AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=168441&page=2 Hello guys, could you please read this thread and help me get through the situation. Feel like a mess now. Lost interest in everything. I just feel that I am not going to be anywhere. I will end up doing some stupid job and my life will just end some day. Do I deserve this kind of cheating? Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 Angelina, based on what you've written, I'm going to take a guess and ask if this guy had an arranged marriage. Either way, I'm very sorry he treated you the way he did. This kind of crap happens all too often - an idiot man (or woman) strings someone else along, with broken promises and pure bullcrap...only to have it all blow up in the other person's face. He was never honest with you and totally strung you along. I take it you accepted the non-work contact because it was culturally acceptable? Again, I'm totally guessing here. Please correct me if I'm assuming too much. Whatever the case is, you CAN and WILL move on from this. You are worthy of being loved. He chose to lie to you. You were honest and sincere. Be lucky that you're capable of feeling love and true emotion. Those who feign emotion never get very far. And hugs to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Hi Ocean Blue, Your assumptions are all right. Though it's arranged, if he did not want this to happen someday, he wouldn't have been so cautious in keeping my relation with him a secret. Right? I don't know. It's just too hard. Why did I enter into this? Why did I trust him? Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 Probably because he views these things as totally casual and women, in general, as expendable. He sounds like he's the type to probably cheat on his future wife too. Consider yourself lucky for having found this out now. As much as it hurts, Angelina, you actually are lucky. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Hi Ocean-Blue, That's right. But his future wife will have the support of his family and her family and the entire world coz it's a marriage. In my case, as I had to keep it a secret bcoz of he wanted it to be a secret, all my common friends are misunderstanding my reaction about any information of him...when they talk about him... They feel I am overreacting and probably they think I am mad :-). They might even feel that he is a good guy and that I was after him or something like that. In any case, it does not matter to me. I just wish to be stronger where he does not matter to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 I'm guessing you don't have much of a support system right now. Do you find it's difficult to explain to them...because you two weren't married, or on your way to marriage. I understand how they may not see it as being a "legitimate" relationship. You will let go of this and move on from him, Angelina. Just give yourself time. You just discovered his deceit recently. You have to grieve the loss and let it all out. It's totally OK to do that. I understand the cultural implications of all of this. Just hang in there and try to talk to someone who you think might be able to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Yes. But my family knows and are trying to support me. He has come earlier and told my brother that he would marry me (That was when I have resigned 2 years ago). After that he never made any contact with my brother. Even though they are supporting, they might also feel, everytime why does she get into problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 Yes. But my family knows and are trying to support me. He has come earlier and told my brother that he would marry me (That was when I have resigned 2 years ago). After that he never made any contact with my brother. Even though they are supporting, they might also feel, everytime why does she get into problems. It's good that you have your family's support. It could be worse, couldn't it? They too could be judging you right now, but they're not. Don't worry about what they may be thinking. Focus on getting yourself better. Perhaps it's time to be good to yourself, instead of hanging on the every word of a man who can't give you want you want/need. This guy is clearly a slimeball. A man who would speak to family and promise marriage and then go silent isn't a man at all. I understand what it means when a man says he will marry you, what it means when he goes to your family...the nerve of this jerk! You should really think about all that is wrong with him; it might help you get over this quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Yes Ocean Blue. I will get over this some day. But is there no justice in this world? If there is god, shudn't he punish such deeds? promisin wrong things intentionally and then cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 He will punished. People who lie and cheat rarely fare well in the long run. Think about how miserable he must be. I am guessing this arranged marriage was in the works for a while...that they talked on the phone, etc. And yet, rather than be faithful to her, he was leading YOU on... You think this guy will be faithful to her? Nope. He is going to continue his ways. And he will never be truly fulfilled or happy. That will be his punishment - a lifetime of fickle bullcrap and meaningless gestures. You will be OK, Angelina. Just have faith in yourself and thank God that you didn't end up with this insincere, worthless man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Thanks Ocean-Blue. You and Ronni have been a great support. This forum is just great. When you don't know who to turn to there are so many nice people here who would care for others and take their time and try to heal the wounds of others. This is great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 As you spoke about the support system, just at the time a friend of mine called up. She still works for him and she wants to talk to me. She is concerned about how i am. I did not even answer her calls all these days. She was really concerned and she cares for me. I have decided to tell her everything. Do you think that would be ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 For some reason this pain is unbearable. Why did he do this to me? Always something was telling me this is not going to work out and that he is not interested in me and that he needed me only for work. But why did i stll trust him? What am i lacking that guys have been doing this to me. Why doens't this guy have any conscience. He is just cold and getting along fine with everyone and celebrating all the occassions of his wedding happily. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Thanks Ocean-Blue. You and Ronni have been a great support. This forum is just great. When you don't know who to turn to there are so many nice people here who would care for others and take their time and try to heal the wounds of others. This is great. LS is a great place for support. I encourage you to continue posting here, to get your thoughts out. It often helps to write out how you feel (which I'm sure you know). As you spoke about the support system, just at the time a friend of mine called up. She still works for him and she wants to talk to me. She is concerned about how i am. I did not even answer her calls all these days. She was really concerned and she cares for me. I have decided to tell her everything. Do you think that would be ok? If you really trust her, then why not talk to her? It's always good to have support - makes everything a little more bearable. If you think this is someone that you can speak to, without worrying about your trust being betrayed, then why don't you go ahead and talk to her? For some reason this pain is unbearable. Why did he do this to me? Always something was telling me this is not going to work out and that he is not interested in me and that he needed me only for work. But why did i stll trust him? What am i lacking that guys have been doing this to me. Why doens't this guy have any conscience. He is just cold and getting along fine with everyone and celebrating all the occassions of his wedding happily. What should I do? It's because he doesn't have a conscience. He lied to you, for whatever reason. You need to try to accept that and heal yourself. Don't worry about him or what he did. Focus on what you can do now to take care of yourself. Once you've moved along, in terms of mourning, perhaps you can try to ask the question of why you're attracting the kind of men you are (if in fact there is a pattern). And next time, don't settle for little crumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 the nerve of this guy. i have sent back all the office t-shirts/ business card holder/ pen/ and a couple of books that were given to me in these 5 years through an office guy. he left these messages on the messenger. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I dont intend to trouble u. The only reason i'm sending this is that this is ridiculous. but I have nothign to say. You will have so many things to say including accusations of me getting married to so many people finally i had no choice. but thats fine. u will have so many things to say all i can say is you have been one of the best people in office and one of the good people i have ever met. Its just that u never wanted things to work. the worse is sending back these things which i will never be able to take it. i'm burning them down in any case. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I have given my everything to this relation. He is the one who avoided me all through and now putting the blame on me. I can't believe this. If he really had any remorse he should have talked to me before his engagement itself. Now that I came to know about everything, he leaves me messages now on MSN. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 It doesn't seem as if he is going to give you an explanation. Your best bet is to cut off ALL contact. Delete him off of MSN Messenger. He might try to worm his way back into your life and end up causing even MORE heartache. Avoid him as much as you can. He treated you as if you were disposable - like used tissue!! Get rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 True. I am just going through a very painful phase where every call/ talking to any friend of mine is just making me scary as to what information they are going to bring to me about this guy. But trust me. I will never ever allow this guy in my life again. Though I have been stupid so far in this relation, I will be smart enough not to allow this guy in my life ever again. He left those as offline messages on msn. I have stopped signing on to msn. I just login sometimes that too in the offline mode. I didn't bother to even reply to these messages and I won't even talk to this guy again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 I don't think his intentions are that. He probably is hoping that if he says i am good and so on, I will not talk to anyone about the his deceit. He is not understanding that if i wanted to do that i would have done that despite him saying all these. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelygurl Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 From what I have read of your story it really sounds like this guy is already married. He shows all the signs of a married man. No contact on other than during work hours, no contact at night or on weekends. Keeping it a secret. I'm sorry he strung you along and led you to believe more. This selfish kind of guys like to play with people's emotions to get their own needs met. My counselor is trying to teach me to look after me. Get my needs met and not worry about other people's needs because they are simply looking after their own needs without regards to others. Not matter it still hurts just the same. I can understand the pain you are in. It must be extremely difficult for you to work with him still. Is it a large place you work? Could you switch to a different department? Or are there other companies that could use your skills? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Hi LonelyGurl, No. He is not married. We have common friends. But he got engaged last week and he is getting married in 2 weeks from now. What you said is very true. At this moment I feel, he has treated me like an ant. If you step on it and if it gets killed, you wouldn't even care and just continue to walk. He just did that to me. I have left the company 40 days back. I must say he yelled yelled and yelled over some reason or the other and made me leave as he has these wedding plans lined up. The bad part is he owns the damn company. I need to find a new job. Market is so bad. New job can make me forget many things I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 I am sorry for what you are going through LoneyGurl, no matter what guys are all the same...they deceive. Probably it's not guys. Looking at the stories of guys also in this forum probably people betray those people who trust them. I wish suddenly god takes away all the pain that all of us in Love Shack forum are going through and we all become very happy and live that way forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Dude Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 I am sorry for what you are going through LoneyGurl, no matter what guys are all the same...they deceive. Probably it's not guys. Looking at the stories of guys also in this forum probably people betray those people who trust them. I wish suddenly god takes away all the pain that all of us in Love Shack forum are going through and we all become very happy and live that way forever. Guys don't deceive. People deceive in general. I see equal number of stories here posted by heartbroken men and women. Let's face it, people are immature, not ready for relationships and they betray other people's trust. Someone enters a relationship out of selfish reasons, when they've had enough they move on and simply discard the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Artu Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Angelina,I understand he was playing a double game with you and his present wife,playing love with two of you at the same time (?) and then he decided to marry her and leave you . Was it so ? I think,you know the answer yourself . You just need to throw such a guy out of your life. He does not deserve you or even his wife . Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 I think so. Or probably it is an arranged marriage and he might have already decided to marry her and let go of me. He tried every way to let go of me. Link to post Share on other sites
shadyp Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 he didnt care-he will pay 1 day-what goes around comes around. by then u will have moved on... i do agree with sufer dude/guy.... people do just fob their current partner coz theyr'e bored with them n move on2 the next poor sod!!! as they say one walks off fine and one gets hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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