I see? Same guy and its a full kiss in front of a bank. I go home and drink myself to sleep. No more Purple Moon for me.

 

My grades are terrible of course. I used to be a top 10% student. I attribute it to more competition and this whole scenario.

 

At the end of the semester I meet a girl, who is also my neighbor, and we start seeing each other (hooking up). No checkups or thoughts about the ex for the entire duration.

 

Then my transfer papers for law school come in and I move out of the state to the dismay of the new girl. I told her early on though. A couple weeks after I leave, my Myspace counter rapidly increase with profile views. It's one of two people. I only have 20 on there.

 

I meet a couple new girls here, but nothing I really want. Life is good though and I'm way more solidifed with my friends here than I was there. Happy, content, and actually working hard. Meanwhile My counter keeps going up. Obviously its her. I do check up on her Myspace because it is open to everyone.

 

Three weeks ago my ex sends me an email saying that if I was interested in reopening communication, she was down. She also said something reminded her of me. I assume she is still with this guy. I kind of get depressed and start checking up on her profiles again. Maybe its because of the holidays and because I still love her? Who knows.

 

I "bounce" the email to make it look like I changed my email address (I didn't). Apparently she has defriended mutual friends that I hadn't already blocked. I notice this trand for like a week. From 42 to 31. In groups and then the my best friend from oversees specifically. yeah Im checking up regularly.

 

My ex at some point changes her profile on Myspace to private. Im like OK whatever. I change my contact email on my private Myspace a few days later because the girls I've been meeting Ive been using a different email with. I don't care. Then the ex blocks me on facebook. Should have happened a long time ago. But I hadn't checked up on her for like 8 months.

 

So now I sit here, writing this lame ass story down about my problems when I should be seeing the girl I like right now. I'm wondering what the hell all this means. She sends me an email inviting me to talk and then goes full throttle **** you. Is this a trap? Aside from our immaturity, how should I deal with this? What is going on?

[Mayim]

It sounds like the "bounced" email hurt her pride and she decided to go NC with you. If I'm reading this correctly, you "bounced" it not to genuinely maintain NC (in which case you would have just deleted it without responding), but to try to get in a little dig at her, and it backfired.

 

This is a good opportunity for you to move on. It sounds like you were addicted to the back-and-forth drama. Accept the NC and get back on track. This is just a setback.

[Surfer Dude]

Don't establish contact. She seems extremely immature and you both need time away from each other, indefinitely. This relationship has been causing you nothing but grief and conflicts with other people. Stay away from it, it's very unhealthy for you.